The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am working really hard, and have come to step 4 but haven't tackled it yet, or embraced it or whatever you want to say. The thing is, the person I do photography with, the person I invited to work with me in my business is causing me to relapse a bit. I asked her to work with me. Then I allowed her to take over everything, all the decisions, the timing of opening of galleries, the contract writing, the burning of photos onto CD's, the idea to open a business savings account, where we now have to pay taxes. So much crap that I never wanted. That is one of my personality defects, that those with a more powerful personality can coerce me to their way of thinking because I don't want to hurt their feelings. Meanwhile, I am being hurt....
Anyway, I am working with my sponsor on the wording for saying I want to end the business with her. I know that I have to say what I mean, mean what I say and not say it mean. That is the part I am working on :) But also I am now owning the fact that I contributed to all of this by doing nothing to stop her. And owning the fact that I want out.
Alanon can be applied to all our affairs. I know I still only see in black and white, but I am working on seeing the gray area of how to say this without hurting her feelings, but still saying it and sticking to my guns about it. I am also starting to accept myself and give this situation over to HP. I ask HP to speak through me in this and help me come through the other side. I cannot work with her anymore, and she was a great friend before, but through alanon I have seen that our relationship was one of her controlling me and me playing the victim. No more. I think it will be a total relief for me to do my own photography business with no one else but me :) Thanks for reading! It does work if you work it!!
-- Edited by sunflowergirl on Thursday 4th of November 2010 10:49:28 AM
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
Love your awareness and growth.......Ive found the freedom & dignity that comes from saying what we mean, meaning what we say and and not saying it mean is a very empowering thing .
I allowed many a person to trash my boundaries. Now that is not something I tolerate. I couldn't change that until I was made aware what I did to allow that to happen.
I avoid stress now in ways I never did before. When I am faced with stressful situations I set limits, boundaries and do self care. I was not able to do that before so I didn't do well.
I'm so proud of you for keeping at this. I am also so glad you have a sponsor who works with you.
Self-awareness is the key to most of our problems. If we know ourselves and can accept the whole of us, yes even the faults, we can begin to change things in ourselves for the better.
Just days ago you were less sure, now you are working through this with a clarity and acceptance that makes it possible to go forward and not backward.
This shows your recovery and renewal and that working the programme changes self. Don't forget to keep on saying that prayer:
God grant me the Serenity To accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, and The wisdom to know the difference.
It is in knowing these things for sure that we tread a fine line to success and come out on top as winners.
YOU are a winner in the making. I applaud you. WELL DONE. Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
You have come such a long way!!! Your self awareness alone so quickly is really awesome. I have found the say what you mean, mean what to say but don't say it mean is a beautiful way to live. But reality is you can say things in the nicest way and someones feelings may get hurt. That's just life. What you say is not nessesarily what other people hear or interpret. So as long as you have held up your end about saying what you mean....you do not have to own the others persons feelings or the way they respond. Thier feelings are thiers to own, you will know in your heart you did it the best way possible. You sound like you are a really nice person to begin with and wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings with or without this program. I would suggest you treat yourself in the same respectful, loving manner in which you treat others. Blessings
