The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I went away I had to go because I found that I was not fully concentrating on the issues that I needed to sort out for myself, in myself.
I was loathe to do that at first for it meant that I had to leave my amazing Sponsor behind too, as well as this family. This is what it meant to me. I had to believe in me and I had to do that by myself. It was not enough that others believed in me. I had to believe in me.
So, cautiously I stepped out of the family room and stepped into MY "backyard" - as you say over the pond.
It is no good weeding everyone elses patch if one does not weed their own.
Well, for me it took a HUGE effort to find the real me, yep, it took a climb to the Summit of Ben Nevis is Scotland to eventurally find me. At the top I came to realise that by focusing on the job in hand I had achieved success. That success had taken months of training, months of agonising and months of arguing inside my head against that After years of being on crutches and enduring surgery that took away my mobility, I had finally come to that point in the road when walking was just NOT enough, I had to achieve what seemed like the impossible., even when other kept saying =
"you cannot do this, it is too big, you are weak, you are not worthy of even thinking that you might achieve such a goal."
and me saying to myself inside my stubborn head =
"Who do you think you are, who do you think you are kidding, who are you to expect support, love, caring from others to achieve this."
"What this is so selfish!"
"Huh, so it comes to this, self self self!!!"
Well folks, I can honestly say that at some stage of your recovery it has to be ALL ABOUT SELF SELF SELF...and I had to climb 4406ft up a mountian to find that one out and finally achieve my goal.
I MATTER. I AM WORTHY. I AM AN ACHIEVER. I AM NOT WEAK. I HAVE DREAMS THAT ARE WORTHY TO BE FULFILLED, no matter how long it takes, how painful the journey is, how many steps it takes.
Once I believed in me I got it.
Years of destruction from a sick person had undermined my confidence, my self worth, my ambition, my love. Now I know who I am, what I can do, and I LOVE myself enough to truly love others unconditionally and share and care and WIN this battle to wholesome mental health, even though my physical health is somewhat lacking.
I am a winner and you can be too. Keep on taking each step as it comes, and believe believe believe in your our ability to succeed. After all it is "ALL IN THE STATE OF THE MIND." If you think you cannot you will not, if you think you can you will.
Love
Suzannah
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Suzannah I love the title of your post and so relate to it as I too have taken time out recently.
We lose ourselves in this disease and it takes a lot of strength and courage to turn the focus completely on ourselves when we are so depleted, but it is necessary. It has to be self self self.
I am a different person re-emerging from the insanity and feel empowered by this gentle and wise programme.
Proud of your recovery girl.......onwards and upwards .......(Everest next is it)??!!
What a fantastic post. I value myself more now than I ever have no matter how much I was earning or what posh district I was living in. I'm so glad to be at that place.
Suzannah, this is whey beyond BRILLIANT, I would never dare put myself first, I had no clue how to, and now that I can and do, the world is my oyster, and I can so relate to your journey and the song that spring's to my mind here is?
Climb every mountain, search high and low, follow every byway, every path you know,
Climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow untill you find your dream, a dream that will need all the love you can give everyday of your life for as long as you live!
