The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I thought I was dealing pretty well with my ABF, but now I have learned that I am not.
He brings out the worst in me, making me feel bad about myself. I am still enabling, though I thought I was not. We are not good for each other, and I realize that. I think we are not good for each other.
I need to do what's best for me, and staying with him is not doing it. I need to move on, but it's very hard.
Time for me to get back to meetings. I can't do this on my own.
Everything is okay, sweetie. You are right where you need to be, learning what you're learning at just the right time.
For me, I wouldn't stop doing what I was doing, until I was ready. I wasn't ready to surrender, until I was good and ready. When I was ready, the teacher(s) appeared. I am reminded of the HOW of the program... Honesty, Open-mind, and willingness... you're there!
All is well, just as it is, right where we are. It's all okay. ((hugs))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
You describe my past experience in addictive relationships... up and down, up and down... like a roller coaster ride. I kept going back for the thrills, but the lows always came..... always. My part is, I couldn't stop.
It didn't end until I was ready. That's all there is to it. People around me could see it, but I could still not give him up. Even as I began to see the pattern of how unhealthy the relationship was and began to pull back... I would still want to go back to take "a sip" of him... thinking it would be different this time. But it always started the cycle all over again. "Won't I ever learn?"... just as you said. Eventually, I had to practice something different to recover my sanity.
Ever hear of the 3 A's? Awareness, Acceptance and Action. Looks to me like you're somewhere in between awareness and acceptance. The action for me was going to as many meetings as I could... to change my thinking. Because for me, my sick mind could NOT cure my sick mind.
I applaud the awareness you have..." I can't do this on my own." You and me both ((sisterfriend))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Rascal Flatts has a song - words are: I don't wanna see you anymore, I'm just not that strong, I love it when you're here, but I'm better when you're gone. It describes my relationship with my AH well - I love him but I'm better when I'm not having to deal with him on a daily basis; I love him but when I'm alone I am free to be the real me. Sometimes I get to thinking that something in me brings out the worst in him - I know it isn't me specifically, but what I represent to him, a life he isn't worthy of having so he has to tear it down - but that's a whole nother topic!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Thanks glad lee. I am hoping to move forward. It's hard when you can love someone and have so much fun and then not. Mostly not.
That is so true likemyheart, thank you. I feel great on my own, then the lonliness kicks in and I am back at square one.
At least I know that there are solutions out there. It's not a hopeless case if I don't let it be.
I am actually trying to get signed up for some classes. I know a lot of my problem is splitting my life between my kids and him. The kids are worth it. He is not so much. I believe that other interests can pull me through.
"I love him but I'm better when I'm not having to deal with him on a daily basis; I love him but when I'm alone I am free to be the real me."
Thank you likemyheart, this is what I've been trying to articulate to myself all day! I'm sorry that you feel that way, and you too member922, but it is nice to know that the feeling is normal and experienced by others.
Hi Justpretending - I'm not sorry to feel the way I do, it makes me sad in some ways but it has actually strengthened me. I didn't realize how much I liked the "real" me until I wasn't being her anymore and she was lost in the chaos. In a way, I believe that I had to go through what I have in order to see that my life before was really pretty wonderful.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
"Time for me to get back to meetings. I can't do this on my own." Man is that ever the truth in your post. It reminded me what I was taught early on in program. "When you stop working your recovery...it all comes back at you only worse." Relapse...sucks!!
Stay in the program...it works when you work it. ((((hugs))))
I feel just as upset, or more so, than when I had this "awakening" the first time, or second time... Each time I feel like I have wasted even more of my life. Yes I am learning, but I need to spend more time living.
Thanks so much to you all. I have a meeting I can attend on Monday. I need to try a little harder to keep the promises I make to myself.
