NEW... I am so sad and hurt. - Al-Anon Family Group

suave75 · Veteran Member

NEW... I am so sad and hurt.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm so sorry you're going through this. But glad that you're taking good care of yourself and your daughter. I hope you can also get to some face-to-face Al-Anon meetings too. Go to several because they're all different.

It sounds as if your fiance is deep in his addictions. Sadly, as you may know, the disease of addiction is progressive unless the addict chooses to get help. And sadly they do that on their own time and schedule, not on ours.

My alcoholic husband also moved around between addictive substances: prescription drugs, illegal drugs, overeating, gambling, hoarding ... usually several at once. He would declare he was giving up one or more of them from time to time. He started at AA more times than I can count, and went through rehab once. Back in those days, I was so relieved when he started working a program, and I took him back more than once because he had, it seemed, finally seen the light and was getting clean and would be everything I had hoped for. In his case none of those things lasted. I didn't know then that only about 25% of the people who join AA stay sober longterm. I wish I had known, because I wouldn't have invested so much in the idea that he was going to stay sober. I think he believed it (until the pull of addiction was too strong for him), and I was even more eager than he was to believe it.

I know those lies, deceptions, and stealing so well. It's such a blow. It's so sad.

I am so glad you're taking care of yourself. Learn all you can about addiction by reading these boards and some materials (the book "Getting Them Sober" has been helpful to many people), and going to meetings. If you start working the steps and practicing your own recovery, things can get so much better. In the midst of it all, I never could have believed I'd have been able to come through it. But as they say, it really works if you work it.

Hugs to you.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Suave

I am so sorry that you are in this pain and have been affected by the disease of addiction. If your BF is in detox then you can start to take care of you

Please find face to face alanon meetings in your community.

By going to the following link:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

And placing your cursor over about us in the upper left of the screen, 3 more pull downs open. One of these is information for the newcomer, and the second is Al-Anon for you; both have good information.

You need to break the isolation caused by this disease and connect with people who understand what you are dealing with.

Al Anon face to face meetings will offer you constructive tools to live your life

Please try to attend 6 meetings before you make a decision Please keep coming here and sharing.

You are not alone

-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 31st of December 2010 09:23:49 PM

mjhyankees · Senior Member

you feel defeated? I understand why because I felt that way many times...but the reality is you were anything but defeated. You stood up for yourself and your daughter. You didn't enable him to continue his self destruction (he may do so anyway but it won't be with your help - and maybe this was his wake up call).

Cross610 · Member

I'm so sorry you're going through this... I remember the feeling of relief when I would find out my mom was in detox, rehab or jail... just knowing that she was safe for the night or the next couple of days. Even though it is so so so painful, IMO, you couldn't ask for a better outcome after having kicked him out.

It's inspiring for me to see that good things really can happen when you make the right decision for yourself (and in your case, your daughter too). I admire your strength

Hang in

suave75 · Veteran Member

disbelief Thanks for your responses. I'm am trying to hang in there. I am very sad and lonely. I am grateful he is in detox.

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP
Glad you found us

I sure know all to well that feeling of defeat, I wallowed in it for years with my own personal problems as well as my sons addiction.
The only thing that has helped me stop feeling defeated and start feeling some success was this program of Alanon. I got here and everyone understood everything i was going through even the things that didn't have to do with my sons addiction. Many people here had been through my own personal experiences. I am middle age and it took me this long to find a place where i actually fit in. And was accepted for me, defects and all. i didn't have to pretend anymore to be something or someone I was not.
Also by surrendering my total life to HP ( whom i call God ) I am learning to be the person I was meant to be. A big change for an old lady lol
Please get yourself to meetings, get the focus on you and start getting yourself healthy!!!
By the time many of us got here we were as if not sicker than our A's....i know I was. I was completly out of control and didn't need a drink or a drug to get there. Sheesh
Please keep coming back
Blessings

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.