The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I realized something earlier today--in spite of everything that is going on, in spite of my wife's continued drinking and depression, in spite of everything seemingly on the verge of falling apart and her potentially having a breakdown, in spite of us having to consider her going to rehab...in spite of all of that, I am really feeling great the last week or two! I don't know if this is a result of Al Anon and me just not letting myself get pulled into her sickness or what. But I just feel really good. I'm enjoying the things I enjoy so much more than I had been--music, books, sports...I adore my kids more every second of the day and have so much fun playing with them.
Is this a common phenomenon? Anyone else go through this when they first got started?
Oh yes, I have great days like this too :) Good days are starting to out weigh the bad.... Today I am not so good, but working on changing my attitude. I never used to see it before and so it would fester for days of badness. Now I am able to see it, figure it out and get it gone in a day :) Great share!
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
I found when I started to really practice gratitude in my life and recognize all the the good things that were happening around, to, and for me that my joy could be amplified, despite the craziness going on with my exAH. It's certainly nice. :)
Aloha Yankees...you've been coming back and coming to understand and working the suggestions from here and Al-Anon and then?
"Is this a common phenomenon? Anyone else go through this when they first got started?"
This is the common phenomenon...miracle we call it...the consequences of changing the things you can. You've said the prayers and done the work (not sat on your hands) and now you get the reward many of us have gotten which caused us to see more and find more.
Definitely can relate... When I first discovered that I wasn't all alone in this, and that there were people who not only understood, but were actually experiencing the very same situations - it was almost a euphoric feeling.... I still chuckle at when I first opened the 'Getting Them Sober' book (about 10 years ago).... I was sure that NOBODY could possibly understand the chaos and insanity that was going on inside my home, but there was my life story, splattered all over chapters 1, 2, 3 etc...
You're feeling great cuz you are doing the work.... on you!!! Good stuff...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
We are all told that it won't happen overnight, but it will happen. What you are experiencing are the fruits of your labors. It's not empty words when we are told "It Works If You Work It". Our situations are very simular and I offer you my ES&H..........Keep working your program, don't react, turn your wife over to your HP 100%, then get out of HP's way, it's what worked for me.
Nothing has changed............but me.
I'm glad you are experiencing the same feelings. Life is full of choices. We can worry, fret, hold resentments, feel sorry for ourselves, or use the program to take care of ourselves first. It's our choice.
You don't know if its Al-Anon ?? yikes I remember a few of your first posts and yes i think you could find a few of us who have been where your at . keep going to meetings take care of you and enjoy your babbies .
Oh my did I ever, when I first got my hands on courage to change I thought it was written just for me, I could see myself in every page, I went from feeling like a misplaced person to someone who feels very privilidged to be part of something very special, I love that what was once a huge burden to me I am able with the help of alanon to use as my biggest asset, they say don't they? what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, so very glad your a miracle in progress too.
I go through highs and lows..still have a long road ahead.. Yesterday and today have not been good days for me. But to keep my sanity, attended an Alanon meeting today. Got a few things out of my chest, heard other peoples encouraging stories and coping options..shared a few laughs, tears. The members force me to remember things I often forget on my times of rage,uncertainty or dispair. Someone told me today that people usually needs to be loved the most when they deserve it the least, and that my AH is sick and although I don't have to own his illness he does need love not punishment. Then someone said " an alcoholic can't get up if you are on his back". Then someone mentioned the 3 G's : Get off his/her back, Get out of the way, Get a life.
Get a life means take time to do things you enjoy whether that person it's involved or not, cant depend on them for happiness. Worry about yourself, don't let her illness dictate how your day will go, little by little things fall into place. I'm frustrated myself while I write this, all of the above is sooo difficult to acomplish. We had plans to go to a costume party this weekend but my AH is somewhere on a binge..therefore tomorrow I'll go to a costume party by myself. Sad, but I accept the challenge. And we have to accept that when we choose to live with an AH or AW, we will never be number 1 for them, that spot is taken... (hope I dont sound negative!!,,she needs to do her part, i've heard great success stories of couples staying together when both attend their meetings..so.. hang in there..!)
