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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Really, Really Mom
Post Info TOPIC: Really, Really Mom
DreamXL


Senior Member

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Really, Really Mom
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Ok this is not a big deal but just another reminder....My mom calls me today and says.."you know I was thinking, since you never answer my calls, and neither does your son, you need to when I call becasue what if I was dying"...
Really, really mom I say...first I answer your call when I am available, and call you back when I can if I am unable.  Second of all N doesnt answer anyones calls half the time, and your best bet is reaching him by text, I have told you that.  Then I said, you know what is absolutely ironic about this, just today I was thinking about (which I dont know why) how when I was young you would yell my name from the lower level of the house thinking I should hear you when I am two floors up and because you didnt get an immediate response you sat me down at I think it was age 9 to explain that I need to come immediately when you call because you could be dying.  She of course says.."I dont remember that"...I just said, look if you can use the phone to call me our your grandson we are not going to do you any good anyhow, call 911....Honest to god, it just brought up how if people dont do what she wants the second she wants the manipulation and guilt is just so natural for her......I know its not a big thing, but its her agenda her whole life...its neausating really....



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Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3653
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I don't know what to say but here's a hug! ((((((dream and son))))))

That reminder of the past was good!

My daugter does not always get back to me very fast. But I decided to be ok with it. She is busy, I know she loves me. If it were an emergency, I can text and email.

Maybe mom just needs ya to call and just say I love you. Then gotta go! (c:

love,debilyn

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"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Jennifer


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1382
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Dream ... are you kidding? Not a big thing? You did a huge thing and should be proud!

You wrote ..."I just said, look if you can use the phone to call me our your grandson we are not going to do you any good anyhow, call 911"

That is important. I have such a hard time not feeling responsible or guilty sometimes over similar things and at the times when I actually can put the responsibility back where it belongs I have learned to be proud of myself. You should be too, this has been a very important point in my getting healthy, accepting and forgiving myself that I can not do it all especially when it is a situations I am not trained or can help with! I say Way To Go!

Jen

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Rora


Senior Member

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Posts: 419
Date:
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Here's a different take....

For the majority of my 36 years, I have had a strained relationship with my Mother and offered her curt tolerence at best, but mostly irritation at her quirky requests and demands throughout the years, being unable to offer acceptance and unconditional love to her - until now.
In October she was diagnosed with cancer and her life is reduced to slow, painful suffering day in and day out.  What she has been through has been absolutely horrifying.  If the cancer wasn't enough, a recent surgery has left her brain damaged.
What I wouldn't give to have those annoyingly chipper irrational requests and demands back.

Please be gentle with your Mother.  I'm sure she doesn't do it to purposely to annoy you.  Sounds to me like she's very lonely, has some anxiety and needs to know that she is loved unconditionally. 

Rora

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