The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just drove over 800 miles to meet up with my wife in another state. She said she had to get away and think. She told me she was on her way to Indianapolis, IN to visit with her deceased ex husbands mother who she could talk to about anything. It went exactly as bad as I thought it might as I left North Carolina. Even worse. I called her and told her I was here, in Indianapolis. She said she didn't want to see me. I was so hurt inside. I told her that I would respect her time away that I just wanted to be in the same air space she was in. I missed her so much. I told her I would leave some money for her there, at a Starbucks coffee shop with a letter and video I had made for her, and I would turn around and head back home. I left her 100.00 and the letter and the video on a usb flash card at the coffee shop, with a worker that was getting off at 3pm, so I told her she had to pick up by then. I waited across the street in a strip center mall parking lot, just so I could see her. Not approach her, or anything but simply see her as she picked it up. What I saw tore me up inside. She and her boyfriend who she said she was not having an affair with showed up and he got out of the car, went inside and got what I had left for my wife! I was so hurt that with 21 years of sobriety, I found myself sitting in front of a bar, in my car, crying my guts out that afternoon.
I tried to reach out to AA here, this big city with hundreds of meetings, and when I called Intergroup I got a answering service, not another alcoholic to talk to. They took my name and number and said they would have someone call me immediately.
Many hours have passed, and I haven't gotten a call. But... here's the kicker.. because I didn't drink while I was waiting on it, I am still sober today. Heck I think its really cool when a call from AA that didn't come in keeps ya sober!! LOL
HP knew I just needed time to wait, to think and feel, and now, I am safe in my hotel room, going to sleep a few hours and head home where my pets are eager to love all over me.
I will get to a meeting while in transit tomorrow.
Thanks for being here, each and every one, and letting me pour this out of me.
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
((((hugs)))) John i can relate to both of your posts all the way down to match.com lol :) That didnt last too long for me either! it was just out of panic also. Ten years later and the pain has gone and i am happy today for my ex husband who has met someone for him :)
I can hear your pain, nothing to say to remove it for you, It is a learning process, and a grief process all in one it seems. From experience i know it does pass, but it takes time. Will keep you in thoughts and prayers.
Kerry
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Life can only be understood backwards, But it must be lived forwards
(((John))) I read both your posts and just wanted you to know that we understand. I was seperated from my AH for 7 months and it was horribly lonely. You have great strength John and you will get through this. Everthing happens for a reason and you just have to wait and see what plans your HP has for you.... One day at a time.
Good stuff John.... not easy, to be sure, but kudos to you for prioritizing your sobriety over everything else....
I love that old AA saying that the "worst day sober is better than the best day drunk"....
Relationships are hard, and "not settling" is even tougher when we are feeling lonely, sad, etc.... Things WILL get better.... Dive into your program right now, and lean on those who can help you see straight.....
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Continue to keep HP by your side. When you have weak moments as you know you will, imagine HP standing by your side, and each time ask for His will to be done.
We use the phrase "your never alone" many times in both programs, but the words are so true, HP is always by your side waiting for for you to ask for His help and guidance.
Never forget you have a family here that has you in their prayers.
Congrats on your decision not to take the easy way out and take that drink. It is a testimony of the strong program that you work and it is inspirng to all of us. May God bless you always, he is always by your side...so lean on him a while And don't forget all of here that share your pain because while we may not know each other face to face we are a family. so please feel free to lean on us too..... we are here for you always Prayers your way Blessings
