The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've packed up and I'm just about to load the car and drive away. The gravity of this move has just hit me and although I am finally taking control of my fates and no longer allowing his disease to rule my life, the pain of what I am losing is hitting me.
There was so much potential, so much good that we could have shared. So much love wasted.
I hate the disease, but I love the man and I will always love him.
Hon I promise, it is hard, BUT in a little bit, a sense of peace will remind you of how life can be. I know I forgot what it was like not to have the disease eating at me.
I was amazed by how resiliant I was.
May I tell you, I napped a lot. This takes so much out of us to make this huge step. I made myself sip water, ginger ale, got ginger ale caps, multi enzymes too. My gut always takes it all.
Please be so so kind to you. And he is still there. Remembering one day at a time helps, we have no idea what is coming.
When we take control, we will feel better.
I have no regrets for not going back. none. It was done. I knew it was done.
It is so sad of all this disease can strip from us. The hardest part of leaving, is you don't WANT to. Sometimes the disease just gives us no choice or it would leave two casulties to this disease instead of just the alcoholic. You need to do whatever makes YOU happy. I know you don't feel very happy now, but in time, and recovery, you will find peace and serenity in your life again. Be gentle with yourself. Peace.
I am struggling with this decision right now and I know exactly how you feel... there is so much that I will lose. It feels as if everything would be perfect if he would just stop drinking. Well not perfect, because nobody or nothing is, but we would be happy together.
But honestly, I am leaning towards leaving. I just don't think I will be a good mother, daughter, sister, friend or wife if I stay.
I hope you find a meeting to drive to on your way out. There will be a chair waiting for you and literature and people to talk to who share the experience of what you are going thru now. Go to the white pages of a local telephone book anywhere you stop at and look for the hotline phone number for Al-Anon and call that number for information on when and where we meet outside of MIP and come sit, listen and learn. Bring an open mind cause you will find help. You are not alone. Anywhere you go there is an Al-Anon Family Group with a membership within reach and willing to help.
Thanks for the well-wishes all! Would have loved to stopped off at a meeting but I had a car full of pets and kids and a long drive ahead. However, I've found quite a few meetings in the area that I will be attending this week.
I won't deny it. It hurts. I know that I hurt my husband but I need to protect my kids and hopefully, shock him into getting help. Not to mention, it's time to get me back on track.
I'm looking forward to working the program as I embark on this next phase of my life.