The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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I just left a very tough therapy session. As I often do, I sat in my car crying. I've cried more in the last month than I have in my entire life. Not only has my husband told me that he doesn't love me anymore. His entire family will no longer speak to me. They haven't spoken to me since august. I didn't do anything to them so all that issue was beyond my control. I just miss them sometimes. To make it worse, they live next door, separated by a long driveway. Lol. I've been thrown away by an entire family. An entire family of alcoholics. I still have my exit plan so this won't be forever, but it hurts sometimes to lose people. My husband won't even talk to me. Maybe that's good. At least he's not making promises we both know he can't or won't keep. Just needed to vent.
When I got into recovery and came forward about all the drunks in my family and began to change, I became public enemy #1. My family of origin turned on me, abandoned me 100%. Or they attacked me then abandoned me, lol.
There are only a few, I can count on 1 hand how many staid with me through all of this and its ok. It is ok because if the others want to leave me over trying to recover over the damage done by drunken family, drunken ex's, then so be it! Leave with my blessing, I say!
Its like I am walking over this bridge and on the other side is a happier, healthier life. The ones who want to stay in denial about "mommie and daddy dearest" let them stay on the back side of that bridge on that muddy, non productive land. I am walking to recovery and, yes, I knew coming into this 9 years ago, that I may be walking alone and thats alright. The dysfunctional buck is stopping with me.
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Hi Steph, I always say to myself, "consider the source.....". You are dealing with alcoholics. They don't know any better. It is again going to the hardware store and expecting to find bread there. You are dealing with alcoholics. Actually, in your life ahead there is no room for such negative people. Like neshema say, "the dysfunctional buck is stopping" right here, right now. When I married into the alcoholic family my Father in law hated me instantly and did whatever he could to make me uncomfortable. When it also continued with my daughters, I retreated. I was the one who didn't visit him in the nursing home. I stayed away. In fact, I was a threat to his drinking, his control, his manipulations. I called him on it and didn't put up with it. He didn't like it. And so I retreated for the sake of sanity...of my serenity. Cry it out for what it is, but don't feel bad about your decisions about how to deal with it.
Abandonment issues always get my attention. What you are experiencing is what my family has done to me in my lifetime.
Thanks to alanon and the Steps I found that he first person to abandon me was MYSELF . I gave my power, my control, my happiness , my life over to others and was at their mercy.
Alanon taught me to Focus on Myself and to love myself first and take care of me What a powerful gift that was I no longer felt abandoned because I was inside taking care of my life
(((Steph))) - I think most of us who are close to As feel the pain of abandonment when the disease takes them from us. It is a shame his family cannot see that - but it is their loss and hard as it may be, you have to walk tall, believe in yourself and take care of yourself.
I am pleased you have found this place. We have walked/are walking in your shoes and will walk beside you if you want. Believe me, the support here is awesome. I know.
Thank you all very much. Things have happened slowly over the last year, and this was the first time I got stuck in thinking about how much I have lost over this year, but it was a brief moment of sadness. I read this somewhere......If someone can walk away from you....let them walk. My life is, and will continue to get better. I'll will continue with my plan to move and get past all this. I hope I'm making progress. I truly feel very good most of the time. Thanks to therapy, al anon( I'm still shopping for the right group) and all you folks here.... Thank you
wow, i was beginning to think i was the only one. my husband wasnt an alcoholic, but a meth user. i tried to help him for years and stayed with him thru all the lies cheating and verbal abuse. then he had an affair and left me for my best friend (who uses with him) and blames all the troubles of his life on me. we were together 13 years with 3 children. he refuses to even discuss "us" and his entire family treats me like i dont even exist. what the hell did i ever do to any of them for them to hate me?????????????/
Steph...I left my relationship with my Ex-alcoholic partner of 7 years and had just 2 grocery bags of clothes. I stayed with my 1 friend at the time and just started over completely. I am not telling you to do this per say...Only giving and example of "this too shall pass." My life was so bad and I felt like such crap with my ex...My finances were a mess, he divided me from my family.... All that had been repaired in time. Keep taking care of you.
You got this ball of recovery rolling. It will get to a better and happier place. Aside from your exit plan, I just want to suggest that you do things to consciously take care of yourself NOW. Go out with friends...go to meetings. Participate in the program and in life. None of them sound like they are considering your happiness, so screw it and do what makes you happy! Work out...take a yoga class...whatever gets you out and stops you from focusing on their sickness.
You deserve to be happy. You do not need the approval of sick and unreliable active alcoholics.
Good luck to you Steph. You seem really well focussed. I am lucky to have the support of my AW's family. It must be awful dealing with a whole family of drunks separated only by a driveway! Well done to you.
If you stick with the program, I think you'll look back and be grateful you were thrown away by a entire family of alcoholics. That's got to be better then being sucked in to the vortex and swirling around in the insanity..
Hang in there, it'll get better...much, much better :)
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Steph family is ticked because your husb is now thier problem since your not enabling and taking care of things anymore , trust me I have been there . Your goin to be ok keep going to meetings cry and let it go .. tears heal . Louise
I'm very familiar with abanondment issues. I felt regularly abandoned by the ex A's family. It took a lot of detachment to see it wasn't all about me. One of my core expectatations is to go to people who are totally unavailable for support. I keep hitting my head up against that wall.
Dear Steph--I am brandnew to this board--only discovered it 2 days ago. I've been reading it for hours. I don't yet have nerve to post. But I feel compelled to tell you that after reading your post that I am sitting here with tears pouring down my face with empathy for what you must feel like. Just so you know that you are not alone in your pain.
