The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know no one can give me the answers. I am looking for ESH to help me make healthy and safe choices.
My AH wants to take our DD on a business trip with him to show her what he does-- a lovely, educational and bonding experience in the world of "normies." In the alcoholic world, it is much more problematic.
I am worried. I am worried AH will be drunk before they even pull out of the driveway. If that happens, I have the power to stop the trip. Though, I am afraid of the wrath I might have to face if I tell AH and DD that she can't go.
They will spend the night in a hotel room. I am worried. The past two times we have stayed in a hotel (all within the last month), AH has woken up in the middle of the night, staggered to the bathroom, and then stood confused in the middle of the room, not sure which bed he is supposed to be in. Eventually, he figures it out.
Last night, at home, after being asleep for a few hours, AH did something similar: woke up, staggered around to my side of the bed, sat down again, took off his socks, went into our master bathroom to "take care of himself," then went into the kitchen to eat pizza. When I mentioned the incident to him this morning, AH didn't respond. I don't think he remembers.
My mommy-instincts want to protect our DD from this bizarre middle-of-the-night behavior. The co-dependent in me doesn't want to anger AH or DD. I guess this is one of those situations I need to turn over to my HP and listen for the guidance I need.
I think my HP had a double-shot of espresso this morning. He/She/It/They is working fast.
The trip is off for now. The date it is rescheduled for conflicts with an important event DD already has scheduled.
Hey, HP, thank you!
I guess this goes to show me that I project ahead too much. I worry about things before they become a reality. I need to focus on today and not 3 weeks from now.
-- Edited by Very Very Tired on Wednesday 6th of April 2011 10:28:07 AM
Great! I would say HP heard you. Yes, we do need to stay in today, this is reality (right now) and this is where we can be the most effective, in our life and others.
How old is your DD? If she is unaware of his "issues" at night or if she is too young to know (bc of age appropriate-ness) perhaps this is not something she needs to suffer through.
I hated having to take care of my parents as a child, it creates a ton of pain, resentment and confusion. No kid should have to deal with adult issues prematurely. It robs you of your precious childhood. I am grateful that HP had a solution for you. HP will take anything that I willingly surrender.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Kid s first .... you would never forgive yourself if something happened to your daughter while on this trip , him drinking is a given . Our kids depend on us to keep them safe , she will be dissapointed if you say no to the trip and husb will no doubt be angry but they will both get over it eventually.
Kitty, DD is 12. I've had a brief conversation with her about AH's drinking (I'm still learning, so I don't want to overwhelm the kids with information I am still processing myself). I carefully chose my words and told her the best thing we can do is love AH and stay healthy ourselves.
To the best of my knowledge, DD has never been awake for AH's nighttime issues. I'm a fairly deep sleeper, so even I don't wake up for everything. It has to be something extraordinarily unusual to get me out of my slumber.
