The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was dealing with, I think it would be fair to say I was in my late forties and only through haunting these boards and my thirst for perfection and my huge ego, and out of control will, did I start to know, that now I did know although I cannot change the past, I can certainly change my future, at the moment I am still going through many transistions, and I am still dealing with the consequences of those years when I based my choices in denial and inocent ignorance.
I would have to hold my hands up and say that our first child was born after a very difficult wild chaotic sometimes violent 10 year relationship, with my husband who unbeknown to me was a functioning alchoholic, it was me that thought a child would settle my husband somehow, to have something new and fresh in our lives to love and cherish, yes I thought this would change him (ha) as I sit here now how wrong I was to think that the added presure and responsibility of a new life would enhance us and mend an already habitually broken and damaged disfunctional ralationship, indeed after this precious child was inocently born into our already troubled life, things just got a whole lot worse, fast forward today, I am not a person that gives in easy and I am also old enough and wise enough (almost) to understand that I am not good at making decisions I have to keep myself in check to not jump inot most things feet first, and my saving grace has been alanon and mip, what I try to do differently now to back then is, think think about things from all sides, think about my part, my reasons, I guess it's like trying to lay good foundations, and only when I done my best to know I used good hard core would I procede and build the house, I am still prown to topsy turvyness, I have alot going on because I am trying to use my past mistakes to be a better me, and now I get to choose, I know I have to do that by my actions and not by only thinking it, back then I didn't know that I was the child of an a, a sister, then a wife, and more recently a mother to a child with addictions, but now I know I know that, can we all be happy, YOU BET, I would like to tell you I have descovered a new love, this person has been with me throughout this whole process, but I never noticed, that person is ME, I didn't know how to love anybody in the true sence of the word, and I certainly didn't know how to love an alchoholic, you have not been charged for this information
(((Katy)))...RIGHT ON!! now I know and know that I know...then comes the Now What? and you've got that in the process of being taken care of. Thanks for giving that away. I do so relate. ((((hugs))))
to understand that I am not good at making decisions I have to keep myself in check to not jump inot most things feet first, and my saving grace has been alanon and mip, what I try to do differently now to back then is, think think about things from all sides, think about my part, my reasons, I guess it's like trying to lay good foundations, and only when I done my best to know I used good hard core would I procede and build the house, I am still prown to topsy turvyness, I have alot going on because I am trying to use my past mistakes to be a better me, and now I get to choose, I know I have to do that by my actions and not by only thinking it, back then I didn't know that I was the child of an a, a sister, then a wife, and more recently a mother to a child with addictions, but now I know I know that, can we all be happy, YOU BET, I would like to tell you I have descovered a new love, this person has been with me throughout this whole process, but I never noticed, that person is ME, I didn't know how to love anybody in the true sence of the word, and I certainly didn't know how to love an alchoholic, you have not been charged for this information