How I feel - Al-Anon Family Group

marcia · Newbie

How I feel

parfait624 · Veteran Member

Marcia I know how you feel. I suspect my ABF has also recently been drinking. He has been in the program for three years and claims he has not had a drink the entire time. But with his recent behavior I beg to differ. I think he may be sneaking a shot here or there when he is alone. I asked him about it and he denies it. It is frustrating because there is nothing you can do for them. You can only help your self. It does seem unfair that your relashionship is not as easy as that of others. All you can do is work on you and pray everything works out the right way.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Are you sure Marcia? I haven't had a drink in over 31 years and still go to sleep early
and at times will snore. Mine is age and weight related. Maybe more needs to be
revealed before you let your happiness leave home. Happiness is an inside job any
way...you get to keep it no matter what's going on outside of you; real or imagined.

Feelings are choices and can be changed at anytime into how you want it to be.

((((hugs)))) smile

RLC · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Marcia,

Sometimes our alcoholics play tricks on us and, sometimes our mind plays tricks on us. One we are in control of and the other we are not.

It is said alcoholism is a disease just as diabetes is, that's true, the difference being diabetes does not effect everyone it comes in contact with. For me some days are harder than others. But I try hard to separate the disease from the person. Most days I'm successful. But I'm thankful I have my program to fall back on on the days I'm not.

You have your HP, your program, your literature, and hopefully a sponsor. If you call on one of them or all of them I bet your feelings will change for the better. The disease knocks us all down from time to time. That's O.K. and understandable. Tomorrow is another day and the program allows us to pick ourselves up and start all over again. That's the beauty of it.

HUGS,
RLC

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Ok, I have heard Alcoholism compared many times to Diabetis.

I am a Diabetic, Insulin dependent. I dont get it! How is it the same.??? I dont fall down, I dont slur my words when speaking, I dont make bad judgements, I eat a doughnut once in awhile and still can drive. I dont stay out nites and go on Twinkie binges. My Mother also has Diabetis, so does my brother. Ive never seen any of us turn into Dr. Jekyl or Mr. hyde if we have some chocolate. How is it the same.??

The only thing that I see can be the same is if an A is abstinent and trying to be sober like a diabetic trying to stay on program. If we go off our sugar goes high and we get sleepy and go to bed and we dont bother anyone. We have to stay on a strict diet and know our limits , take our medicine if we want to stay healthy and live. Is that what you mean?? I dont think Diabetis is as difficult to manage as alcoholism. We are missing the compulsion and everything else that goes with it.

Anyway, If your living with an A, there is always a 50/50 chance (Im being convervative) they are drinking. This is why we have a program , so we can focus on us. Do you want to waste 50%(probably more) of your time obsessing over it, or do you want to do something more constructive with your time. Do something you enjoy doing. For every negative action, replace it with a positive one.

As my friend Jerry always says, Practice, Practice, Practice. Luv, Bettina (hell, I have even woke myself up from my snoring, lol )

-- Edited by Bettina on Sunday 9th of January 2011 01:57:35 AM

marcia · Newbie

Thank you. Today is a new day. I read my Al-Anon books last night, I let go and let God and I focused on myself. Thank you for your reminders - even like the alcoholics, we in Al-Anon, stumble at times too. I have to get a sponsor. It is my New Year's Resolution. Went to my first meeting years ago and still haven't gotten a sponsor.

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't agree with the therapist's statement. I don't know any alcoholics that can handle just having a little alcohol on the sly in recovery. In my opinion, that's why they are alcoholics - because having just a little alcohol was not a possibility.

However, whether an A is drinking or not is the A's inventory to take.

Glad you're planning to get a sponsor!! Good for you!!

liam · Member

Bettina wrote:

Ok, I have heard Alcoholism compared many times to Diabetis.

I am a Diabetic, Insulin dependent. I dont get it! How is it the same.??? I dont fall down, I dont slur my words when speaking, I dont make bad judgements, I eat a doughnut once in awhile and still can drive. I dont stay out nites and go on Twinkie binges. My Mother also has Diabetis, so does my brother. Ive never seen any of us turn into Dr. Jekyl or Mr. hyde if we have some chocolate. How is it the same.??

