The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Oldest son who has been home for the holidays for two weeks has to leave today.....It was so nice and peaceful to have him home, the kids and I have missed him a lot. His dad (ex-A) did not see him during this entire visit. Granted our son didn't want to see him...but really...the ex sure didn't try very hard.
I know that A's think differently than normal people....all I know is if my son was in town and he didn't want to see me, I'd still be doing whatever I could, showing up or something....(of course I'm secretly glad exA didn't) but still.....it's pretty mind boggling!! I think that he's afraid of our son...(who is 20...and in the military) and I think that he will be back to harassing me once my son is gone. This is very unfortunate because I have been so much better not dealing with hearing from him! So back to reality I guess....
I think some people, regradless if they are alcoholics are not, have a difficult time with communication, especially with those they love. Most of us want unconditional love, but we don't know how to give it.
Our eldest son, who picked his dad up from the county jail after being arrested for DUI, continues to not talk with his dad. Both my ex and son talk with me about the situation; it's very apparent they love each other. However, neither knows how to communicate with the other. My son doesn't know how to deal with his anger. (He has been contemplating attending Al-Anon meetings.) My ex is full of too much pride to contact him. It painful to observe. But in time, I pray the find their way back together. It's been a little over a year. I've handed the situation over to the God of my understanding.
It could be your ex is hurting deeply and unable to express himself and his love to others. So he ends up drinking to escape. I don't know. Just a thought.
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Seems to me, you can get your peacefulness back if you just keep focusing on your visit with your son. Avoid projecting into the future... it's destroying your serenity today. Avoid wondering what he MIGHT be thinking... you are never going to know.
The A has a drinking problem, we have a thinking problem. What I focus on gets bigger and bigger. So, direct your focus on all the good stuff. Why focus on the faraway clouds when there is abundant sunshine? Thank your HP for all the Good. ((hugs))
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I wouldnt try to guess why your husband didnt see your son. Just be grateful you had a nice time with him and a nice holiday.
One can never judge why the alcoholic does what he does, could be he is ashamed and thats why he doesnt see his son.
I know that was the reason my XAH didnt have a relationship with his own son thru the years, he was ashamed. The belief Im trying to correct in my own life is assuming people think like me, that includes non alcohlics. Dont take the focus off yourself and your serenity wont be broken.
I relate to what Glad responded with and what Christy posted after your post. Fact I copied it and found a space on the fridge to magnet it into place...here it is.
Nothing has any meaning save the meaning you give it. This can change your entire experience of life. Repeat this quietly in your mind at any moment of stress or upset: Nothing has any meaning save the meaning I give it.
~Neale Donald Walsch~
Just passing it on. (((((hugs))))) It's still a new year.
