The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was struck today about how the realization that I have CHOICES has been instrumental in my recovery. When I got here, I didn't know I had many choices. Seemed to me like I had either choice A that was bad, or choice B that was even worse. Everything was just so black and white, and I didn't realize that there were all kinds of choices in between.
I've learned here that things aren't black and white! Loving a person with alcoholism and choosing to be in a relationship with an alcoholic partner does not mean that I have signed up to tolerate unacceptable behavior. I can both be in the relationship AND have boundaries. Who knew!?? I didn't!! :)
Just wanted to say thanks to my recovery family for helping me to realize this.
I'm glad to read your post. I'm new here, and I'm still at the choice A or choice B phase. I can't see an in between, because I am so angry and frustrated and hurt, and have gotten into such a routine of fueling these feelings.
I hope one day I can calm down, and be more mature about my reactions.
Summer thanks for sharing that, I know for me I felt trapped, and of course when we are feeling trapped, we dont or cant see a way out, now I know I have choices, it makes me feel free.
Dawn, how can you be calm in the middle of a storm? so dont be too hard on yourself, this turned me from a practical, balanced person, into a neurotic wreck, why are we the ones who feel bad for our behaviour, thoughts, feelings, reactions, when this isnt our sickness or doing, and yet the ones causing it seem calm and rational? Crazy huh?
For me, my disease is truly all encompassing. My symptoms are obsessing over everything and anything and anyone else but me. I use these old ways to cover up for how I feel. When I stop obsessing and focus on me, I begin to see what I need to let go of and that yes, I do have choices. Everything is not black and white. I am sick, I just use people instead of substances to cover up my illness. When I use the tools of Alanon, what my sponsor gives me and the help of my HP, I begin to feel better. WHen I focus on me, and realize my choices, I feel better. Great share!
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
Black and white is something I have always struggled with. I have used many tools that I have learned in therapy to see that things aren't always that way. Actually almost never.
I always allowed others choices that made mine for me. I am stronger than that. I'm happy to see it now. And yes, freedom is worth most any trade off.
