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Not Sure "Cunning" Really sums up for me the meaning of what this disease has done to me, & my Family...
Today, I said fairwell to another of My Afathers friends, It was sad for more then just the reason of loss of life, but also for the things "This" disease causes others to become...
those that read my previous post about the loss of this man, know he had (3) kids of his own, (2) Grandkids, and not to mention his wifes kids and gr.kids... The Wife Also Being an "A" of Course... She decided (For what ever reason) that she was NOT Letting "His" Children (All Grown) See him... At ALL... No Service... No Veiwing... Just "He's Dead... The END!!!
Well this devastated the kids, and they felt that they needed Some form of closure, so without the consent of his Wife, they had a memorial to Honor their Father... I have to say I have never been to a Service where there was No Body present, but I could tell by the room of friends & Family that gathered, the kids got their closure, and can now begin the newest chapter in their life.. Knowing he is gone... Accepting He Is Gone...
I went to the sm. dinner after in support of my family, and with him being an "A" i got a chance to see "Many" of the everyday people my Afather would spend his time with at the Bar, and of Course they ALL had memory's of my Dad to Share with me...
I love that I have those memory's but I think I Love even more that "They" seen the Good Side of my Dad As well... That He Left an Impression On Them...
I often see alot of My Father in Me... I NEVER Thought I would EVER say that, because according to my Appearance, I am a split'n image of my Momma, but Dad was always my "Inner" Voice...
When My Afather Past from this disease 2 short years ago, His Best friend since High School & (a 2nd Father to me) Came to me at My Dad's Funeral, and said... "I know that when someone passes, there are some that will look at your Dads Life Style n turn their Nose to him, but I want YOU to Know... Your Father Saved Me!!! Your Father thru himself in front of My Bullet I had Marked to End My Life... Your Father had heard of my troubles and Come to me (By the Grace of God) at the exact Minute... I was To Pull the Trigger, and Talked me Down From my own dimise... He Listen to me Cry My eyes out over my ending Marriage, My Mistakes with my Children, and so on and so forth, and he DID NOT leave my side, till he knew... I Was OK..."
Now I remember that Story very Strongly and Deeply in my Soul... Because I can now see that My Father was more then just what "I" Saw... He was to others sometimes just as important...
Since Al-anon/ACOA I have since realized that my life has been torn, shattered, broken hearted, and the horror "I" had carried with me for so long...
I sat in that Service today, Asking God to Guide my day, Asking HP to Allow me to have the gentle heart, the easy touch, the shoulder, the words for my Step Bro & Sis... And I know he came thru...
I had went and bought them a Shrub... It was Called "Heaven Scent" Which is were "I Believe" there Afather is... I explained to them that I was Sorry that his Wife did not allow them a "Place" to mourn their father, so I wanted to Plant this schrub "For Them" so they had a place to take their kids and talk about their Pap, and all the Great things he did do right... They seemed very Grateful for my gusture...
When My Afather Died, EVERYONE would say to me "Why do you go to that Cemetary??? He's Not There!!!" Well I know that... But for Me... Spiritually I "Needed" a Place, to go "Away" from all else, and just feel like my Afather is still here... I needed a Place, that was Quiet, beautiful, and wide open to share my love with him, and were his stone is; it is beautiful, to me... And it works "For Me " and tho I Know I can have my Dad Anytime I want, it does not change the fact that there are somethings... Only "I" Understand the meaning too, and my Spiruallity would be one of those things...
I spoke to some Old Friends Today, Alot "A's" but the one that took me by surprise the most, wanted "ME" to tell Him about "Al-Anon"... :) He had Never Knew there was a Place for the family's (of) Alcoholics, and he has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember, he told me he still drinks, but has slowed ALot, and I encouraged him if he ever wanted to enter the walls of AA Or Al-Anon to look me up and we would go together... Can't say it will happen... but Made me feel pretty good that He Ask!!! He was a Brother to the man we said goodbye today... This disease also took his Father, 10 years earlier... This Disease has a way of "Humbling" you after a while, and I would like to think, Again today... HP Has Humbled Me Once More....
Another powerful, awesome share. So very glad you were able to be there for your family and offer your compassion, understanding and love How special that you heard a wonderful heartfelt share about your dad and how important and caring he was to others as well as yourself.
This disease of alcoholism is painful and deadly for all it touches but the people who suffer from it are capable of many kind deeds.
This is so sad...it's true there is a person behind the alcohol and many times that person has a good side, a caring and compassionate side.. I worry about my husband, as mad as I am at him I don't want him to die.
My Grandpa was an alcoholic, and he did a lot of damage, but at the same time, everyone had stories of all the times he helped people, all the good he did. Even as a drinking alcoholic.
I've recently been guilty of looking at my fiance, with his alcohol abuse, and just writing him off as a useless no good loser.... thinking about how and when to end our engagement and kick him out. I was talking to my mom last night and she gently reminded me of all the good he has done.... that God loves him... that he is worthy of kindness.
Your post inspired me, and I realize I need to pray for a gentle heart too....
to all