The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Before Thanksgiving, I wrote here about my anxiety over friends who were coming and who are heavy drinkers (they even bring their own beer, so there was no guarantee that my just not having alcohol to serve would keep them from drinking). They don't know my H is an A.
I talked the issue over with my recovering AH, and he discussed it with his sponsor. He decided to write an email to them before they came. Here is what it said:
We look forward to seeing all of you over the holiday.
I am an alcoholic and am currently in recovery for alcoholism. I have finished an intensive outpatient program and am in AA and am early in my sobriety. It has not been easy and my family and the program have been immensely helpful.
In speaking with and [Cloudsea], my sponsor I have come to the conclusion that I need your help. Your drinking around me is not a problem, as long as it is within reason, but it is mandatory that I do not have access to alcohol of any kind this early in my sobriety. Please do not store alcohol in our house, in your locked car is fine. Carrying around a beer, wine or a drink is fine but please do not leave them laying around unattended and discard any leftovers.
My sobriety is critical to my survival. My life has improved immensely and I look forward to it getting better every day I remain sober.
Thanks for your help and we look forward to catching up.
-- Edited by Cloudsea on Friday 3rd of December 2010 09:05:59 AM
The end result was that those friends sent back a nice email full of support, and they decided to stay in a hotel (!). I guess drinking was more important than free lodging.
He sent the same email to other friends who were going to visit who drink but no so heavily. None of them brought a single alcoholic beverage with them. yay!
Anyway, I was so proud because before this, even when he would tell people, he would just say "I have stopped drinking." He would never use the A word previously.
I was also proud of me because I brought the issue up with him, and when he initially blew me off (saying he could handle their drinking), I said, well I am uncomfortable about it whether you are or not. Also, I didn't have to write the email or even suggest any language for it. It was all my AH. It was his issue and he addressed it.
So I give Thanks this season for growth and recovery!
Wow I know how worried you had been prior to this visit What a wonderful way you handled it by discussing it with your husband and giving him the dignity to think the problem over, consult those most important to him And above all for him to have the courage to send that email....I found that incredibly awesome. That really took so much courage to write that and essentaily "out" himself to your friends and be prepared for the consequenses. Also how wonderful that your friends totally understood and were willing to do thier part in helping with your husbands recovery. Really the only word I can think of is WOW Just shows how amazing this program ( his and yours) works when ya work it!!!!!! Blessings
