simple fix:

He's a doctor, MD's make good money, use his $$$ to hire a maid and buy the hepa filter, everyone's happy

 

[ Original story, by David J. Pollay ]

Sixteen years ago I learned an important life lesson, in the back of a New York City taxi cab.

I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station.  We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.

My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded,
and missed the other car by mere inches! The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and started yelling bad words at us.  My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy.  And I mean, he was actually friendly!

So, I asked him, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and could've sent us to the hospital!"

And this is when my taxi driver told me about what I now call, "The Law of Garbage Trucks."

"Many people are like Garbage Trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it, and if you let them, they'll dump it on you.  When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. Instead, just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happier because you did."

Wow.  That really got me thinking about how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? AND, how often do I then take their garbage and spread it onto other people: at work, at home, on the streets?  It was that day I resolved, "I'm not going to do it anymore."

Since then, I have started to see Garbage Trucks everywhere.  Just as the kid in the Sixth Sense movie said, "I see dead people," I can now say, "I see Garbage Trucks." :)

I see the load they're carrying ... I see them coming to drop it off.  And like my Taxi Driver, I don't make it a personal thing; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.

 

Some people dump garbage, even good happy people, some people do nothing but dump garbage, they are poopy butt dumpers, and they are a pain, it's my choice whether I pick that garbage up and make it my own, I feel especially stupid when I climb down in their garbage with them and make it my own and we just sit their and throw it back and forth arguing about who's garbage it is, what a waste of time that is, how's it go, to the precise extent that we allow resentments do we squander the hours that have could have been worthwhile...beep beep swerve to miss the garbage and keep driving, I especially hate when I argue about the garbage I see in my rear view mirror, how stupid is that?

-- Edited by linbaba on Wednesday 30th of March 2011 11:32:51 AM

well I was being quasi-facetious, not totally but quasi about using his money to pay for those things, my point was the garbage truck story afterwards

thing is about people addicted to things like alcohol and tobacco, is they won't won't scramble to pay for things like maids and hepa filters, but spend their alcohol and tobacco money on that and they will scramble to earn that tobacco and alcohol money, speaking from experience you understand

I don't know, I just am with my sig other on this one, if I whinged about allergies and needed to have everything in the house vacuumed and buy a hepa filter she'd look at me and say "OK, well go ahead, here's the vacuum cleaner, the washing machine, and a link on Amazon to good prices on a hepa filter" and somehow if I didn't take the action to do this myself, if I brought it up again she'd say "I gave you the tools to fix that problem, put up or shut up"

I don't always like her, but I admit to being a bit flummoxed by that logic....it's hard to argue with, my main point was I don't always have to take everyone else's "stuff" on, it's not my job, got an emotional problem? fine, deal with it, it's not my problem and I refuse to make it mine

I learned from Al Anon to put it in who'sever lap it belongs.

I mean when people screw up and make things hard on me. I always say, so what are you going to do about it. Or ok how are you going to make me happy?

With my ex AH, I would say oh? So what are ya gonna do about that? Thats a hard one.

period.

Who knows what an A is going to say or what makes them do what they do They are insane unless they are on a plan of recovery. NO rationalizing that Doctor or not is not the issue. He is A.

You know how most love to parasite off others.

good for you for what ya just said.....love,deb

I think it's fine to state your opinon, but I sometimes have to do a motive check. Are you stating your opinion to make the outcome different? Or are you stating it just to get it out there and then you can go on with your day without thinking another thought about the outcome? If it's the second, I think it's fine - however if it's something you say more than once, more than one different way, and you get all riled up trying to get him to understand and see it from your perspective, it might be an attempt to control. Only you can answer that.

I would put the frustration back on the other person. There's no need for me to be frustrated when I'm not the one having allergies and not doing anything about it. If the other person complains, it's fine for me to just say, "I'm sorry to hear that" and go do something else. No need to sit there and listen to it all night, or to try to explain my point of view that there's no real valid complaint because the other person wont' help himself. I say help YOURSELF and get busy with something YOU'D rather be doing! ;)

Once I started recovery, I realized it didn't matter what scenario was playing out.... if it's not one thing, it's another. What I now need to do is rely on my newfound strength... all the tools of recovery and my Higher power and to keep the focus on myself. I am responsible for ME. Before, I didn't know.

I had similar resentment with my husband for always complaining and never taking care of himself, he was "special" just like your husband, lol. I had to take him to the ER many times, he always thought he was having a heart attack... was always gastrointestinal issues. You would think he'd watch his diet and take his meds... nope. Sometimes I swore he just needed a mommy... or some attention from his suffering. It was so frustrating and I walked on eggshells because I didn't want to trigger his rage. I had a lot of fear in the relationship, we were terribly enmeshed as a couple and I had no idea of how to detach from it. I was there for him, he was there for him..... no one was there for ME. I lost myself. I had to change or else I would kill myself.

The program taught me a lot about practicing something different. Recovery is about me learning how to take care of myself... finally. Today, if I have something to say, I speak my truth. ONCE. If I say it MORE than once, I probably have an EXPECTATION that I can change someone and my experience has taught me that I am POWERLESS to change anyone but me. It also makes me a nag if I say it more than once.... and I don't want to be that. Being active in this program taught me how to stay calm in situations.... to stay on my side of the street... to speak with "I" statements instead of "you" statements so that I can speak my truth without accusing anyone of being responsible for my happiness. I learned how to emotionally DETACH from others so that, however someone decides to live their life... I am able to give them the dignity to do that. Because I'm now focusing on my own life, which is all I really care to handle.

I hope you consider attending meetings, and getting a sponsor... they changed my life. Good luck ((chelle))

Yipes, it's just come home to me that you say that he's an active A and a doctor.  Yipes.  I hope his alcoholism is not putting any lives at risk ... but what am I saying, any A can drive drunk and put lives at risk.  Still, what a terrible risk he is taking, a risk both to others and his own livelihood.  The disease just boggles the mind.