The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH and I have worked out a set recovery schedule that includes meetings for each of us. We take turns watching the kids so the other person can get to a meeting. Last night was my night to go, but my back hurt and I told my AH I didn't think I would go. I said I'd rather sit on the couch and not move. My AH paused for really long second and said, "But ... you haven't been to a meeting in, like ... a long time!"
I felt a big wave of irritation and defensiveness - like I was being attacked and he was saying I needed a meeting! Before I even thought, I said, "Well, I guess it's good you're keeping track!" My tone of voice was NOT nice - and as soon as the words were out, I thought about Step 10 and how a prompt amends would be imminent...as soon as I got over feeling wronged, of course.
So I spent about 10 minutes thinking about what happened before I apologized. It occurred to me that I'd done that exact same thing to him sooo many times. I'd logged his meetings in my head, asked him if he needed another meeting in a day (or a third one), knew the exact AA schedules of at least 3 groups in our area, etc. I felt justified in all that before recovery. After all, my motive was good.
I realized yesterday that it didn't feel so good having someone else doing that stuff to me! I got a little taste of things from my AH's perspective.
About 10 minutes later I went to apologize, but before I could say anything, he made amends to me for trying to control my recovery. I also made amends.
It's good to see the program working. I'm glad I can recognize my bad behavior a lot sooner now.
Yeppers... good awareness on your part, and it's kind of refreshing, in a way, when we can see these things from the other perspective once in awhile....
T
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Hi White rabbit, I have experienced this too. My partner was becoming axious that I did not have a sponsor. We had a little chat and decided to keep the focus on our own recovery I too did not like being told what I should be doing and have had a taste of this too in my work life Hp has been bringing lots of opportunities for me to identify my short comings well done for noticing ad keeping the focus on you.
That was such an inspiring post. My A is in recovery, but not practicing, reading etc. That is how things used to be between us before he slipped in his program. I could have been doing better in mine too.
I am hopeful to get to the point where the two of you are.
Thank you for this post and congratulations!!! Great self awareness.
i've taken other people's inventories my whole life these days my own inventory is all I am concerned with. I certainly slip and slide but I do get back to that eventually.
You're precious Rabbit. Thanks for bringing that lesson home to MIP!! LOL. Don't you know that liking it isn't required?....(a Christmas gift from one of my elder sponsors to me and now to you...no charge required either). (((((hugs)))))
