The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sometimes I don't know how my brain works. While of course I still have overall legitimate complaints (perhaps concerns is a better word) about my overall life, things have been good by any standards lately and I've been reasonably happy lately. So what do I do? I start staying up too late and not getting enough sleep; I start overeating again; going late to work; I start sloughing off on responsibilities etc. What am I doing? At this point if my wife or anyone at work got upset with me they'd have a legitimate reason. Why am I doing this? Can't stand prosperity? Trying to make myself depressed again? I need to turn this around.
HI MJ It is another symptom of the disease of alcoholism by which we have been touched. It is a gift that you can see your actions and then by the awareness address a change.
Talk it over with sponsor, do a 4th step and the issue and ask HP to lift the defect. That is a big part of the actions When you see youself self sabatoging stop say the serenity prayer and do the next right thing
For me.... it was all part of my recovery process..... I wasn't ready to "get healthy" yet, as I stayed mired in my pity party.... I spent a couple of years there - seeking out others who would feel sorry for me, take MY side, etc..... Then one day, I came to the realization that this behavior (of mine!) wasn't doing me any good, and I started taking steps to correct that..... Exercise is a biggie for me - whenever I am feeling really down - when I examine things, I have stopped exercising, allowed myself to get lazy, etc....
One of my "turnaround" moments was at one of my ex-AW's treatment centers.... She was safely in this center, and I was down visiting, and had an opportunity to meet with her counselor.... He asked me if there was anything I'd like to talk about.... I told him that "I am happy she's in treatment, but part of me wants her to drink again, so I can walk away from the marriage, with my kids, justified and with my head held high"..... Now - I could have sworn that I was doing well with balance, wasn't feeling sorry for myself, etc, and kind of expected a bit of a "poor Tom, it must be tough" kind of response..... Instead, he didn't bat an eye, and told me "of course you want that - then you can continue to blame your wife for everything that is wrong in your life, and not take responsibility for anything!" Well, I was.... um.... let's just say.... he was 100% right!!
All part of the process of our own recovery...
There is a great old saying.... you will start getting better when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired.....
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
wow. tom. that is SO where i am right now... part of me wants him to continue to mess it all up, so i can say "buh-bye" ... its like i am looking for him to make one more mistake.... how do i get past that... and figure out what i really want? i do love him...i just don't know how to forgive him.... :(
I think we all self sabotage to a certain point in our recovery until we start applying the tools, steps and slogans of alanon. And even then we may slip from time to time. I did it big time because I believed should suffer, i shouldn't have happiness as long as my son was an active addict. because I blamed myself and if my child was sufferring I should be too. Misery does love company. Keep working your program, everday, every hour, every minute of thats what it takes until you gain back self condience and self esteem. HP did not put us here on earth to suffer. We do that to ourselves or others. One thing an old timer told me once...and it took a while to get it through my thick skull
I didn't realize I self sabatoge until just reading this thread.
Yes, I blame a lot of my current pain on my Ex RABF. I sit in pity and anger most of the time and wonder if I do this just to avoid myself, even though I am in active recovery myself (codie).
Thank you for this share, it really hits home today. I seem to get into the woe is me party too and I have no idea how to get out. Today is Sunday. its a new day. I am going to try at recovery again...
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
Thanks for this post. I can relate as well. I try not to let my ABF make me so angry (I am making my own self angry), that I indulge in unhealthy behavior. I really try to put it aside and know that every episode is a learning experience. Then I find activities that I have put off for awhile and dig in!
One of the things that happens to an enabler that looses their job of managing another persons life is that they find out they don't know anything about managing their own. Part of the disease of enabling!! The enabler sets conditions and goals for other people to focus on and work for and doesn't know how to do that them selves. Al-Anon, when we get in and work the program changes all of that. When the alcoholic stops drinking completely and enters a program of longterm sobriety get's the marriage back, the job, the car and the dog. The Enabler?... gets nothing to do....aaaawwwwwhh!!
One solution is do a gratitude list of the good stuff in your life and an inventory of the stuff you stopped doing or are not doing for your own peace of mind and serenity.
An enablers relapse; yes we have them in spades, is to get fearful about not having something to do and then interfering in the life of the alcoholic or some other people in order to get our "fix".
