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I had such an interesting experience at the face to face Al Anon meeting I attended last night.
First, I'm still a beginner so I attended the beginner's meeting, which is a short meeting before the main meeting. Last night was my 4th meeting so I don't really feel like a beginner anymore but I still find it helpful to go. It's a great refresher for the basic concepts. One woman attending for the first time shared about her husband's drinking problems. She was clearly at the end of her rope and needed help. She asked towards the end of the beginner's meeting if anyone had any success stories. She meant had anyone's spouse stopped drinking as a result of Al Anon...I instantly thought "that's not why you are here! You are here for you!". I didn't say that but someone else did, and it was great to hear...Like I said, just a great reminder of what this program is.
Anyway, the main meeting was on step 11--"sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out". For some reason, I just got turned off at this point...I felt very uncomfortable and embarrassed, I didn't want to share anything, I just didn't want to be there. I nearly left. Some people started sharing on the topic and I just looked at the ground and made sure I didn't make eye contact with anyone. I thought about leaving. I don't know why, but I just didn't feel comfortable at all. The topic was obviously relevant to me and to all of us but it just seemed so distant and so hard to apply to my situation. My connection with my HP is not very strong but I'm trying to develop it, after many years of ignoring it. So I knew it was important for me to listen but I just couldn't connect with what anyone was saying.
Ultimately someone who I have always related well to in the meetings shared. He said "the most important word in this step is ONLY"...praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out...I have never known what to pray for...I know that praying for "things" is a waste of time--"God, let me win the lottery this week"! So I never knew what to pray for...I would pray that he kept my kids safe and that he helped my wife find happiness and that he helped me be the best person I could be...but I felt like I was missing something...and it all clicked last night...thanks to this step...what greater gift can we receive than a knowledge and understanding of God's will for us? And the power to carry that out?
This is such an amazing program...life changing...if you are new like me, really make an effort to get to a face to face meeting...it's awkward and uncomfortable but don't let that stop you...
Wow what a powerful share Thank you. I loved how you described your feelings and that stayed in spite of your desire to leave. , You received a gift of the program for your efforts
I too found that part of the step the key to my prayer life.
Asking for HP's will could be frightening but when I also asked for the Power to Carry it out, I felt assured that what ever I am given to do HP will be walking with me side by side.
Great Post. I am in the program 2 years now and still consider myself a newbie lol But in the beginning I heard a lot of things, i didn't want to hear and things that made me uncomfortable. But they were things I needed to hear, pay attention to and act on. You caught on a lot quicker than me lol... good for you Blessings
One other thing I wanted to add...this is probably not anything new to some who have been around a while. But a woman shared about a meditation she does to be closer to God/Higher power. Thought it was really awesome. She repeats the following slowly while meditating:
Be still and know that I am here Be still and know that I am Be still and know Be still Be
-- Edited by usedtobeanyer on Wednesday 3rd of November 2010 02:32:47 PM
I know I used to squirm a bit when the subject of the Higher Power came up - especially when I heard that word "God". While I have my own unique understanding of God, it's not in the mainstream and I'd cringe expecting to hear people tell me how Jesus or Allah or Buddha or Jehova or some specific saint rescued them and about the specific path they had to take. I really was just fearful of having a specific religious belief/following imposed upon me.
That never happened. I hear the word "God" and that's all they say... or simply "my Higher Power". And they describe their relationship with their Higher Power and how their HP works in their lives. No one comes up and grabs my shoulders and tells me "you can find your salvation in such-and-so-Saint!"
Thank GOD! :)
My favorite meeting of late is our Wednesday night "As We Understood" meditation meeting. All we do is read from the daily reader "As We Understood", which has a specific focus on step 11 and our relationship with our HP. It's so liberating to hear people speak of their experiences with their HP with no expectations that everyone else "get it" and "join" them.
Thanks for sharing that lovely meditation mantra, too. I may give that a try some time!
This rang abell for me ,when I first came to program I re wrote the steps by removing any reference to God ,didnt like the word spiritual either all sounded way too religious to me ,i did leave meetings where I felt there was way too much focus on the God stuff . It took a long time to become comfortable with the spiritual side of this program . Eventually like alot of us there came a time as alcoholism progressed in our home that I had nothing to loose by applying the concept of a higher power to my problems. working my way seriously thru the 12 steps with my sponsor every time we came to step 3 I would leave her home I could not accept what was asked of me .. finally she asked me to have the fear removed and I thought what ???? so I did that still not understanding what she meant I just talked out loud to air asking that fear be removed from my life ,my next attempt at step 3 everything became perfectly clear to me I was afraid of letting go of the control I THOUGHT I had and worried about if I do this what is this God going to want me to do in return ? I pictured myself being asked to stand on a corner handing out pamphlets . sheeesh I have no idea what happend to me when I truly accepted step 3 - I only know that my life has never been the same since. I am so grateful to the program that with or with out a HP in my life I can still come to meetings if anyone told me I had to get this concept of prog by fri I would have left . Today I have a God that I still dont understand but clearly understands me ,I don't always get what I want but I always get what I need ,and sometimes the answer to a prayer is NO . which usually reaveals a much better solution down the road . Step 3 to me is like jumping off a cliff ,you know your gonna land somewhere but u dont know when or what shape u will be in when u do , with my HP help more often than not I land on my feet with dignity in tact. I believe that God just wants me to be happy , and free and today we work together to make me into the person I want to be. The line that gave me the freedom to believe my own way was BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM HERE... I knew I could do that .. I start my day with good morning God what are WE doing to day ? reminds me that I am willing to be guided I have to keep this part of recovery simple for me or I get bogged down in trying to define something I truly dont understand myself . Louise
