My AH arrived home very early on Thursday morning, and is leaving to return to his jobsite today.

I had some issues during the weekend, including watching, in spite of myself, *very closely* how much he drank.  But I didn't say anything.  A few times I had the opportunity to make some very passive aggressive statements about drinking (we were discussing some of his buddies who have gotten themselves into a lot of trouble, and I really had to fight the urge to make highly critical statements about them that would have, in fact, been thinly veiled criticisms of my AH), but I kept myself in check.

I felt best at one point on Saturday, when my AH and I were having a calm, mature discussion about the various challenges each of us faces while he is gone.  He was acknowledging how difficult it is for me to single parent, and then he said that he felt bad that I was still doing it, because he knows I did it before (after my divorce from my first husband).  And then he threw in this incredibly cheap shot and said "except when ____ came over to help out."  ____ is a friend I had during my divorce; it was not a romantic relationship, and he came to help me twice, for an hour each time, when I was in a child care bind.  My AH has decided that I had a realtionship with ____, yet has never cared to hear the real story.  He hasn't mentioned it in a very, very long time, and it shocked me that he brought it up in the midst of what was actually a very peaceful weekend. 

Instead of flying off the handle and yelling at him for bringing it up when he really has no idea what he's talking about, because he refuses to actually listen to the story, I simply told him that I really couldn't understand why he brought it up at all, and then I just dropped the subject.  He tried, half-heartedly, to goad me into a fight a couple more times, and then he dropped it too.  He fell back into making excuses for his hurtful and abusive behavior (mostly how hard it is for him to have to be away), and I calmly told him that it didn't make it OK for him to take his bad mood out on me.  He tried to turn it around on me (well, YOU take it out on ME), and I calmly told him that we weren't talking about me, we were talking about him.  Then the whole situation was totally defused.  An hour or so later he apologized for "taking a cheap shot" and I accepted his apology.

I know this is a lifelong journey, and I will always be learning and growing.  I was so, so proud of myself for staying serene and refusing to engage.  It really did make the difference this weekend.