The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's been a very long time since I have been on this website. I went to my first face to face meeting this morning, so I have been thinking a lot about this program. I actually told my boss and coworkers that I had a doctor appointment, but went to an Alanon meeting.
My story is that my husband is a type 1 diabetic and an alcoholic. We have a son who is 8. My AH was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes 5 years ago. In my mind, he still has not come to terms with it. He still thinks that he can drink as much as he did before being diagnosed, but he is only worse. About a month ago, I was out of town for my job when on the 2nd night of my trip (8:00 p.m.) I was called by a neighbor stating that she had my son. My AH had been drinking all day and had not eaten anything and had past out. My son was scared that he could not wake him up and ran to the neighbors house, which is the safety plan when I am not there. The husband of my neighbor went to my house to check on my AH. He litterally though my AH was dead. His eyes were open but rolled back in his head and his mouth was open with his tongue hanging out and his breathing was not stable. They called 911. They were able to revive him out of his diabetic coma and he is lucky to be alive.
Because I was not there (but I did come home that evening due to the circumstances), my neighbor called our local sheriff's department because she was afraid at some point my AH would wake up and with him not being of sound mind, would think that she kidnapped my son.
Because of this incident, our local child protection services is involved and I have insisted that he attend outpatient rehab, which he is. He will have child neglect on his record. He was sober for about 2 months and now has begun to drink again. Everything has been going so well and the last 2 days have been hell. He is back to being verbally abusive and blames me for everything that has happened. It's my fault that I wasn't home, it's my fault that child services is involved in our life, it's my fault that I gave my neighbor permission to call an ambulance that night. The list goes on and on.
I'm beginning to let him get in my head and that is why I went to the meeting this morning. I really took to heart what some of the folks said. It was strange being the youngest one there, but this seemed like a really good group.
Tomorrow, we meet with a couple of people from the child protection services and my AH is going to be blown away with the conditions and circumstances that I have come up with for him to become sober. I guess I will find out whether he choses alcohol or his family (which he has chose the beer the last 2 days).
I have gone crazy many atime when my ABF has chosen to drink when the consequences were so high. I felt so unloved and could not understand how he could choose drink over the kids, me , his mum a good job, etc etc. He is in rehab now his own choice. I slowly realised that he needed to make his own choices and to feel the pain of making that choice when his kids turned their back after he chose drink again I gave up with love and his mum stopped rescuing he went to rehab. If your husnabd chooses the drink that is his choice what are you going to do. I know how much my partner loves me his kids and he is trying really hard to make amends, your husband disease is on the attack again that is his battle when my partners disease attacks today I hand him over to hp and work my programm hard meetings, phone calls , here, books and pray for Hp guidance. Take care of you
I want to tell you this. His being an addict is a disease. He cannot choose not to drink or not for you or the kids.
The only way an addict can get into recovery is on their own for themselves, they have to hit a certain point in their life where THEY are ready.
It is not because of your situation or any situation.
Now for some, to give them the boundary, you stop drinking, or you cannot live with the kids and me, they feel strong enough in their own desire to stop and get help, it may happen. But that means detox, rehab, AA, being on a program of recovery.
I don't want to think about you gritting your teeth wondering what he will choose. It is not the point.
He can want to be sober, want to not crave to use, want to be able to be what they think is normal, but it is not that simple.
It cannot be turned on and off. Plus it is NOT personal. They don't choose to use over us, or not use over us, they are an addict they have a disease that takes so much choice away.
Anyway going to Al Anon is so great to hear! Good for you.
Aloha Helpme...you're back in family and not alone and Tracy's experience, for me has been the only one that worked as taught and suggested in Al-Anon. I'm in support and glad you got to the face to face rooms of Al-Anon. Keep an open mind cause there is soooo much to learn and learn how to do. Telling your boss and work that you had a doctors appointment isn't that far from being truthful. By the way I did that a time or two to protect my alcoholic's and my own anonymity. After awhile we learn better ways of handling the consequences of the disease. The blame game is normal. I don't know very many alcoholics who like to face themselves off with the responsibility of their own drinking and the disease needs to have a target for the fear. You already know you don't have to "accept" blame and that the truth is you are not to blame at all. An alcoholic who will drink in the face of diabetes is in the middle of insanity and considered an end stage drinker or close to death...That he was revived gives him another chance to change or live in the addiction. I pray for all alcoholics in this condition...Nasty!! The process is horrible to them and everyone involved. Good for you working with CPS, they can be a tool and how great also that you can still flex a bit of muscle...keep the boundaries enforceable. ((((hugs))))
