The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, I spoke to my Friend on Monday morning as she was on her way to a meeting. We talked a while and she sounded like she was embracing recovery, sobriety, and AA.
I asked her her boy (B) could come over in when she was done since the kids have not seen each other in a while. She said he had no plans and would probably love to come over and hang. She said she would call after her meeting.
After a while, my son (D) asked if Dianne had called. I said not yet, lets wait and see. Hours go by.. Finally her son calls and asks if my son wants to go bowling with them. My son told him that he thought B was going to come over and that another friend was coming over so that they could all play. My son told B that he is more than welcome to come over but he did not want to go bowling since the other kid was coming over. My guy was sad but he knows he cant be alone with my friend as the only one in charge. But he sucked it up and had fun with the other kid.
I just do not know what to think. Why did she not call me after the meeting like she said she would? She acknowledged that my kid wanted her kid to come play. Why did she have her kid call and invite my kid to go somewhere when she knows my kid is not going to be with her unsupervised? She told me that she knows I wont let my kids be with her unsupervised. So, now my mind wonders.... is she drinking again and is that why she did not call me herself? Is she embarrassed and did not want to call me and ask if she could take my son knowing I would say no?
I am just not going to let my kid know if I have attempted to make plans for her son to come over or go with us anywhere, because it is not fair to him to be disappointed like that. If it happens, great.. surprise!!
So, here it is Wednesday afternoon and I have not heard from her. I just found out that she and her family have left for a few days to go to an indoor water park with other families.
Do you think she just needs some space? Should I call her and ask her whats up?
This sounds stressful -- I'm so sorry this is happening.
I don't know what your longer history with your friend is, or what kind of a person she is generally. My experience is that some people are alcoholics, and that makes them unreliable. And some people are just flaky, even without being alcoholics. And some people are alcoholics and flaky.
If she is genuinely in recovery, it's early days yet, and even if people stick with recovery, their lives are in transition and they may not have much concentration for anything else. I guess I might think: if you talked to her, what are the chances she would become more reliable? Unfortunately, most unreliable people I know stay unreliable. Of course, you know how out-of-character this might be for her. But it sounds to me as if she's not on top of her life right now, for whatever reason.
It sounds to me like a good idea to protect your son from the uncertain plans. How nice that he had another kid to play with even though your friend's son didn't make it over. I wonder why your son didn't ask him, "Are you coming over as we arranged?" But I don't know the whole story so that might not have been a good question at that point.
Human relationships are hard, even without alcohol in the mix. I hope she can stay on the straight and narrow and become a better friend to you, but do keep on taking care of yourself and your son no matter what.
Aloha rgoldy...Bettina's suggestion is what works and we learn it in the rooms of recovery...I was gonna say allow her grace (same thing) and check in with her when she gets back. People (me) make mistakes all the time. (((hugs)))
