I'm a relative newcomer to Al-Anon, I've been attending meetings for a little less than a year now.  I'm rather stuck on Step 2, so I'm definitely not working the steps at this point.

To me, working the program means having a knowledge of the Al-Anon principles and keeping a conscious awareness of them and how they play out in my daily life.  To get that knowledge, I have to read the literature regularly -- and I have to really think about the concepts that are presented.  Then I have to apply the tools whenever I'm facing a challenge.

I got my feet wet in service work pretty early, as my home group is small so I was asked to chair after only four months.  I attend Al-Anon functions whenever I can (we have Fellowship Days) so I can meet members from other groups and hear speakers.  I'm hoping I can find a sponsor soon.

Much of the time, "working" means that I'm thinking instead of merely acting and reacting automatically.

The steps were a life transforming experience for me.  I think about them and apply them to my daily life.  I hope to continue to learn more about them, myself, and my relationships and never stop working my program.


tlc

I try to think and practice the program in all my affairs. I always feel better at the end of the day when I have practiced the program to the best of my ability.

The slogans are not words anymore, they are my tools that guide me and make my life better. "Don't React", my favorite, has been a life saver.......always reminding me to put my mind in gear before I put my mouth in motion.....

I read and learn from my MIP family daily. The ES&H given freely of this board is priceless, and it has been priceless to my program. There are so many MIP members I am indebted to.

My two meeting are the highlight of my week. I go to my meetings for me first and hopefully give back to others what the program has given me.

I try to take two steps forward for every step I take back. Everyday I try to gain on this disease.

I live in the disease of alcoholism, yet I consider myself a fortunate because the program has given me recovery, peace of mind, and serenity. Quite a turn around from four years ago when I entered the rooms of Al-Anon. My life at the time could have been best described as hopeless, crazy, and alone in the insanity of the disease.

I no longer check my mail for a diploma from this program because I realize Al-Anon is a journey not a destination. Practice, practice, practice.

Because of and in spite of the disease of alcoholism this program has made me a better, happier, and more grateful person.

Thank you HP.

HUGS,
RLC

glad lee, ur bolded sentence there, no quite frankly it scared me bc I felt it was impossible.  The first two years I was back in alanon (3.5-5.5 years ago from now)- it was all abouot me learning to (just) focus on me, MYOB and essentially come out of denial - denial that I had contributed to the problem, denial that I could help myself, denial that I was just as controlling and manipulative as they were.
   I did not and felt as though I could not love myself - that process began when I hit my bottom (my third suicide attempt) and I truly realized that I had not yet begun to even try to surrender anything to HP and program.  I was resistent and sure in my own mind- that I deserved it all and I could not get any better from life/me.  Well, that was where I was - so I had to surrender all of that - all of those "expectations" of my own failure, fate and inability.

I got the idea from a Carolyn Myss dvd (cd the Energetcis of Healing)- to sit one day and chart out in percentages - where all of my energy, emotional body and power/thoughts were going.  I borke it all down and I did not even make the list - my job, car and pets did, but I did not.  That was the first thing I had to change - I had to make me a priority in my own god given life and not my family - bc I put my mom there first, bc I was so self scarificing and I loved her so much - that is such a dangerous trip for women in general (bc of motherhood, I think)- we cannot put us in front of our kids/families- well if you are not of peace of mind- then no one around you, esp kids- wont be either.
   Kids blame themsleves when their parents arent happy and peaceful and then we are in the thick of codependent enalbing.

So at this ripe old age, of 39 and this 3rd atttempt to rid me of the pains of this world- I began to truly work it- to surrender what I was thinking and doing and try a new way, a kinder and more gentle one, one in which I was soft with me and kind - bc I knew what kind and gentle were.  So that was something - quantifiable.  And when my inner voice would beat me down about something I was not immediatley perfect at - I stopped myself, apologized to me for not doing it like I "expected" and trying again. 

For me a slip or enalbing is even thinking about thier mental health - it is not my job, my mental health and happiness and peace of mind are... all I can do is detach with respect and love, giving them the dignity to sort out their own lives (and to also suffer thier own consequences) and for me to do the same.
   I spent a year doing forgiveness work, as the memories came up, one at a time, I worked to see all sides of thier perspectives, accept that they did the best they could at that time (as it is the past, anyway) and then to  forgive all players.  Incidentally each time I would attempt to forgive someone, I had to first forgive me for holding the resentment in the first place, for being human and getting hurt, for trusting or whatver it was.

What we hold onto becomes a trap and our realtiy - what we fight about, we make true for us.  I so wanted to be free and each time I forgive a past slight, it is NOT for them, that hurt me, bc my anger is doing nothing to them, it only hurts me and drags me down in anger/pain.  Forgivng a pain and truly releasing it, no u dont forget but you dont allow that to define you anymore and u are liberated from feeling it constantly - it goes to the ethers and we become a little more of what god is.

