The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I came to Al-Anon by way of another qualifier, but I am starting to wonder about my dad.
Sometimes he's nice, sometimes he's mean (in a way that a lot of other Al-Anon members' sharing about their family members reminds me of!), and he does seem to have his mean times more often when there's alcohol involved, but I don't know if his drinking is excessive.
2-3 beers most evenings, and some whisky now and then during the day (but not every day) is his usual amount for at home, probably a little more if he's drinking socially. I've seen him a bit buzzed, but *never* drunk.
Never seen him try to go without, so I don't know if he'd have problems doing so or not.
To me, that seems like a normal amount of drinking, and if he's a jerk sometimes that's just because he's being a jerk. (And he certainly is capable of being a jerk when there's not alcohol involved too!) But I have heard other Al-Anon members share that their perceptions of "normal" drinking have been inaccurate, so I thought it would be a good idea to double-check and make sure my perception is accurate...
Is "a few beers most evenings, and sometimes a little whisky during the day" a normal amount of drinking?
Are you in your Dad's presence all the time? If not, there is a chance that you are not seeing all of the amount consumed.
I am confident that many others will weigh-in on this question for you (better qualified than me), but I am led to understand that there are more factors than JUST the amount consumed.
atheos, I just keep reading and observing and there just seems to be so MUCH to learn about this condition!!! I will keep my eye on your post so I can learn along with you.
Thanks. Otie
-- Edited by Otie on Monday 25th of April 2011 08:17:15 AM
Otie - I'm not in his presence very often any more since I don't live nearby -- and even when I did live at home, I was too busy being a bookworm and studying to pay much attention to what he was doing.
"A few beers in the evening and sometimes a little whisky during the day" is all I remember noticing. I am definitely, 100% sure I have never seen him drunk though.
In al-anon, we learn it's not our business label or judge anyone. Even if we do, what does it matter? We are powerless over it. We leave it up to an individual to determine whether or not he/she is an alcoholic.
Our fellowship is for those who have been affected by someone else's drinking, and it certainly looks as though you have. I'm glad you're here... dealing with it on our own is too much for most of us, so we help each other by sharing our experience, strength and hope. You never have to do this alone again, sweetie.
My suggestion is to keep your bookworm life... maybe you will want to include some al-anon books now. Find your local meetings and get a sponsor..... this is how my life began to change and feel so much better. (((hugs)))
-- Edited by glad lee on Monday 25th of April 2011 08:59:25 AM
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Dear atheos, "Canadianguy" (a veteran member of this board) gave me good suggested reading when I first came here. I would trust him as a source of info. that will help with all your questions.
I empathize with you. There are no irrelevant questions when you are searching for information.
Sincerely, Otie
-- Edited by Otie on Monday 25th of April 2011 09:19:54 AM
I don't know if he's an alcoholic or "alcohol-dependent" or some other category. What I can say is that if I had met a new man and he had 2-3 beers every night, I would steer clear, personally. It would be too much of a high-risk signal for me. And if his angry times happened to coincide with the heavier drinking -- well, that's not a good result.
I was told that "If her drinking disturbed or affected me..." that is all I needed to know for full membership in Al-Anon. Of course that information only worked for a short while and then I went to college to really get the scoop and one thing I found out is that there are soooo many variations of alcoholics that trying to categorize one was a waste of time.
Today I go with simple starting with alcohol being a mind and mood altering chemical and not a health or food source. It affects everything it comes in contact with and it is the affect rather than the chemical which is most important. If alcohol has become "most" important in a person's life to cause negative consequence to themselves and others around them (family, friends and associates) and the drinking continues inspite of the negative consequences the chance are high that the drinking person is addicted...mind, body, spirit and emotions and falls under the definition of "alcoholic". Just for me... Simply "her drinking negatively affected me".
I don't diagnose others...I no longer need to in order to get help for myself.
Alcoholism is not about how much or how little one drinks. It's the behaviors/thinking/beliefs that lead to the drinking and justify the drinking that are the bigger problem. I think AA says something like drinking is a symptom of a sick mind...
So, even if he is having only 2 or 3 beers, if he's an alcoholic, even a sip is too much.
Don't gauge someone's alcoholism by how much or how little they drink. It's how they behave that matters.
Even sober my H acts as badly if not worse, as he did when he was drinking a case of beer a night.
You know for me I think the most important question to answer is: How can I tell if I am an ALANON?
I have discovered that alcoholism is a self identifiable disease. I have found no successful solution in my life when I have tried to convince someone that they are AH by gathering facts, situations and events in life that "prove" they are alcoholic.
The only thing that has worked for me is to see how I am an Alanon. That is where the magic began. When you go to a face to face meeting, you will find hope and the answers you are looking for.
Take what you like, leave the rest.
-- Edited by tommyecat on Thursday 28th of April 2011 10:15:09 AM
