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It has been awhile since I posted a long while put I need to today. My brother in law went into detox yesterday for oxycotin addiction which turned into a 6 gram a day (that is what he tells me) heroine addiction. I have been there to get him his DSHS and helped him get into treatment and I know that I did not Cause it and I know I cannot Cure it and I know I cannot Control it. But I love him I have had him in my life sense he was 6 years old and he is 27. I love him I believe in him. So I can only imagine what he is going through and I try to tell myself to look forward to meeting the real person he was and is again on the other side of this journey. But the mind monsters are tough and people around me are saying. Why are you so sad he is in recovery it is where he needs to be. At least he is in detox and not in the grave. But I love him and when he hurts I hurt. I am scared he will be the 15% that do not make it. The mind games that he will have to make it through will be horrible. I am on the side looking in the valley as he goes through his own personal hell and I cannot help him. I cannot love him to death. This I know but my human emotions are there. I am surrounded by other addicts. My husband who abuses alchohol and just shuts down, my father in law who enables my brother and law and who is an addict himself. So I turn to you guys. For the support as I try to keep the home fires burning. I also think because I myself have survived post pardum depression and was locked in a mental ward for 5 days where I was not able to be alone for more than 15 minutes day or night is also causing some triggers for me. I think you can feel the pain of the fire if you yourself have been burned. But in the same breathe I made it and am such a stronger person he can too. I guess I need some encoragement, advise, prayers....something to lean on as I am feeling tired. MERCY
Mercy remember the A's in your life are very sick. If it were any other disease, you would not question feeling so sad, neither would anyone else!
There are all kinds of people. Some of us are more aware of our feelings, and the feelings of others. We have a tougher time letting things be or cloudy them some.
Some people are more stoic and though do care, they can process it different so it does not eat them up.
But people who are more aware of feelings, also feel the good stuff deeper too! We see things others don't. I mean like the feelings I get when I see a buffalo or the sun rays coming from the clouds, like lights from heaven.
It may help you to say stop and put in your head, He is ok. keep it simple. Stop the negative thoughts.
Honestly from my experience, the people I know or knew who had cancer, sick from cirrosis, dieing from accidents, etc, they would tell me, you feel so much worse than I do! They cared more about how they made others feel, than their own problem!
The % bs is moot hon. The way I think about it is they are having some clean time. Maybe be a bit relieved to not have to find money, find the drugs, find a place to do the drugs, then to start over again. They feel sick, but they have some hope. At least they will have this time. many never get that chance.
Maybe you can relax, knowing he is getting care, and would want you to relax too.
I loved my bil since I was 14 in high school! He became a H addict young. bad. One time he was kicking it in a dark room. I was maybe 17. My gma got him some codeine cough syrup to get him thru. He was clean many years after that
I am shocked now thinking about how my gma did that!
Once he stayed at my house with my parents! I had very well not strict but caring made sure we had it all parents. He slept on a mattress in my b room with the door open.
As an adult he drove truck. But then he entered a program, got healthy, took some classes and ended up working with our governor in the enviromental protection agency! He had lots of good time!
Anyway I ended up marrying his bro. My bil at age about 50, got real sick. ended up dieing in my arms from his liver being done.
I learned to take those times of being sober, in recovery, in detox, in rehab, and even the times of not being abusive but using, as very PRECIOUS times.
I am a healthy vegan, never did drugs or drank or smoked around all the 60' 70's generation. seen about it all. been in the middle of it!
Your bil is fortunate for your love. NO it won't save him, but knowing we are loved addict or not is important.
Thank you so much for your response and it really made sense to me. I am who I am and I do feel much deeper than those around me and I always have. Thank you for sharing your expierence it helps remind me that I am not alone. It also is good to remember that his illiness is on the inside and if I told anyone that he was in the ICU they would not think twice about how I am feeling. I can relate that this is his time and that he needs it more than anything to not have to worry about the drug to focus on getting better. I thank you for reminding me that each person has their own way of dealing with things. I know that attitude and the right energy makes all the difference so I will try to keep it simple and get out of my head. I tend to get stuck in there sometimes Thank you Mercy.
My A was in rehab in July and I couldn't tell anyone. I knew the stigma that came with that. SO I kept it in and just hoped every day. He was a whole different person in there and I knew I was talking to the real him. Take it one day at a time, and take this time that you have now without him here to work on your own recovery. You are in the right place :) I don't believe in the % either. If they want it, it will happen. If they don't want it yet, they will go back to using... It is what it is...
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
One day at a time, keep working the program. When we are thinking more clearly a) thing don't seem so hopeless and b) we can find better solutions, supports, coping strategies etc.
Thank you for your response. It is one day at a time. I guess I am just realizing that I am always there to do the carrying that now that I need to be carried I do not even know how to ask. I think that I deal with the crisis instead of dealing with the "illiness" that I have myself. So when there is noone or nothing to take care of and I am left with myself it is like looking in a mirror and I see that I can take care of everyone else but do not know how to allow anyone to take care of me. And when they do I feel like a burden and end up taking it back. Funny how he is not here and it is only then that I realize that I have not taken care of myself. I think I might be just as sick. It is one day at a time and right now it feels like one moment at a time. MERCY
Well as an update my BIL is out of detox. I guess he made it through last night and called his dad my FIL this morning and he went and got him. All day I worried about him and waited for the phone to ring or to get a text to encourage him. It never happened. I found out when I called tonight when I got home from work. I ask my FIL if he thought my BIL got his phone taken away. He said no I am looking at it. I did not know what to say I felt my heart just drop. Instantly I was really anger and mad. How could he not call ME. How could he do this to ME. After everything I did to get HIM help.....then I came here and read the posts. WOW...it is not about me is it. Letting go and letting God or your HP. To be powerless...to detach with love. I pray for the strength because I know my mind can say I can do that. But my heart is not there yet. I did learn like a child who touches a stove...HOT. No matter how much I worry no matter how much I cry no matter how much I WANT it...it is up to him. This is his life and his choice. Unconditional love is so much deeper and harder than I ever thought. Well I know that I cannot do this alone so please anyone who might stumble across this, send out prayers. I am going to go and take that break to take care of myself, I so often read about tonight from some senior members. With love Mercy
Thank you Mercy.