It took boundaires for me to really change and feel - emotional detachment and autonomy and for me to gain some self resepct, instead of always compromising me for others, that self sacrificing martyr trip is just that, an ego trip of doom.  It does not show HP that I am grateful for my life, if I am sacrificng me at every turn, no it shows HP that I consdier my life to be disposable and that I am worth less than, and that is a lie of the disease.  HP/god is love, compassion and forgiveness - infitine and boundless and exponentially given - it is us that must take that leap of faith, and just begin loving us first, then we treat others better (I found) that it only allowed me to be more understanding, not less - self preservation is not selfish, it is necessary to thrive!

About three years ago, I also got some info about dating and I applied it to program... well, first I only did not ask questions of the guy I was dating.. now as I continue to practise not asking questions of others - I can see it was a way in which I threw my control and power around.  Asking questions I found was a way for me to control, micro manage, direct, cajole, persuade, manipualte -- all of it is not me or my side of the street.
   dont get me wrong, if someone brings up a topic, then it is fair game to discuss -but I work hard to not initiate questions... if I want to share, then i share from my self and my own perspective.  And trust me, as I do not monitor them, they are much more willing to share them with me - in a more true and real sense.  (of course I am not speaking on the topic of your children, u have every right to ask questions of anyone that comes into contact with them - that is a diff situation- I am talking about questioning adults on their activities alone).

Self mastery, no I never thought I could get close and now I can see it is really a potential reality that is ever nearer and always being tested.  Keep working it for you and know that you are worht it and more! Love and forgive YOU of all u can first and then be grateful for whatever u can and it gets so much better and easier with (constant and) daily practise.  This is how it is working for me. 



-- Edited by kitty on Friday 3rd of December 2010 11:35:04 AM

hI

GREAT SHARES

FOR ME WORKING THE PROGRAM MEANS:
READING MY COURGE TO CHANGE EACH MORNING,
WRITING A GRATITUDE LIST EACH DAY
MEETINGS, SPONSER, STEPS SPONSEES

PRACTICING THESE PRINCIPALS IN ALL MY AFFAIRS

YES , READING THE STEPS AND REACHING THE 12 STEP AND BEING PROMISED I WOULD HAVE A SPIRITUAL AWAKENING  IF I PRACTICED THE STEPS, CERTAINLY CONVINCED ME TO WORK THEM IN EARNEST

I AM SO GLAD I DID

-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 3rd of December 2010 06:12:08 PM

-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 3rd of December 2010 06:13:19 PM

I enjoyed the reading, it felt like having coffee together

I start my day much like White Rabbit, as soon as I become conscious in the morning, I try to let God fill my head before I do. I start thinking of the first three steps, "I can't, God can, I think I'll let him." Sometimes I say the step 3 prayer too. Then, I roll out of bed to sit in my chair to meditate. I light a candle, it reminds me of my HP. After meditation, I pray that I can fulfill my "marching orders" for the day. (my sponsor always calls it that.  She told me that living a spiritual life was not about ME anymore, I am to become a channel for my HP.  So, she suggests I get my marching orders every day.)

I usually call her daily. (I have her on speed-dial!) And, I try keep in touch with other fellowship members. When I listen to how someone else is doing, it helps me to get out of myself.... and that can be such a relief.

Sometimes when I'm in my car, especially for longer rides, I like to say the Seventh Step prayer. I love saying it over and over and over. The most amazing thing happened once, I was taking a road trip and just after I had said the prayer multiple times, my exAH phoned me. During the conversation, I ended up making an (unscheduled) amends to him. I just couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth! Although I was very sincere, it was not really ME, the words were so beautiful and eloquent. I know that had I scheduled these amends myself (some day far-off in the distant future, haha) my ego would've been over-involved! But it seemed like God had just handed me the perfect opportunity and I seemed to be in a state of grace for it.  The event has had a profound effect on both of us. So, I love the seventh step prayer.

I am sooo grateful for the steps. Like Kitty, I just didn't want to be here before I crawled in the doors of al-anon, I was very confused and separated from my HP. I had tried 5 years of personal counseling and energy work, always bought the latest and greatest from the self-help section of the bookstore, and I leaned heavily on others to comfort me in every little crisis. I felt like I had been passed over when they were handing out the manual on how to live. Today, the steps give me the guidance I need. Like you, Jerry, I've not found a better solution.

I didn't embrace the steps immediately though, I remember telling my first sponsor that I was unimpressed and I needed "more meat to chew on." LOL 

Eventually, I was like maresie, I was in so much pain, I had to practice something different. My character defects had to be addressed.

Anyway, the other day, I was reading from one of my meditation books, it was about the 12 "suggested" steps to save our life... no different than, if you were to jump out of an airplane, it is "suggested" that you pull the ripcord to your parachute to save your life. It occurred to me, the steps literally did save my life.

And, I wanted to hear how it works for the MIP family. Thanks everyone



-- Edited by glad lee on Friday 3rd of December 2010 07:09:17 PM

-- Edited by glad lee on Friday 3rd of December 2010 07:16:25 PM