The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I always knew my HP would help me understand when I had enough. This has been building for weeks and his drinking has got worse but this morning after receiving a load of verbal abuse I called the Police (its not the first time). I could have had him arrested and will do if he 'breaches the peace"again but I have told him to leave and that he has 24 hours. I get all the usual self -pity crap and emotional blackmail - but I have had enough.
He is sleeping it off at the moment and I know better than to try and engage further until he is clear of the alcohol but if he is still here in 24 hours I will apply to the courts for an injunction. I don't do this out of hatred or revenge but the sure and certain knowledge that there is nothing further I can do to help him and that until and unless he takes some responsibility for his life and his addiction he has no hope and it is time my life moved back into the sunshine.
I am not even sad any longer - I have given every chance for his recovery and perhaps not surprisingly as I progress in mine I finally know when to give up on somebody whose life has been destroyed by this evil addiction.
I know that I have support from my al-anon friends and they and my HP will be there for me at this horrible time, but oh how I hate this disease and pray for relief for all of us from its torment
Yep, that's how I "knew," when the fear and anger I once had transcended into a calm decision. The sad and the scary stuff is all still present (like the financial fear, in my case) but I moved forward anyway.... clinging to my newfound faith in Higher Power... making the decision to turn my will and my life over to His care. Suddenly, God was doing for me, what I could not do for myself.
Stay close to your fellowship and Higher Power, all shall be well. ((hugs))
-- Edited by glad lee on Wednesday 5th of January 2011 04:40:15 PM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
My prayers are with you. You're very brave and it is helpful to know that at some point the time will be right to move on. (I'm moving out of our bedroom tonight ...I'm not as brave as you yet.) Good luck Stay Strong.
I always knew my HP would help me understand when I had enough. This has been building for weeks and his drinking has got worse but this morning after receiving a load of verbal abuse I called the Police (its not the first time). I could have had him arrested and will do if he 'breaches the peace"again but I have told him to leave and that he has 24 hours. I get all the usual self -pity crap and emotional blackmail - but I have had enough.
He is sleeping it off at the moment and I know better than to try and engage further until he is clear of the alcohol but if he is still here in 24 hours I will apply to the courts for an injunction. I don't do this out of hatred or revenge but the sure and certain knowledge that there is nothing further I can do to help him and that until and unless he takes some responsibility for his life and his addiction he has no hope and it is time my life moved back into the sunshine.
I am not even sad any longer - I have given every chance for his recovery and perhaps not surprisingly as I progress in mine I finally know when to give up on somebody whose life has been destroyed by this evil addiction.
I know that I have support from my al-anon friends and they and my HP will be there for me at this horrible time, but oh how I hate this disease and pray for relief for all of us from its torment
Thank you for letting me share
I know how much courage that takes. I had to tell my AB to leave a week ago. He is currently in a shelter trying to find a program. He doesn't have health insurance and he's broke. I am grieveing. I am sad. I will support him only if he gets help. I will not let him move back unless he has gotten his 'xxxx' together. Tough love is just as hard on us as it is them.
-- Edited by canadianguy on Wednesday 5th of January 2011 04:30:53 PM
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Take it one day at a time. If that is too much take it a minute at a time.
(((flinn66))) I am in awe of you. Your strength shines through your post. I think at some point, most of us here will get to where you are if our loved one doesn't find their sobriety. My AH is currently working his program, but if he wasn't, I seriously don't know if I could go through what I went through last year again. I don't think I am strong enough. I pray for peace for you and the strength you will need in the coming days. Stay strong.
It takes alot of awareness and "seeing the picture for what it is" clearly. The "enough" when I reached it wasn't for my alcoholic wife to hear but for me to hear and then act upon. The alcohol owned her and she continued on without a stumble.
Cunning Powerful and Baffling and then we say "Enough!". Practice that...practice, practice, practice.
It was very hard for me to leave my rage-aholic ex husband. I went to the women's center twice to talk with them about the cycle of abuse...
They taught me what I couldn't see when I was engulfed in the madness believing that what he said was true: I was crazy, I was all the names in the book that he called me... Finally realized it was not true and got out.
I am truly thankful for that time with him for I would not be where I am now. Our HP's really do guide and listen to us :)
Thanks for your post and know you are not alone :)
-- Edited by sunflowergirl on Thursday 6th of January 2011 06:31:01 AM
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
Thank you - I am neither brave nor strong - my HP is ...
This has been a horrible day for me, eventually he spoke and told me he would not go to AA or get help under any circumstances, I know this is not personal - it is the disease and for now at least the alcohol has won. As calmly as I could I stated that I could no longer live with active alcoholism and therefore our relationship of nearly 6 years must end.
At this stage I have not yet had to take out an injuction - he has left of his own accord and said he will not come back (I have a suspicion that he has a set of keys with him) - so I am just awaiting the Locksmith to change the locks and have phoned the Police as a follow up from their visit yesterday stating that he has left. It sounds horrible but of course I fear he will drink again and either do something stupid to himself (he has before) or turn up here drunk.
I think I have covered all the bases for now both for self - protection and as a duty to alert the Police should he self -harm.
I have spoken to my sponsor and for the moment feel calm but with all the grief of a broken relationship still in the background and I know that will hit me - I must trust that my HP will not ask me to bear more than I can at each moment. My sponsor sent me a prayer - I share it here as it is bringing me comfort:
Let Go and Let God
Higher Power, help me to understand to 'let go' does not mean to stop caring. It means I can't do it for somebody else.
To let go is not to enable; but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness- which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another its to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for - but to care about
To let go is not to fix - but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge- but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to protect - its to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny - but to accept
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desire, but to take each day as it comes - and cherish myself in it.
Thanks for all the hugs they really are appreciated, and luckily I will be at another f2f meeting today.
I feel very sad that he has no where to go, but I just pray that his HP guides him to a shelter, church or anywhere that he may keep warm and safe. He did not try to get into the house last night.
I slept well, much better than I expected, and am trying to counter every negative thought (oh that awesome responsibility I had become so used to taking for another!) with a more positive thought.
I must TRUST - Try Really Using Step Three and allow my higher power to do his work, and also that now I have LET GO that my exA's HP will be able to do the same.
