"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

babybear · Newbie

What do I do now???

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Babybear, you did a good thing by coming here for support. I want to tell you that it is possible he has alcoholism, narcolepsy, and anxiety. Alcoholism can make all other mental and physical disorders worse. So, don't just assume that alcoholism was the reason for everything. It could be that it is just exacerbating all the other things.

I think a good next step is to find an alanon meeting and get support from others going through what you are. Your caretaking is admirable in some ways, but you need to know when it is healthy and normal versus enabling.

It sounds like you are still unsure of how serious your husband's drinking is. You mentioned you just found this out. The natural instinct would be to think the worst and catastrophize. Perhaps go with him to the doctor? An addiction specialist? Get more information to arm both of you with facts. Alcoholism is a disease and while you sound appropriately horrified by what is going on, you do have feelings and still seem to care about him some.

I hope some of this might help. Most importantly, know you are not alone. You did not ask for this, you don't deserve it, and you will pull through with the help of others and a higher power.

Mark

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

WELCOME Babybear

I understand your confusion and pain. The relationship that you describe with your husband is one I can surely relate to.

Alcoholism is an extremely powerful disease that touches all that interact with it. You did not cause this disease, you cannot cure it and you cannot control it.

You can find help for yourself here on this message board and in the rooms of alanon face to face meetings.

Help in finding meetings in your community can be found by going to

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

It is important that you find support for yourself. The tools of al anon and the support of others who are walking the same road is invaluable.

Breaking the isolation is very important for your mental health
You have taken the first step by coming here

Please keep coming back

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP, and glad you found us... Your role? Quite simply, to choose recovery for YOU.... Al-Anon, this site, great books - learn, absorb..... it is all about growth and awareness.....

"he will either drink or he won't...what are YOU gonna do?"

Time to turn the focus onto the one person you CAN do something about - you....

Take care
Tom

RLC · ~*Service Worker*~

Jennifer,

You received genuine experience, strength, and hope from the three members above. We all have something in commom, we have all been effected by someone else's drinking. Consider putting face 2 face meetings in your immediate future, they can and will change your life for the better.

I'm glad you found us. Keep coming back. Start your recovery. It's a good feeling not being alone anymore.

HUGS,
RLC

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Finding out yesterday that alcohol was the problem dosent sound strange at all , i put no connection to the attitude and behavior to the booze , mainly because i had no idea how much he was drinking , all i ever saw was the six pack he brought home every day how can six cans of beer cause this ?? well I had no idea how much he drank in a day or what he had stashed in the garage so dont feel bad your not alone . What do u do now ? find some meetings for yourself and get your life back on track as tom says if he's gonna drink there is nothing you can do about that his choice but alot u can do for yourself . Make yourself your first priority for a change . Louise

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I think I always knew the ex A had a problem. I just didn't want to buy into it. He was a great and relentless liar.

I really did not know how to put my best interest in there. I never put my self first although the ex A railed day and night about how selfish I was. He also could project very well that any issues we had were all my doing.

I'm glad you are here. If you have a chance get a hold of a copy of Getting them Sober (offered at the top of this page by a very gracious and generous member).

I look forward to getting to know you.

Maresie.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Babybear...When I first got to Al-Anon (on the second try) I didn't know anything
and didn't know that I didn't know anything or what it was I was supposed to know
also. whew!! But I got a suggestion from an angel on the Al-Anon hotline where
I lived who told me that my life depended on the information she was giving me to
get to the first face to face meeting available. I did...I sat, listened, learned,
read, practiced, practiced and practiced and then found MIP (here...Miracles in
Progress) and I'm good to go and follow the suggestions and pass it on to others
who's life has been affected by someone elses drinking.

Keep coming back. ((((hugs)))) smile

TT5 · Newbie

Hi Babybear,

I just found this message board today and the first thing I read was your post. I am brand new to al-anon and I wish I had found out about it a long time ago.
Trust me, it is NOT strange that you did not know your husband was an alcoholic. Your situation is the same I was in 4 weeks ago when my husband came home totally down and told me to take him to rehab. Yes, I knew he had some problems, but I had no idea they were that severe. I also thought he had a mental disorder and was suffering from depression. even thought he might have a brain tumor. I felt like an idiot when I was confronted with the truth. why did I never see it was that bad?

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone with this.

your role in this? I don't know to be honest... but from what I learned the past few weeks, and what I am still working on understanding, is that we, the family members, are NOT at fault! nothing you did or didn't do caused this. it is hard to comprehend, I know...but I am learning to understand and if you go ahead and go to some al-anon meetings and read about the first step, in time, you will understand.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"