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Hi everyone, that you all for your kind words and support.
I haven't gone to the hospital....yet. Instead, I went to my parents house and hung out with them and my sister. I have a hard time reaching out but I'm glad I did cause otherwise I would have just sat here and starred at a wall.
I called the hospital and spoke with the triage nurse. AH had been there a half hour and wasn't admitted yet - I told the nurse he was an A and about his meds ect..
AH called me 40 mins after getting to the hospital. He says: "uh, hi, so um, ya, I'm at the hospital"
I told him I hoped he would be ok, that I spoke with the parents of the boy he was working with and they told me what happened, that he got drunk and passed out and they were scared, had a hard time reviving him, called 911, paramedics came, ect...
AH says:"uh, well, ya, I didn't feel well, I understand if you are mad, mumbled some other crap and hung up on me".
He called back 10 minutes later and says: "Uh, hi, so I know you hung up on me cause you probably hate me, but, ya, I'm still at emergency, in the hospital, in a wheel chair, and I'm so scared it's my heart, they said I have a bad heart"
Then he starts crying about how his dad died of a heart attack when he was only 39 years old so he's scarred about his heart and dying. ect.
I said I love him and that the paramedics said he was really drunk. I just left it at that.
AH talked about his heart some more and cried some more, said he had chest pain. We said I love you and then he had to get off the phone.
An hour or so later I called the hospital. At this point he was admitted so I spoke with his nurse. She told me that he was very quite and didn't open up much, that he told her he had chest pain and about drinking and some childhood stuff. She said he minimized everything.
The nurse said that his heart rate was normal and he was hooked up to an EKG and so far, it didn't show anything abnormal but the doctor hasn't looked at it yet. They took his blood but no results yet. The nurse asked me tons of questions and I told her all about AH's suicidal thoughts, his stay in the psych ward, his meds, his drinking ect...
So, I'm guessing AH is minimizing his drinking to himself by blaming this on his heart??
He knows I'm worried about his heart cause his dad died of a heart attack so he PRETENDS his heart is bad?? Did he pretend he had chest pain? AH is only 28 years old.
Did AH lie to the doctors and say he had chest pain just so he could tell me he had an EKG and talk more about his heart?
EKG showed nothing wrong or abnormal...
I hemmed and hawed over going to visit him forever. I might go still but am SO tired right now.
I didn't go to the hospital yet because I don't trust myself that I will be able to not get angry, to not lecture him, to not tell him he has to stop drinking... even though I'm not mad at all right now, I'm just so worried and sad and my heart is breaking. I just don't know how I'll react when I see him. I would just hug him and say I love you, I know this, but if he started going on and on about his heart, I don't know if I could resist talking about the drinking....
I WANT to go because I love him and want to see him and see he's ok. But, I KNOW he's ok, I've talked to his nurse.
ugg.
AH called me again, not long ago, and now he sounds not really drunk anymore. He told me he's staying for a while...that his 'heart isn't that bad but not great'. He told me that the doctors told him that he is killing himself by drinking and smoking and not eating healthy. He said he's worried and scared and that this was a VERY scary experience for him. He was crying.
I want to hug him so bad it hurts.
I told him to call me when he's getting released. I told him I love him.
A very emotional time. It's so hard not to have expectations that what scares us so much will scare them into recovery. But remember to look at what he does, not what he says.
What he's doing right now is focusing on heart problems as if they're responsible. Maybe he did have pains in his heart (though remember that real heart attacks often don't involve pain, but crushing pressure in the chest, shoulder, or arm). I can imagine that passing out from alcohol involves all kinds of unpleasant feelings. But his focus has flown to his heart, away from the real problem. My A was able to lie to himself just as easily as he lied to other people. Starting recovery involves not lying to himself. He can panic himself thinking about his dad and his own heart. It's a great thing that they gave him the tests, because then he has the chance to see that his heart is not the issue. But is he truly interested in making sure this never happens again?
It's so hard to watch them go through an episode, especially one that scares them. And even harder to watch them go through an episode and respond by going deeper into their disease.
You need lots of support. This is not easy at all. Can you get to an online meeting here? Please keep coming back and getting the help and support available on these boards. You're not alone. Hugs to you. Take good care of yourself.
Wow. I just want to say that I admire the way you are handling things. Seems like you are keeping a cool head. Caring but not too involved. Letting him handle his own consequences. I am very impressed.
Well done danielle, this isnt easy, and I guess whatever way you handle this A will find some way of twisting this, remember he is in the right place and as hard as this is it might be getting him closer to recovery rather than further away, this is all part of the process, so try to hang on, thoughts and prayers with you both.
I, too, am impressed how you are continually letting him know you love him, but not getting sucked in. I also think it is great that you have the self-awareness to know that your visit may stir up some unhelpful reactions and responses. I now have the self-awareness but not the restraint, and when I follow my feelings I almost always regret it! I'm glad you have family to reach out to for support. Remember, this will pass and things will change, and you will be able to hug him soon when you are able. In the meantime, he is okay, will be with himself, and have to figure it out.
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Wow Danielle...you are sounding so strong....so proud of you! It sounds like you're doing all the right things. It does sound like he's trying to take the focus off his drinking and blame this entire thing on his heart.....sounds all to familiar. Amazing how they are so good and try so hard to convince everyone who will listen about what they 'think' is wrong with them. I'm so sorry you're going through all this during the holidays, I know how you must feel, it's so hard any time, but during the holidays when you just want peace and happiness its doubly hard. Just keep doing what your doing, stay strong and lean on all of us for support! Hugs
