The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I have been new to this forum for the past 28 days.
I have upside down, mixed up, confussed, anxiety, depressed, lost guilty,anger and whatever messed up feelings a chick could have..lol
I have been working the program for 28 days & 28 nights.
Godzilla (AH) just came home today from intensive rehab. Boy, he looks bad. Seems kind of lost, big sad eyes and appears depressed or lost in life. (Not my problem, Not my fault, Not my basket to carry to the market)
I havent slept in 2 night, wondering if I was going to be strong enough on my steps to handle Godzilla.
Well, by damn, I did today! Woo Hoo
It wasnt easy, but I held on tight & I finally set my boundaries!!! In 15 years...I have boundaries that worked for me TODAY...
I am a big girl with big girl panties...Just for today!!
Kimmy...feels good to be a winner huh? You got one over on yourself...Yay I laugh at the title of your thread. Although I've not ever heard Godzilla I've heard the disease called "a gorilla" and that if you dance with one the dance isn't over till the gorilla says it is.
Very good for you. whoo whoo ((hugs))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 1st of February 2011 11:57:34 PM
Ya gotta love it , good for you. I know its hard and it s scarry for both of you,but if you can remember like I was told if your scared multiply it by10 for the alcoholic , he is living stark raving sober for the first time in years .. but as u say that is not your problem he will have to deal with it himself . We are not responsible for thier sobriety anymore than we were responsible for thier drinking but we can make it a little easier by just getting busy in our own program , minding our own business and staying off thier back. Enjoy sobriety it is after all what we prayed for .. one sober day is worth 50 drunk .. keep the focus on yourself , be respectful to him * it will make you feel better about you * try not to ease his pain by arguing with him learn to walk away from stupid arguments , we have a slogan How Important is IT ?? ask yourself before you react is this worth ruining a good day , for me 90 percent of the time it wasnt . Al-Anon women took care of the need for me to be heard and validated I didnt need to share alot of stuff with my husb as it would only have hurt him and a good chance he wouldnt have understood it anyway. sooooo enjoy stay focused on your needs and you will be ok . I hope you are attending f2f meetings for yourself this room is great but umiss so much of the program by not attending real meetings .. good luck Louise
I empathize Kimmy. I really do. It has to be really hard to watch him and want it so bad for him, but know that you can't make it happen and he has to do all the work himself. One thing that helped me deal with others is knowing that I could still act loving, caring, and empathic....because that is the person I am. Detachment did not mean to not care. It meant that I could be human and caring and all that, but I had to detach from the reaction I got from the other person. While it seems simple to do on paper, it's really very hard to put in practice. The serenity prayer helps a lot.
Thanks for the wonderful feedback...Very much appreciated & Very much needed.
Thru some of it, I read, being nice to him, staying off of his back... I choked a bit on that...
Im usually a 24/7 non stop talker, I think I even talk in my sleep...lol But last night & today...I cant even find words to discuss with him. Dont know if Im speechless or on the verge of vomiting...
We do work together, thats an issue...Financially home/business his behavior & his wonderful thinking process has put all of it in a bind.
Today he finally got out & looked for work (sober), found 1 (service repair) job and come running into tell me like a little kid...
(( I thought to myself )): Wow...Dead Brain Cells Going On In There... Like what, am I suppose to clap my hands, because you found a job?? After almost 2 months off, drunk, and I have been supporting that financially and your excited over 1 job...WTH????
I think if I put a ad in the newspaper for a husband that read: Wanted Husband: You will have no worries You can drink all you want You can Verbally Abuse My Kids & Me You can buy Anything You Want You can Travel Anywhere you want You dont even have to work, cook or clean I wont bring my family or friends around so you can enjoy your time just with me I will do all of the shopping & yard work I will find you jobs I will wash your clothes I will buy my own Christmas, birthday presents You can o to a $10,000 rehab & I will pay for that too & AA once in awhile I will pay your taxes and.... I will even put fresh sheets on your bed ....
Kimmy it is all of that and more... Your cap is about to blow off so look at this suggestion. Drop what you are doing...go out in the back yard or somewhere thats clean so you can't hurt anyone and yourself and ....throw the biggest tantrum you know how to do. Remember how you did it when you were a kid? Now go do a BIG KID tantrum!! After it is done? straighten out your clothes and hair and come back in the house and have a treat and smile.
I use to do it...It works. I even use to do mine in public...malls and parking lots and stuff like that and no one seemed to even notice... Go tantrum.
Kimmy you may not believe this right now but you are going to be okay , You have a sence of humor left altho it be a little sarcastic around the edges you got one and thats alot more than I had when I got here .. I understand your anger but all its doing is ruining a good day and it will get you know where . go to your meetings talk it out with people who * get you * read all you can in our literature about anger and resentments find a page u can work and do what itsays to the best of your ability and life will get better .
Kimmy I just want to applaud you.....where would we be if we didn't put a little humor in our situations! I have to or I would go crazy. I personally refer to my AHboyfriend as Tom (he thinks he looks like Tom Brady) and his parasite. Cause alcoholism is kind of like a parasite, it sucks the life out of those you love, but it's on the inside and it make take them a long time to realize they have one ;) The humor works for me because I am a writer and I blog....a lot. But that is my peace, my place to vent, my writings. But laughter no matter how dark, is always the best medicine!
you got one and thats alot more than I had when I got here .. I understand your anger but all its doing is ruining a good day and it will get you know where . go to your meetings talk it out with people who * get you * read all you can in our literature about anger and resentments find a page u can work and do what itsays to the best of your ability and life will get better .