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Well, my brother was arrested last night for violation of parole. This is the second time he's been arrested for parole violation, so he'll probably have to serve the whole sentence (maybe two years). This time was much, much worse though. I've seen him drunk plenty of times, but this time the beer/meds combo was a scary sight.
One guy on the street said he'd seem him passed out in another yard on the way to get beer multiple times. My father and I had discussions at length on what we should do. Keep in mind that my brother would not go to detox or rehab, becuase we tried.
My father's point of view: He would not sit and watch him kill himself especially since he said he would severall times. Two things would happen as a result of him calling his PO. 1) It would save his life this time, and he might, just might thank him for saving his life when he sobers up and takes a look at how bad everything had gotten and how close to death he really was. 2) My bro would hate him for it, never talk to him again, and fall right back into the rut when he gets out. Dad said that he now knows he's done everything he could for him if he does fall back into the rut, and would be able to live with it if he did kill himself.
My point of view: Let him make his own choices on the path to take. Let him suffer the consequences, even if that meant death. He will ask for help when he wants it. (I'm trusting what I've read from AA)
He was about to get kicked out the apartment that I got for him, so he would be homeless. If he were homeless, dad felt certain that he would kill himself. He was only there for 11 days (11 days of pure hell). I got a good nights rest last night, but had some depression this morning, and sick to my stomach. I'm feeling better this afternoon after walking 3 miles at lunch.
Now I have two houses to clean out. My sweet, sweet mother's house who died in August, and my brothers house.
Just offering (((hugs))) Am new to all this so don't really have any advice..... although I did go through having to see my last husband go to jail for domestic violence and then probation violations after that.... worry about him being homeless.... listen to his threats of suicide.... so I know how worried and sick you feel.... cleaning is good, so is walking.... and I'm sorry to hear about your mama's death this summer..... =(
I am glad that your brother is safe even if it is in jail!!!! It sounds as if both you and your Dad have processed the situation and know how really deadly this disease can be.
Please keep coming back here and posting. Face to Face meetings in your community will also provide positive tools that can help you redirect your energy into positive actiona for yourself.
Praying for your family
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 30th of September 2010 03:06:09 PM
Words can only do so much, but just wanted to give you a quick story to hopefully help lighten your load....
A former work-mate of mine was a cocaine & heroin addict.... He lied, cheated, stole, etc - all the way through, just to get his drugs.... He had stolen from his parents house (including a tv and a car) - all to buy drugs....
One night, about 15 years ago now - he called his Dad from a payphone.... He was homeless, wasted, and had nowhere to turn.... He begged his Dad to let him come home for a "safe place to be", and that he would surely begin the process of getting himself sober....
After so many years of lies, disappointments, etc., his Dad said "no son, you cannot come home", and hung up the phone.
This same guy is now almost 15 years completely clean and sober. He has a wife, two great kids, and is gainfully employed. He often refers to the night I mentioned above, and reminds himself & his Dad of this being a turning point in his pursuit of sobriety. He has gone so far to say that he is convinced that if his Dad had, indeed, let him back in the house that night, that he would still be using and/or dead by now.
There are no right or wrong answers with so many of these situations.... I hope and pray your brother finds the path that he needs to find right now - sounds to me like your father and you have truly done all that you can...
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
When I got out of the way my alcoholic wife and her (real) Higher Power could meet. That is what happened for me also. When I hurt so extreemly bad and was insane and had nothing left to help me...Al-Anon was there and Al-Anon introduced me to my Higher Power. Faith and Trust without reservation is necessary. Closing my eyes and just letting go without attempting to take her back is what worked like many had told me it would. I came to understand...and believe.
Because I am also a member of AA I have heard many stories of recovery that started in jails, prisions and institutions. It is a forced dry period and recovery programs are there after they get dry. Arrests become bottoming out tools from HP. Let him go and go get fixed yourself.
Oh Young man. I am so so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could come help you clean.
Forgive your father. He is being a dad who does not know anything about the disease. Bro going to prison will save his life. It is totally up to him how he will use that time. We can hope he gets the AA literature from the library and reads it. You may want to check with the facility he ends up in if you can bring him or have books sent to him. I had books sent to the ex ah. From Amazon online
Usuallly they go to jail, to court, then they go to a holding jail to be evaluated to where he will go to prison. Of course we ALL with there was lock up for addicts. Most prisons, way over, way way over the % of the population are addicts.
We will hope they can attend AA in there. If he will go. I hope he does go away for two years. Sounds cold, but it is ever so much better than where he was heading. I pray dad does not bail him out, or get him out of this.
Hon this was inevitable. I wish my young husband would have ended up in jail/prison instead of dead.
YOU my friend REST. He is ok. When you go see him, I hope you can accept it as is. He may be angery for awhile. He may come back to being the brother you know.
I am so proud of you, so proud. You listened and trusted Al Anon. NOT easy to do. Your brother needs you to love him, hate the disease/behavior. He is very sick, but now has a miracle. It is up to him to decided how to use it.
Again I know what you are going thru. The pain scars are still there. Please let others help you. If you can get to face to face meetings GO!!
HOpe you keep coming here. I know it seems like bad news, but it honestly is not!
