The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last evening, I had an appointment with my longtime counselor. Actually, I had not been in to see him for about 2 months, because I thought I had been doing so much better. Then came the fall. big ouch
I spent the first part of the sessions whining about my ex-AH's present plight, how he is drinking and driving after just getting out of a 30-day rehab facility. I also went on about my guilt over the divorce and what I should have done..... You get the picture?
Well, the counselor then asked me what I thought my depression was all about. I was a bit miffed, for hadn't he been listening? But I have learned that when I get upset with him, I had better listen. He then asked, "What do you want your future to look like?" Huh? my internal voice questioned. What the heck does that have anything to do with my depression?
Okay, I'll cut through the chase. He made me realize that I'm obsessing over what I can't change or control. And in doing so, that keeps me so busy that I have given myself the excuse not to look towards my future and put a plan into action. Or something like that. Hmmmm, I thought.
Then DAMN! He is so right. Just like many of you say here, "Put the focus on you." You know it's darn scary; I feel as though he took of my veil of denial and handed me a blank canvas and said, "Paint your future." I wanted to run. I don't know what I want my future to look like other than to live a peaceful life.
I hope newbies read this and other posts and learn much earlier than me. You can't change your alcoholic. The only healthy thing is to put the focus on you. Truth is stranger than fiction.
Again, thanks for reading
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
And one more thing sis...No charge from your MIP family...tho I've lost several pounds Yay for me and you could consider mailing a chocolate donut (new or used doesn't matter) just for grins. I don't know what the other members would like but that's mine.
So glad you're awake. Now you can get on with GailM's life. ((((hugs)))) in support
I feel as though he took of my veil of denial and handed me a blank canvas and said, "Paint your future." I wanted to run. I don't know what I want my future to look like other than to live a peaceful life.
I hope newbies read this and other posts and learn much earlier than me. You can't change your alcoholic. The only healthy thing is to put the focus on you. Truth is stranger than fiction.
Powerful Post Gail!
Good for you and congrats on your Ah ha moment! We all have them eventually if we stick around these rooms just long enough for the miracle to happen!
Oh, and btw, a 'bear claw' for me (aka: Jerry F's post)
Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Don't you just love those "lightbulb" moments!!??!! So..... what is your canvas going to look like??? It can be a big beautiful world out here if you allow it to be...
P.S. No donut for me... I'm trying to lose a couple of pounds...
Great insights. Good for you! Helplessness, Hopelessness, and Worthlessness are key symptoms of depression. When any part of your worth as a person is tied up in someone elses addiction, you are going to feel helpless (because you are), you are going to feel hopeless (when they don't get it and when they relapse because that is very common), and you will feel worthless because you cannot be the agent of change for another person no matter how much of a history you have together or how much love there is in the relationship. Basically, when you put any person (or even an animal) in a position where they are exposed repeatedly to bad things that they have no control over, depression is the result. Hence, looking to the future and seeing you can in fact change and control some of your outcomes is helpful. Sounds like you just unlocked yourself from your own prison. Very inspiring.
Thank you all for your replies! Donuts? Oh geez...... I love them too. Jerry, if I could I'd bring you the best chocolate donut in the world. Overcome, I'd bring you the best bear claw around and join you too!
Mark - your words are much appreciated. So very true.
Sweet Stanley - I don't know what my canvas will look like. But I'm working on it.
As I was driving home today, I heard the song by Sara Evan "I Get a Little Bit Stronger."
Whoa! That song hit home. Love it. There are a few lines in the song that says I'm tired of hoping you will ever change...........I'm tired of spinning my wheels... that I can relate to strongly.
Which reminds me of another thing my counselor pointed out to me the other night: You are placing your hope on the wrong thing (meaning hoping my ed-AH will change. Yes, the only thing I've been hoping for is my ed-AH's sobriety. I forgot about me!
Whoa! yes, I love this lightbulb moment. But darn, I'm still scared - but I'm gathering my courage and taking ODAT
Thanks everyone!
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
