The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i was calling all over hotels for my a and at 4:00pm i located him at a hotel. i called and they put me through i think the hotel was ready to kill me. i called every day until i found him a couple times a day. he answered the phone trashed i said hello , he said hello i said who is this he said his name and then i said this is your wife there was silence in the phone. i said um do you ever think you will be coming home, he said i didnt think you would let me come home or you didn't want me.i i had my bags packed i was going to stay with my girlfriend who was really there for me took me to luch and spent all day with me. as soon as i found him i wanted to go home i told him to come home. what is wrong with me ?he came home ashamed thank god he did not lose his new job his boss was wonderful looking for him calling hospitals i couldnt tell him the story that was my husbands responsibility . our 3 yr anniversary was on tuesday and we did nothing he said when he loked on the computer he noticed the date and called me . he said he will make it up this weekend but who knows i am so confused. he spent $800.00 dollars last weekend i managed to change the pin on the atm card it was killing me seeing the money disappearing. knowing i just paid the important bills not knowing if they will bounce. so now we have no money and my cousins wedding is next week & i dont think i can afford it i feel bad but what do i tell heri dont want her to get charged with the plates but do i tell her the truth . thanks for your support you guys are great chrissy
I really feel for you, you are in a horrible situation. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and don't be afraid to ask family or friends to help you at this point. Your A is not ready yet to do what it takes to get recovery. Once you accept that you can start moving in a positive direction in your own recovery.
At the risk of offending you, I'll give you my take on your situation. I think you are ill from his alcoholism, sicker than you realize right now. The focus has been on him and his behavior and we get so wrapped up in it we don't look at ourselves. I'm not saying you are a bad person or have done anything wrong. It's very hard to think sanely when we are wrapped up dealing with insane, manipulitive behavior. But you need treatment just like he does.
You are helping me right now by giving me the opportunity to contemplate my own situation from my ex-wife's point of view. I never dissappeared for days at a time, but when I was home drinking, I certainly wasn't home. My moodiness and manipulative behavior was inexcusable. I justified it all in the fact that I always provided for my family, never hit my wife, and never cheated on her. She filed for divorce just before my first year of sobriety. I'm sober 2 years now and have changed so much, I know I'm not capable of the same things I did 2 years ago.
I know how painful all this is right now, your A is in just as much also. He is not doing this TO you. At this point he probably doesn't know what he is doing, he just wants the pain to go away. There is nothing you can do for him right now, just take care of yourself and let him hit his bottom. This disease sucks.
Amazing post Lou! Well written, compassionate, and most of all, TRUE. Chrissy, your'd do well to heed the words Lou has written. I agree with him 100%, but could not have stated it nearly as well as Lou has. I send you my prayers and positive thoughts.
With caring, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
It is hard to kept the focus on yourself. I am working on that issue my self. I am always focous on him and the situation isn't getting any better. My husband doesn't disappear for days but hours and when he is gone I start to go nuts. One time he was gone for 19 hr and the 13 hrs. I couldn't sleep I was going nuts. About money I have tried to kept a seprate account for myself so that I don't have to ask him where he spends his money and he doesn't have to ask me where I spend my money. You should think of having an account for your self.
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