The way they are the same, is not in the symptoms, but in they are both a disease.A disease is not a learned behavior, there generallyis no cure, and left untreated will end up in death. The symptoms of diabetes, cancer and alcoholism are all different, but they are all three in fact diseases. Maybe what the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says about it will be of some help.

18ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

An illness of this sort-and we have come to believe it an illness-involves those about us in a way no other human sickness can. If a person has cancer all are sorry for him and no one is angry or hurt. But not so with the alcoholic illness, for with it there goes annihilation of all the things worth while in life. It engulfs all whose lives touch the sufferer's. It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents anyone can increase the list.We hope this volume will inform and comfort those who are, or who may be affected. There are many.

20ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

You may already have asked yourself why it is that all of us became so very ill from drinking. Doubtless you are curious to discover how and why, in the face of expert opinion to the contrary, we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body. If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking-"What do I have to do?"
It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. We shall tell you what we have done. Before going into a detailed discussion, it may be well to summarize some points as we see them.

How many time people have said to us: "I can take it or leave it alone. Why can't he?" "Why don't you drink like a gentleman or quit?" "That fellow can't handle his liquor." "Why don't you try beer and wine?" "Lay off the hard stuff." "His will power must be weak." "He could stop if he wanted to." "She's such a sweet girl, I should think he'd stop for her sake." "The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again."

Now these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. We see that these expressions refer to people whose reactions are very different from ours.

Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone.

Here is a link to the Big Book on line. I know for myself that fully understanding the problem, helps me to implement the solution.
http://www.whytehouse.com/big_book_search/index.asp

-- Edited by liam on Sunday 9th of January 2011 01:47:06 PM

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

I see, I think!!

Where I somewhat disgree is that I think that drinking is a learned behavior, both genetic and environmental.

I do agree that it is a disease, with many factors involved. The difference Im seeing is most people who are diagnosed with Diabetis, like me, or cancer. Want to get better and live. You know a majority of alcoholics end up with Diabetis and it is left untreated.

Alcoholics do want to get better so they say, or do they really want to. I say they rather enjoy the high it gives them.

Its not their fault that they have the disease, but it is their responsibility to find sobriety, if they want it.

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I wouldn't actually say it is a learned response. Obviously there are different types of alcoholics as there are different types of any disease. I do know my younger sister had the classic alcoholic response. As soon as she started to drink, she drank heavily to excess and she drank all the time. There are different levels she has gone to from not being able to function at all to now drinking wine at night (of course it is every night). My sister certainly doesn't look as bad as she has (she had tremors in her hands) but she is still incredibly ill.

We can all compare apples and oranges. The issue is that the classic symptom of alcoholism is they don't make changes when alcohol affects them. They lose jobs, homes, cars, licenses and they still don't see that alcohol plays a part.

Denial is a powerful defence and one that is hard to break. Denial can cross many barriers there are plenty of people with serious physical illnesses who don't take care of themselves. I had a friend who had heavy bleeding for 13 years, she did not go to the doctor for 13 years, lo and behold she had cancer. She is as ill as my sister is.

I've spent years quantifying how sick people are. Now I know when I encounter a "sick" person that I need to take a wide berth unless they acknowlege they are sick they are not going to make any changes in their behavior. I can these days try to limit how much that affects me.

Maresie.

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank You Maresie, good points.

I meant learned in the way that children of alcoholics see the way their parents drink to respond to the issues in their life. Always reaching for that drink is a way to show your children how to deal with life. And also there is the genetics involved.

I have read also that some kinds of depressions are learned responses from the children. That happened to my younger brother, who saw my Mother respond in that way.

Just think its interesting.

Bettina

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

The chains of habit are too weak to be felt
until they are too strong to be broken. ----- Samuel Johnson

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. ----- Samuel Johnson

The chains of habit are too weak to be felt
until they are too strong to be broken. ----- Samuel Johnson