is it right for me? - Al-Anon Family Group

JrsMommy215 · Newbie

is it right for me?

craftygirl · Member

That is exactly what alanon is for. It's here to help you learn to cope with what's going on, and to help you be the best you there is. I thought for a long time that I didn't belong here, and that my problems weren't 'as bad' as everyone else's. But the point is how it makes YOU feel. If you feel out of control, and like your life is unmanageable, then you're in the right place. Keep coming back, you'll get a lot out of it if you do.

JrsMommy215 · Newbie

I've never attended just been told about it. I guess a huge part of me is scared and I don't know why. I keep making excuses as to why I can't go and as much as I see myself doing that I can't seem to get around it. I know I need to just go and see what it's about.

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

Jrs

You landed in exactly the right place. For me my son is an addict not and alcholic it is still the right place.
You will find we have experienced many of the same issues as you have and are and through working the program we learn how to work through all these issues...anger, rage, resentment just to name a few.
Addiction is a family disease, it affects all of us....here is alanon you will find people who can understand you as no one else can, you will find love, support and get educated on this disease of addiction.
Please I urge you strongly ( as we don't give advice ) to definitly find an alanon group in your area and start attending...it is the best gift you can give yourself and your child. Had I known I needed my own recovery when my children were young ( as I grew up with addiction) I would have been front and center at any alanon meeting I could find. I didn't know that living with or around addiction we take on many of the same behaviors and coping skills as the addict. we went so far as to move our children away from our families when they were young so they were not exposed to the daily drama and trama of our addictive families. We thought in doing so we would break the cycle. But having not found our own recovery we also moved our own dysfunctional thinking with us hence perpetuating the disease. Imagaine our shock when our son became an addict when we thought we had done all the right things.
Now I work my own recovery, work on changing my behaviors and attitudes and am reclaiming my life.
Don't ever think you may not belong because you don't feel your situation is a serious as others.
We are all here because addiction has affected our lives, our lives had become unmanageable. we make no comparisions or judgements of each other ever.
If you would like to check out our online meetings to get a feel for it we have them twice daily in the meeting room and they are awesome. You will be welcomed immediatly as part of our family and you will be supported.
Glad you found us

Please keep coming back
Blessings

clep · Senior Member

I can identify with this so much. Resentment and hatred towards my A used to be overwhelming. I just couldn't believe that alcoholism could possibly be the cause of a couple of the things he did that seemed unforgivable. They were truly horrendous in my eyes, and now in his as a sober person.

I too used to say hateful things. I couldn't understand that as I am completely different where everyone else is concerned in my life. I went to therapy, read all sorts of self help books and they did transform me as a person, just not where my A was concerned.

The only thing that worked was going to Al-anon and working a program. I had my sponsor a couple of months after going to meetings and I changed in a way I would never have imagined.

It was the best thing I ever did for myself. I am no longer angry or resentful. I am happy and relaxed even in the midst of complete chaos. I of course avoid chaos, but there are times in life where it is present, and when that happens I can handle it pretty relaxed.

Going to Al-anon saved me, my relationship and my child from a great deal of chaos that I didn't realize before I had a part in.

It sounds like you think you can be doing better. Al-anon will give you the tools to do just that.

Blessings

sunflowergirl · ~*Service Worker*~

Alanon is for anyone who is affected by addiction. It helps those of us who are codependent feel, deal and heal from our own disease of pain. When I came to this board and to Alanon, it was for my bf who was drinking and using opiates. He had gone to a rehab and I had come here. I am also here as an adult child of dysfunction, which makes me codependent as well. Alanon can work for you. If its not alcohol, its addiction that you put in place of the word alcohol. I pray every day for guidance from my Higher Power. I am learning to let go and let HP take over. I hear you on the resentments and anger. I have learned to let go of that too, because that stuff just makes me sicker. There are days when I may fall into my old patterns and now I am better able to come out of it and get back to my new found serenity. ALanon offers you tools to learn how to forgive. Because forgiveness is not forgetting and saying it was all ok, forgiveness is not allowing that bad stuff to rule your life anymore. As I work slowly on step 4, I realize more and more how I have to feel the pain from my childhood so I can deal with it and heal from it. Alanon is for you, to help you recover. Take care of you :) It works when we work it.... Keep coming back :)

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

An addict is an addict whether they use alcohol, meth, heroin, cocaine, prescription pills,food whatever.

Everything that Al Anon is, is that we love or have an addict in our life.

My A is poly addicted. He will use anything, everything. Addiction is seen in our dna. There are people who are predisposed to be an addict by markers in their dna. NO one chooses to be one.

Its a disease. So being mad, is fine if it is towards the disease, not the person.

I hate cancer, it has taken so many of my loved ones, made them act in ways that were not usual for them. I didn't get mad at them.

Your sons father sound like he is indeed in a strong program of recovery! I am so gald.

I hope you can learn to detach from the disease and its horrible ways, and learn to like the man.

Glad you are here, hope you come back! love,debilyn

JrsMommy215 · Newbie

Thank you all for you kind words and advice. It's been a rough road and I realize that he had an addiction and so did I. His was drugs and mine was him. I was addicted more towards the evil side and thinking that if I hounded him and harassed and threatened him that at some point he would change and when he didn't do what I wanted to I snapped and have yet to stop. Already you all have made a HUGE impact in my life and I realize that you're all right. It's nice to know that there are people out there that genuinely do care and that alanon is not just for families/friends of alcoholics but for addicts. I am thankful that I joined this group and that I have all of you to be here to support me. Addiction is hard especially when it's been around me my whole life with people I love. I hope that through this experience I can gain some insight as to what is inside me that makes me feel the way I do and act the way I act. I am ready to make a change and I hope that it can also mend some of the bridges that I have burned. Thank you again!

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Find a meeting quick , sobreity is not that easy either and as you say hes clean your so angry you cant really enjoy it ,which by the way is normal you too need to recover from this disease he is not the only one who has to change we do too .. were not responsible for keeping them sober anymore than we were for thier using or drinking in the first place but we can help them by having our own program getting rid of the anger and accepting responsibilty for our part in the mess we made . Al-Anons understand exactly how you feel and will help you come to terms withthe past and enjoy the future . If you think you do not belong in our program look for naranon in your area for families of addicts, if there is none go to Al-Anon it wont take long to see your in the right place.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.