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He called asking to come home. He only gave detox 2 days. He left and has since drank again. I don't know if he used any other drugs. He said it will be 29 degrees tonight. I think he ran out of money. What should I do? Should I take him to a shelter. He can't come back to my home. I just don't feel safe or comfortable. I have my child to think about. He said he would stop drinking for me, for us.I told him it doesn't work that way. He made me feel guilty saying he is going to die out there and that he needs my help. He want to detox at home. I said no.Did I do the right thing? He said I could be his "nurse". I don't want to be his 'xxxx' nurse. I want him to get him from proffessionals. I said I would take him any where he wants to go. He hasn't showed up yet. Hope he didn't pick up a drink.
-- Edited by canadianguy on Tuesday 4th of January 2011 02:37:12 PM
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Take it one day at a time. If that is too much take it a minute at a time.
It's so so hard when that happens. Holding our boundaries can be so hard when they are trying with everything they have to get us to violate our promises to ourselves. And the disease will do anything (and make any promise) to protect itself.
I would guess that some part of him, in there with his disease, is looking to see: "Can I get away with drinking and leaving the program? Can I make a soft place for me to land so I don't have to do the hard work? I bet this isn't really my bottom -- I can make it not be. I do not need to suffer the consequences of my choices and I shouldn't have to!"
Maybe if he didn't have a ready place to go, he shouldn't have left detox...?
I hope I'm not sounding too harsh, or maybe I am because I've been there too. In my case my A always claimed the drinking was behind him and so why would I be so cruel as to keep my boundaries. It took a number of tries before I saw that it was the disease talking.
I don't know what his options are (though A's always seem to have more options than they claim they do). I know that in my case I wouldn't get face-to-face with him, even to drive him somewhere. Because they want to suck us back into our addiction (protecting them) so they can keep practicing their addiction. Your first priority is your own healthy serenity. If I were in your shoes I would turn him over to HP and AA. But everyone's situation is different. Whatever you decide, please take good care of yourself.
One of the things I learned on this recovery journey was if anything I had did, didn't work...don't do it again. I also learned the difference between enabliing and helping and still use that as my operating manual when working with alcoholics, addicts and others who refuse to work the program of recovery...just as I did when I first got here. I am grateful for the sponsors who refused to enable my illness.
Suave if I get into your alcoholics shoes I am feeling the pain on all levels of being an untreated alcoholic. The pain (for me) is a tool used by God to help him stop the run and turn around and go for real help...you are not real help...you are comfort and comfort helps the disease to get fat and lazy.
If he has the time and ability to call you he has the time and ability to call the program of AA or OP/IP (outpatient/inpatient) treatment, or a shelter.
29 degrees was good reason for me to call out to my Higher Power when living in someones garage without insulation, heat or hot water. "It's soooo cold what can I do?" I whined. "Put on another blanket" HP responded. "Oh I got one of those" I remembered and then everything was solved for that moment.
What is one of the responses I have under your situation? "I don't know how. You gotta go see someone who knows how." Trust God...steps 1 - 3 (((((hugs)))))
I am dreading the phone call when my 19 year-old grandson calls and I have to tell him he cant come back to my house. My husband put his foot down after the New Year's fiasco we had at our home. He is at a crisis center per 10-13 (sheriffs deputy transport). It is an awfully long story but one that I am sure you are all too familiar with. I am not sure I can say no when he calls. He is only 19, where will he go? I know he will find a solution but it is hard for mamas and grandmamas. I have been around this program for a long time but I have been inactive when it matters most. I took an addict in my house, sent him to rehab and he came home clean and serene and I fell hook line and sinker. Dear God, does this ever end. I have been plagued by family members addictions all my life and I want some relief!!!
I want some relief !! well then i suggest you do the opposite to what you have always done . The alcoholics in our lives have a HP too and will take them where they need to go' I was told to step aside so God could get at them *. go figure .
