The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I decided after this last bout of depression and pain, that I am not going to put myself in hurtful situations anymore.
Being alone, I had learned to "take care of things" that emotionally were breaking my heart. ex: euthanizing my own animals when suffering, burying them.
Fixing heavy big stuff when it hurts me. Swallowing anothers bolony. ex: rude people in stores etc.
Just need to let my heart heal and heal and heal some more. I want/need to get back to the woman I appreciate HP for giving me. I have worked hard to be me.
Have had enough of the icky stuff. I am not strong enough anymore nor do I want to be!
With this disability my body tears, tendons, muscle etc. Last eve I had a can and was walking in the pasture, bonking pears down again with them all following me. I loved it.
I then could not find Fred my huge foodstool with legs tortoise. I thought he got into the pasture. I was hunting for him and my foot hit this horrible piece of wire, I went half down with legs split, tore something that goes all the way up the back of my leg to my butt.
No cell phone in pocket of course. Got back in the house, in bed, put med on me and massage. Getting dark. I KNEW I would not sleep without Fred.
prayed, hp knows me. I think he likes me. I went to the back yard where he was suppose to be. I had blocked this old pig house he likes so he will go into their NICE room on the deck with the heat, hay etc.
I thought I well I will pull the fence away from the house and look. There he is all in zzzz land. gads. I left him there. heck with it. lol
Went back to bed of course saying thank you to HP a million times. I would wake up and thank him again.
Anyway just where my thoughts are. Taking some money off tenants rent to fix the kitchen faucet, another stress gone. The drawers in kitchen, about three are off those stupid PLASTIC tracks. I hate when people use cheap stuff to build with.
My washer is leaking water, not the usual easy fix of a hose. aaaaa!
BUT Fred is ok, animals are ok, dogs kiss me and play every morn...sun is out today.
deb, I'm so sorry to hear of the physical problems you're dealing with. But it sounds like you have a great attitude. ¨....done with the ickys....¨ Yeah, that's the spirit! Take care of yourself and your beloved animals and stay away from the bad, hurtful, ICKY stuff as much as you can. I'm glad that Fred was found safe and OK. Enjoy that sunshine!
One day at a time there sweetpea. Sure seems you always have a lot on your plate. Any way you could lighten the load a little?
I am about to give my two cats away that I have had for almost 10 years. We are moving from 19 acres to a SMALL lot in the suburbs. They have always been outside cats and I found a friend with a great farm for them to live on and I can come visit. Crap, brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. Momma kitty had her kittens on the pillow of my bed - with my head laying right there on the next pillow! Glad I woke up after the first one . . . but she refused to have them in the place I made for her - she kept bringing them back to me and had to have them with me there. They love me and I love them. But they will be happier where they are going. . . and so will my future neighbors.
Then my 15+ yr old Boarder Collie - Ollie the collie - isn't going to be with us much longer. Soon I will be down to my little schnauzer in a suburb. Can you imagine??? I can't. But . . . it will be easier on me. I love them, they have brought so much joy to my life - all of them - but times are changing and though it hurts my heart I have to do what is best for the animals and myself.
Perhaps you could find a program where kids need to perform community service and you could get some help around there! Some of your stories - crawling around in the mud under your porch in your nightgown . . . you need some muscle around there! Many hands make light work.
Love ya! Chin up and REST!
tlc
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
Very touched by your post. I too live with a lot of physical pain that i have no insurance or money to truly "fix" myself unless I win the lotto. I too refuse at times to accept my physical limitations and do things that bring on worse pain because i just refuse to bow down and let myself veg out. Depression and anxiety are no strangers to me either as I have PTSD. And before coming to alanon believed I had taken the depths of depression and the complete panic attacks to a whole new level. I found thier was no hope for me to in anyway change my behavior towards my A son until I got my own head together. It has taken me a lot of time to make the progress I have and I have so far to go. But now each day brings a promise of new hope and more change. I can only do it one day at a time and do the best I can in order to fulfill whatever purpose HP has in store for me. Prayers and blessings to you
