The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Was walking the dog, everything was ok and the mind started thinking all the negative thoughts again (I'm not good at enough at________, I'll never get out from under debt, my house looks like crap etc.).....hopefully someday this won't happen. I'm fighting it best I can, I'm going to try to exercise instead of wallowing in self pity. I really do need to have some joy and something to look forward to in my life. The drudgery gets to me after a while, even when things aren't problematic.
Ok, lifted weights and it took my mind off the negative stuff. It will come back again I'm sure (problem is I believe a lot of it). I have to keep reminding myself that I can't wait to have things the way I want in order to be happy. Or else I'll be waiting a really long time. I have to try to be happy now, while I'm waiting or trying to make changes. Hard for me. I'm grasping at straws trying to find things that make me happy. Cooking does, playing guitar (when I'm playing fairly well)...and I can't think of much else. Spending time with daughter is nice, and dog too. Man I need some hobby or some passion in life. My job is blah....I don't mind it but I'd give it up in a heartbeat if I didn't need it, or something better came along.
Thanks for sharing so much. I can soooo relate to what you are going through. I went through the same kind of stuff.
I made some major life changes and had many negative thoughts as well. I still do. I don't know why, but I feel like now, that everything will be ok. Everything will work the way it should. I will tend to my responsibilities. The rest will fall into place. Even if I struggle, I know I can make it. I am dealing with more "junk" right now, but I know everything will unfold as it should. I am not afraid anymore. I guess that is what changed.
It sounds like you are really ready to try. I'm glad you are feeling this way. It's nice that you are doing healthy things for yourself.
I don't know what kind of change is in store for you, but I do wish you great happiness and peace. I just know it will come. We just never know when. Hang in there!
I was the most negative and unhappy person I knew. I think when we try to do something, it is built in with a 'yeah but I cant' bc try is not as strong or assertive as -just do. First off all, we have to accept us where we are and we need to accept powerlessness over every other thing in the whole world - except me. Even though I felt totally out of control and knew I did not know how to focus on -just me- I had to embrace the fact that - I can control me (even if I didnt believe it yet) other members kept telling me this is the truth. First we get our minds around it, give yourself permsision to make mistakes and not do every single thing perfectly, so that you can learn something new now. If we have to be perfect and do it "correctly" we rarely end up doing anything at all out of fear of not being perfect.
So when the negative dialogue comes up in your head, catch it and when you do, tell yourself, "no, u dont deserve that" apologize to yourself, forgive you for having this expectaion of what you are supposed to be right now - and work to let go of all of your expectations. They always end up hurting us, without fail our own expectations hurt us every time. See having these expectations is a way for us to tap into the future and put demands and stipulations on us -- we say oh I failed bc it was not perfect, so I must be doomed to failure -- thats not true.
Once we have permission to make mistakes and begin to lighten up, it is ok to not know every thing, in fact - none of us do. It is unfair of us to say to us - if u are not like this - u are not good enough. This is not true, we are good enough the way we are - right now. Work to identify and seperate out what you took on as a younger person - from your parents and care givers. I know I had unresponalbe expectations of perfection set on me from the family. I let that go, so I could make mistakes, so I could learn something new, so I could do anything at all - other than what I thought was expected of me.
So as u catch ur negativity, re word it for yourself, and practise transofrming the negatvitiy into something constructive and positive, enourage you, instaed of kicking you and beating you up about how perfect you aren't.
What we focus on, grows. Focus on what will allow you to feel better, not what makes u feel worse about yourself or your situation.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I have negative thought tapes that used to play in endless loops in my mind, and they really blocked my attempts to refocus my thinking on something positive because it seemed like they were always running in the background.
Somebody suggested I look into some of the thought-stopping techniques in NLP (neuro-linguistic programming). One of the simplest ones is to say to yourself "Stop! Erase!" -- aloud if necessary.
Like so many on here have said, when you take the thought away you do have to replace it with something else, or the negative thoughts just return to fill the void. That's where I found the slogans worked so much more effectively at stopping the tape. They switch my head onto a more positive path, and the negative stuff just dissipates.
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
I hear you on this one. I think our posts are similar, and my thought processes can totally weigh me down. I am trying to remember to breathe and be in this moment... take care of you!
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
It has been my experience that any time i tried something like exercise, I would beat myself up with negative thoughts. I started out walking and used an mp3 player to drown out some of the noise. I walked to the beat of the music to try to stomp out the negative voices. I believe that our sickness rears its ugly head when we try to do something good for ourselves like exercising.
It has also been my experience that whenever I started to try to live again, I would analyze ever single move I would make. You hear in meetings the phrase ANALYSIS PARALYSIS. Its true. I believe the our sickness uses constant analysis to disrupt us from trying anything new. My experience with constant analysis was broken one day when I stopped thinking and just physically did something. I think walking with music has helped me tremendously.
It sounds like you could be at the end of it all. I know for me I was utterly so sick and tired of analyzing everything and so sick and tired of negativity in my head that I was willing to do whatever it took to make it go away for good. I still have negative and analyzing thoughts, but now I'm able to recognize them for what they are and replace them with thoughts of what I want to achieve, not what I don't want to achieve (someone from this MIP board told me that).
Its hard when your brain just automatically goes from negative, guilt, analysis. But someone asked me on this board, Is that the only feeling you CHOOSE to have? You see, I did not realize that I had a choice in the matter. I felt like my brain was unchangable and messed up in default thinking (negative, analyze, guilt). By reading the literature, getting a sponsor, going to meetings, and participating on this board, I have slowly begun to live and those thoughts are not constantly tormenting me throughout the day. Most of the time they mess with me when I am Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. and also when I am seeking for approval from people.
Almost all of what I needed to correct that condition in myself came from inside the meeting rooms because there were always 10 to 30 members with great feedback and experience willing to give it to me for nothing. After I got it came the practice and after the practice, practice, practice the condition was gone. If I don't practice that alot of weight comes back and I life it a long time until I'm willing to drop it and practice the stuff that works. Keep coming back.
