Mine was ermmmmmmmm cor blimey I have tons now, but I love having a plan A B and some times even C, basically hubby would always cry off stuff at the last minute or ruin everything by showing off , so we wouldn't go, or if I was going out by myself he would try to guilt trip me, for years I just surrendered and never went out and he always controlled me, now he always get's invited but I have no expectations of him coming, if he does great, if not, no problem,  I go anyway, now he comes most all the time, win win win!

When I first came to Al-Anon, although I was pretty broken emotionally, I was also pretty full of myself, figured I knew how to solve everyone else's problems, etc (some would say things haven't changed all that much, lol).  I remember being at a meeting one night, kind of scanning the room - making judgements about the people and/or their problems - kind of secretly "solving" their respective problems in my head, as they shared.....

My sponsor had been working on me re: this wanting to control everything, and told me that the way I acted in these meetings was yet another example of both arrogance AND control issues for me.... He reminded me that if I kept an open mind to it, I can learn something from each and every person at the meetings.....

Well, as luck (fate?) would have it, there was this one couple there, whom I didn't have much fondness for....  The wife was an active alcoholic, but also attending Al-Anon for family reasons... The husband was a guy I just couldn't see eye-to-eye with, and it seemed like we had very little in common. 

When it came to his turn to share, the chairman actually mentioned that he looked far calmer than previous weeks, and was wondering why..... Without a hint of self congratulation or arrogance, he simply responded:  "I decided that there has to be two to have a fight, and I have chosen not to be a participant in it".....

Simple words, yes......  it was a powerful reminder to me that I really do NOT know it all (far from it), and can continue to learn daily in this program, from each and every one of you, as long as I keep my mind open to that fact....

Tom

LOL...I am chuckling and staying in my chair...because I just finished responding
to a PM about working the program including 12 stepping.  When I first got here
the membership was willing to give me everything they had for free and then told
me to pass it on.  As I grew they congradulated me and told me pass it on.  They
were "walking the talk" because that is what they were doing for me passing it on.
I met by accident a fellow program member the other day and we just talked about
how things were going on with him and he just passed it on; his recovery...amending
his life.  HP knew I needed the teacher even though I didn't feel like a student and
yesterday I needed the lesson so that I could follow thru on it this morning.  I
followed thru on it and the outcome was acceptable without all of my egotistical and
self centered drama and fluff even while I was giving it away to another member who
reached out and asked "can you help me with something".   Just a whole bunch of
"passing it on and giving it away".  I did that in this mornings meeting on the 10th
step with the awareness that the passing it on is our 12th step.   Like my sponsor
told me years ago...You will never know if this program works until you pass on what
has worked for you and watch it work in another members life."   That isn't a small
victory but a major triumph in my life.  It is others who love me unconditionally and
pause to share their ESH that mends me...mind, body, spirit and emotions. 

The "thank you's" are optional because I've learned to give without asking "what's
in it for me" or some of the conditional stuff.   The "thank you's are things for
smiles and gladness and the real recovery realization comes from a HP promise;
"What goes around will come around".    This has got to be what magic is all about.

(((((Mahalo))))))

I found myself acceptable to myself and that began my metamorphous.

I found that I could believe in me and once I believed in me I could begin to do things in a new found strength that enabled me to achieve my daily goals.

Others may have had belief in me but that was not enough I needed to believe in me and this was the first change that I had to make in me.

It was after that that other simple changes came about; like knowing that I had changed my response to something that would have floored me such a short time before.

These were the small victories that proved, in the end, to be the BIGGEST victories over my old self.

Early on I learned to have a plan B.  That, and knowing that if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.

After asking every year that my A be sober on our anniversary, and every year he would promise to be and never was....On the last active alcoholic anniversary (he is sober now) I had a plan with little expectation of him being sober.  I told him I simply didn't want to be with him if he was drunk.

He came home sober to my surprise but before we left for dinner he must've went to the garage and downed some vodka.  It didn't start to show until about 10 min. after we left.  I made sure I was driving (part of the plan B) and when he started to slur his words I turned the car around and went home.
Sitting in the driveway, I asked him to get out of the car.  He just sat there telling me I was being ridiculous and he's fine blah blah.  I didn't argue.  I got out of my car and got in to his car and left him sitting in my car.  Having the keys to his car was also in the Plan B.

I then called my Alanon friend who was on standby, picked her up and went and had a great steak dinner.

I have to laugh when I think of the look on A's face as I backed out of the driveway in his car and he was still sitting in mine wondering what just happened.

Christy

I came here an absolute broken, dismantled shell of a person who saw no hope for myself what so ever. But I had nothing else to lose by the time I hit the doors of alanon. My son is an addict ( my little beautiful boy killing himself everyday). I was diagosed with PTSD from a series of events that had happened a couple years before i got here. I was depressed beyond belief and had severe chronic anxiety attacks that would not allow me to leave my own home ( literally ) not even to the mailbox. Hadnt left my house in over a year. lost my dream job I worked so hard to get. We were ruined financally well you get the picture
I found alanon thought I would give it a try cause I thought it was a program to fix my son almost left when I found out this program was for ME.
God knows I needed it but couldn't see it at the time, so I kinda worked it half heartedly almost wanting it to fail me. But dang if these great people of alanon refused to fail me.
They comforted me, understood me, showed me options i never would have dreamed up on my own and little by little working the program and with the help of the fellowship I rejoined the human race. And here I thought I was hopeless.
Is my son still an addict? yeah He has been in jail rehab almost a year now and just last week got moved to the work/release unit of the jail so he can go out everyday and look for work. And a whole week now he has been out and about and not gotten high. That sounds like a little victory but for my son it is a huge victory. And I rejoiced with him on the phone last night. I am sure you are thinking well of course he won't get high cause he has to back to jail each night and they will catch him. But thats not how my sons mind works he will always think he can beat the system just once. The fact he hasn't tried yet is a miracle in my life.
My life today is a miracle from where it was 2 years ago. My husband is happy to have his wife back...my friends are happy to see me, the list goes on.
This program has done for me what no medication or therapy could ( not that I am against any of that).
Your miracle is out there just waiting for you to grab it.........DO IT !
Blessings