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Hi everyone. So, here's another update on my previous posts re AH passing out at work, people think he's dead, 911, hospital ect...
AH takes a bus home from the hospital. Gets home and it frozen, shaking, crying, scared.
It broke my heart to see him like that. I can't even describe the pain.
I hugged him.
We go sit down to talk. He breaks down and cries and cries and he's shaking, anxious, clenching, telling me it was so scary and he doesn't ever wanna go through that again, and this is it, he sees he's killing himself, he doesn't want to die. He's so f'ed up but he wants to get better, he wants a life....
He tells me he needs to reach out more, stop lying to himself, take advantage of all the help he has right now and quit BSing everyone and telling them he's ok, when he's not. Things need to change.
We talked for a long time...
He then goes and calls his sponsor. They chat for a bit and AH asks if I can drive him over there. We go, I drop AH off.
An hour later his sponsor calls me. Sponsor says that he thinks AH needs detox and the 28 day rehab program here through our addictions foundation. He tells me where things are and how we can get this ball rolling and what AH needs to do. The sponsor told me him and AH talked about this but that AH is having trouble focusing ect.. so he's telling me too.
Sponsor says although AH isn't withdrawing so bad right now, he is not thinking clearly at all. He's having suicidal thoughts in that he's thinking he's not worth it, this will be too hard ect..
Sponsor said he thinks AH may very well drink again if he doesn't go. He has to think straight, so he needs to go to detox which is 10 days - then to the 28 day rehab. So, AH would be gone for 38 days.
I chatted with sponsor for a long time... (I really like his sponsor).
Anyway so I go pick up AH as sponsor said to and we should chat and then AH can call him tonight or tomorrow and let him know what he is doing.
AH and I talked, he is scared beyond imaginable, but wants to go.
I am beyond sad this is happening right before Christmas. BUT, I am relieved in a way to have some ME time. I will take this time to focus on myself better without the distraction of insanity all around me. I will go to meetings, clean my house, do crap that needs to get done.
I will pray for myself to get better and that AH finds his HP and the strength to get into recovery.
This disease is so very painful to live thru . I am so glad that your husband has decided to be admitted to detox and rehab and that he could follow his sponser's s suggestion. It does seem that your husband is ready to listen to the message of recovery and that for him, detoxis an important step in the process.
He will be safe and become healthier while there . I am glad you have plans to take care of you and recover as well
You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
That is superb news Danielle..... Christmas isn't even a factor - this is life or death for him right now, so if he gets there tomorrow, all the better.... Think of it as the greatest Christmas gift ever - the gift of sobriety....
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
(((Danielle))) You and your AH are getting a wonderful Christmas gift. My AH was in rehab during Christmas once, and it was the year that my kids went to the in-laws, so I was alone. But... it wasn't all bad... it was my Christmas of reflection. This disease doesn't wait for anything or anybody. When they are ready for treatment, they have to go. Peace to you.
First, (((HUGS))). I've been in your shoes, and it's so hard. I am glad to hear that your H talked with his sponsor and is going to rehab. That is great news!
My AM spent two Christmases in rehab. As difficult as it was, it was the best sleep I had in years knowing she was in a safe place, with the opportunity to begin a life sobriety. And, because the holidays are very hard for her (feeling inadequate, anxious, self-conscious) I think she liked the peaceful and controlled environment of the treatment center instead of the pressures of a big family gathering. It was a blessing for us both.
I've read your other posts as well and am so impressed by your strength. I will be thinking of you and your family!
-- Edited by SeekingPeace on Monday 20th of December 2010 02:19:36 PM
I am so glad he has taken it upon himself to make this big decision. Good for him! He will be safe so you can rest and build you back up.
I hope he finds things that give him tools to get through this horrible disease. No matter what, every day clean is good. And everyday he is in rehab is good.
It is very clear how much you love him. He is very fortunate to have you. You have taken everything with such grace.
Hope you keep us updated. Please let him know there are people out here who don't even know him who really care.
