Fallen off the cusp today... - Al-Anon Family Group

sunflowergirl · ~*Service Worker*~

Fallen off the cusp today...

mjhyankees · Senior Member

Wow, I felt like I was reading one my own posts. I'm sorry to feel that you feel like this but, I totally ID with it. Here are some things I've learned about this along the way so far. I'll add that this knowledge hasn't "fixed anything" yet but it's helped at times:
1. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that makes me prone to depression. It's not my fault that I fall "into the hole" from time to time.
2. I can either live like that or change the things I can. Meds, therapy, meetings, reading the literature etc.
3. Take care of myself physically. Eat right, get enough sleep, exercise in some form every day. It doesn't have to be intense, just enough for me to "warm Up" literally.
4. Do things that make me happy. There was a time when i couldn't think of anything that did. But thinking about what I've done in the past that I'd spend time at and not notice how much time I was spending helped me think of some things. (or the next time you feel happy, look at what you are doing at that moment, or just did.

Hope it helps.

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

I disovered this quote the other day..

"Everything will change when your desire to move on exceeds your desire to hold on."

Tattyhead · Senior Member

(((sunflowergirl))) I'm sorry you are feeling so low today but you felt OK yesterday and you might feel OK tomorrow. We all have low times - I certainly know that! Just treat yourself gently and allow for the fact that some days are worse than others - and some days are good. You have a lot of stuff to contend with; stuff which would make most of us want to give up, hide away and give up trying. You are doing well, you really are. Keep going and keep coming back here. There is awesome support on this board

kath · Senior Member

Please read getting ready for the day by suzannah posted monday morning. it is great.

I bet you are right in saying these are growing pains.

I believe I am resiliant, with the help of my HP, and I believe you are too.

I have by default gone to depression, guilt, fear.

Those are not the only feelings I can choose today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can replace those feelings with healthier feelings that bring life, not destruction to me.

I can replace them because of this program and my HP, and I know you can too!!

lyndebi · ~*Service Worker*~

It is growing. We grow when we are uncomfortable, or when things are tough.

There is so much going on inside us, sometimes something triggers it and it comes out. Is a good thing.

I know it is frustrating!Sun I have actually felt good for a few days! Got more flooring down, been painting inside the house, a constant when you have dogs with big fluffy tails and live in the country....

But was up and down all night gut sick. rrrrrr I eat so simple but made a good almond milk custard pie. BUT I think I goofed and the pie crust had butter in it. rrrrr well my pot pigs will be happy as I will go out with a spoon and feed it to them!

"when ya don't feel normal, do something normal" goes thru my mind so I get lost in sweeping and mopping, filled bird feeders and put peanuts out for these big blue jays.

I do my best to do what makes me feel good, flannel jamie bottoms, pink long sleeved shirt and my warm hooded sweatshirt. big bare trap slippers..mmmmm

sun I am learning to think of a good memory when I get that grieving/depression feeling. Mother bending over gardening in pedal pushers, scarf on her head and me thinking I was too cool to EVER look like that.. now I am just like her.

Or Ed my first AH, smiling and laughing, singing 'hey good looking, whatcha got cooking, hows about cooking something up with me?" He was a joy.

anyway when I had my ex ah I used to grab his hand pull him onto the bed just to hold me, not say anything. now I will with a dog. (o: or my housepig celie.

Our bodies are not perfect either, we never know when something inside may be a bit off.

All I know is I am glad you are here and relate to you a lot for when I was much younger. It will be ok, we are all on a path of maturity, is not always easy.

hugs, debilyn cuddling with warm clean doggies today.

sunflowergirl · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you so much everyone! How warm and hugged I feel :) MJ: I like that, remembering to see when I am happy and what I am doing ... good thinking! Christy: That is so true, I think that is what I was getting at, that at least now I see it happening and I am better able to come out of it... its a choice for sure. Tattyhead: Thanks, I am going to keep coming back for sure! Kath: You are right, I don't have to be depressed, I am choosing not to be... THanks! I felt so much better just writing it and getting it out! I also went out in the sun for 15 minutes on my break and that made me feel stronger. I know that today is not perfect, but at least I am progressing... thanks all!

sunflowergirl · ~*Service Worker*~

Debilyn, thanks so much! I am going to go home and get my bf to give me a big hug (he is really good at that). and Cuddle with my kitties... I have two :) Yes, I can identify with a lot you say too :) Thanks!!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((Sunflower)))))) smile

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Moving through the pain takes a lot of work. There isn't a shortcut to working through childhood abuse issues. Some of it is in the pits stuff. I don't think that kind of work can be glossed over. I know I had to plough through all that to get to the other side.

Maresie.

Suzannah · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Sunflower,

So you had a bad day, but look how you tackled it...you did NOT retreat from it, you went forward and you finished the day and from what you wrote you ended it higher than you started.

You know, you are strong. You know, you have a lot to think about.

I soooooo identify with the things you wrote about...the children, the money, the how am I going to pay the bills, and feed us, and pay for my fares and shop and a million trillion other things nagging at me when my mood is low and my finances are not good and my resources seem to be stretched to the limit and back again. (Phew, take a deep breath).

THEN just when I felt that was all these other niggles reared their ugly heads, you know the ones, the abuse, the pain of being misunderstood, the loneliness - the where are my friends - have I really got any friends, the I am a mess, I am fed up of being the carer, whose going to look after me and on and on and on and on.

THEY seem to think that whilst I am feeling low it is fine to jump up and pull me down too.

And I used to shout at them and say: "Hey you lot, get off my back. I can only deal with you ONE AT A TIME!" (It's a good job no-one else could hear me shouting at myself in my head. And answering myself back too at times. But don't tell anyone else that or they will be sending the little white van for me. lol)

"WHOA>>>>ONE AT A TIME...and I will go back to JUST FOR THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES I will breathe! Thank you very much all you cares and woes."

Then, JUST FOR THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES I would s l o w l y say the Serenity Prayer and I would gain control again in my head...and THEN I would PRIORITISE what needed addressing immediately and what needed putting on the back burning. WHEN I had got myself calm and I had managed to grab hold of my depression and sadness and emptiness and aching heart THEN I would take the next step forward...and I WOULD NOT BEAT MYSELF UP if it took me a little time because I KNEW I WOULD get myself together having given myself a breathing space and I would cope.

COPE for me meant/and still means - "I will C(learly)O(ptimise)P(ersonal)E(ndeavour), for that is all I can do."

That meant I was kind to myself and I took just one small step at a time and I didn't try to solve ALL my problems in one fell swoop, even if my problems seemed to be demanding immediate attention.

Take care of you, and keep smiling, and breathing and believing...you know you are a success. I have witnessed that in these last few days alone.

God Bless
Suzannah

sunflowergirl · ~*Service Worker*~

Awww thank you Suzannah :) I really loved your share!

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