The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
hi my name is meg. i am 43 years old. have been married for 21 years to alcoholic in denial. i didn't realise he was an alcoholic till recently (lol!!!_)been living with my 3 children since feb 2010. they are aged 23, 19 and 17. my son has had a drinking problem for quite some years (23 year old) and 19 year old daughter has also had a problem with drinking and also self harming and last year was suicidal. seems in a better mental state now.both their drinking has led them into all kinds of problems with the law and with other people.2 weeks ago they came back from a night out both drunk and my 23 year old son beat my 19 year old daughter in my kitchen with me trying to intervene. this was the first violence between them that i was aware of. he was totally out of control.managed to get them apart and daughter went to her father.my son came back a few times but was still drunk or had been drinking again each time i saw hiom. 4 days later he came back sober and we talked. i told him it was unacceptable and that we couldn't live together anymore. gave him different options and he chose to go to friends. his dad is willing to have him.his sister has gone to her granny out of town for a while.the next morning my daughter (19) came home at 3 am. i was by this stage laid low with flu and getting high blood pressure and totally exhausted in every which way.i told my daughter that i needed a break and she should stay somewhere else for the next 8 days at least and then we would review but when she came back we would have to live differently in relation to her drinking andf going out and coming home at all hours.she went to her dad and he sent her to her granny.so thats where i am right now.no al anon groups where i live but intending to start one.have a sponsor from a.a and currently attending a different 12 step group that exists in our area(the only other one then aa codependants anonymous).just wanted to share with you all and also hear any thoughts especially on way forward. i am keeping in mind what is best for me but i hope that i will be able to offer some help or support for my son and daughter too.hoping to hear from someone soon.
Sorry, wouldnt want to be in your shoes with all the alcoholism. It was hard enough with just one alcoholic.
But same thing applies. I know you dont have meetings close to you, so I would come here as much as you can. There are meetings online here. You were wise to put some space between all of them so you could get better.
Theres nothing you can do for your daughter and son but take care of yourself and work your program. That would be the best example for them. They are not children and sound out of control. They should take there dynamic somewhere else. I would build boundaries for myself, this is how to teach them to live differently, it will start with you .
Keep coming back and share with us and we will offer our support.
Meg (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))
ANd WELCOME TO our Family :)
Does sound like you have a TON Going on and I would have to agree, asking for some down time, was the best you could do, sounds like a little Rest might just be the medicine for a while...
My Father was an alcoholic, and both his parents, and I also have an olders sis, and younger brother as well, and that doesn't include my OWN Alcohol problems I have been living with...It is a brutel disease, and one that I Never truly understood till I found the Walls of Al-Anon... I was so much in Survivor mode that I wasn't living I was just slowly dieing inside...
I have made HUGE Strides to be a better person, be one less "Drunk" in my family, but I am no were Near the Finish Line... When My Son was born 13 yrs ago, that was One thing that changed my outlook on life, but I still couldn't save my Afather, for I lost him to this ugly disease two years next month...
Cunning is what they like to call this disease, but it is soooo much more then that, all my life I have been told "What they want me to believe" so for me the "TRUTH" is always at such a reach... It is hard for me to know who is lieing and who is telling the truth...
I am slowly learning that when I LET GO and allow them to face thier own desitany, wether good or bad, and I take care of me, some how, HP Finds a way to make it work...
I'm Grateful you are here, and good for you for wanting to give back and open a meeting in your area... That is truly COURAGOUS
thanks for the advice. its just good to hear from people who understand what i am going through.going to a codependants anonymous meeting tonight which helps.usually i go to al anon on line meetings at this site on a monday afternoon. can't attend more because of time difference i am actually at work!!!!what literature do you find most helpful?
thanks for the hugs.very comforting!it has been a crazy ride for quite a while thats for sure and i only realised it after both kids were out of the house and i sort of felt myself relax!you don't really realise how stressed you are until it stops!!!!so i had one sort of relax moment when i left my husband in february this year but didn't know i was so wound up until last week when kids left!!!anyway i am so grateful for the program and the 12 steps and thank you for being here.
will keep you posted how it goes with starting a meeting in our area. thanks
Totally feel for you and am praying that HP guides you to the path that is right for you. I have an A son 21 almost 22 yrs old. Lost all his jobs, Friends, everything excpet the love of his father and I which is uncondtional. He is currently in jail rehab but will be getting out in about 6 weeks It took my husband and I a good long while to decide what we needed to so because my son was sinking fast and frankly taking us down with him. As unbearable painful as it was we told him there was no more coming home. So now he has literally lost everything. We did tell him we would help him get into a sober living home but thats as far as we will go. If he wants something different he is on his own. That for him very well means homelessness. But in making our decision after much prayer we knew just putting a roof over his head was enabling him. And we couldn't do that anymore. I don't relish being in your shoes right now. But I know with prayer and guidance you will do what is best for you. Blessings
Sounds like you're doing a lot of the right things. Being in AA helps, and certainly co-dependents anonymous would be extremely helpful, too (as I strongly feel most Al-Anon's are co-dependent people.)
Keep taking care of you! You might be interested in purchasing some of the Al-Anon literature while you're working on getting a group started.
And THANK YOU for taking the step to start a group when you can see one is needed!!
great to hear from you here. thanks for sharing with me your situation.its so very, very hard to do.and i am also struggling to know what to do about my daughter. short term she is away from me with her granny in another town while i recuperate a bit from the crazy ride i have had over many years.i know i want some more time without either of them at home and i know my son cannot live with me any more. i am taking it one day at a time and really relying on HP and focusing mostly on what is good for me.would love for you to keep me posted on how things are going with your son. i guess i am lucky in a way that i have separated from their dad (lol!) as it means if my son and his dad decide there is the option of my son staying with his dad. they don't get on so well so don't know if it will happen. anyway whatever happens thats my sons decision and his dads decision too. will keep you and your son and family in my prayers.
take care and thanks for sharing. it makes it so much easier not to walk a difficult path alone but to walk with others sharing similar experiences so thanks.
i have courage to change right by my bed and its been a lifesaver to me!am waiting for some information from al anon which my brother should be posting to me soon so that will be good.i did contact al anon world hq about being a lone member but they haven't got back to me and that was a good couple of months ago. i will e mail and see if i get some response that way.hoping to attend an a.a meeting on monday (my first time ever and i am not an alcoholic but its the onbly active 12 step group around apart from codependants anonymous which has just started with soe friends of mine andits great) to see if i can get any help or interest from them or their family members about an al anon group here.
