Intro - Al-Anon Family Group

Melly · Newbie

Intro

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Melly

Welcome to MIP and Alanon Recovery

The siituation you describe is a very familar one. Alanon believes that alcoholism is a disease. We did not cause it cannot control it and cannot cure it. Having lived with it we have been affected. In order to recover from these affects the alanon program has been set up in evey community with face to face meetings.

Go to this site for help in finding a meeting.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

We have on line meetings here 2xs a day and it ismeetings that helps break the isolation, and enables us to speak our truth with people who underrstand.

We have a large number of books that will give you tools to help change your focus and attitude.

You are not alone

When stressed come here and share.

Keep coming back

Melly · Newbie

Thanks for the info and the reply. It's a little overwhelming, there are so many meetings in my area, and I think I'd rather just stay here for now. It's difficult to get out without the quesitons. Even though I'm an adult, you become a child again when you're living in your parents home, even for a visit. It's very frustrating.

Anyways, I may check one out, but it might take a while.

Thank you

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello melly , well uhave two months to get to some meetings and out of the house they will help alot .. and get u out of the house .. call 1-888-4alanon it is toll free an international they will give u contact number or location of closest meeting .. good luck and they also have meetings in austrailia .. just read a reply you posted to someone else , here like you said your an adult but u have to look after yourself there is no need to answer questions about where your going for an hr or two ,you need support this board is just not enough ..hope u change yur mind .

ythannah · Senior Member

Hi, Melly and welcome (from another Canuck)! biggrin

I relate to so much of what you have posted, being the adult child of two alcoholic parents. When I was a teenager, I tried once to voice my concern about the amount my mother drank -- and heard blame also: "You'd drink too if you had a kid like yourself", which effectively shut me up for several decades. Since I was an honour student who never got in the least bit of trouble, working part-time since I was 14, I couldn't understand what I could be doing wrong to cause my mother to retreat into intoxication, so I decided there was something intrinsically "bad" or "wrong" within me. That feeling was continuously reinforced by the constant negativity and criticism they both heaped upon me, and I struggle with low self-esteem to this day.

I know only too well that feeling of becoming a child again from your parents' perspective. I felt that way for many years after leaving home at 17. My father still nags at me for having pets (he says it's "stupid"), for the vehicles I buy, not putting enough money into savings -- you name it -- and I'm 46 years old. (Lol, as I'm typing he calls me to tell me I eat too much sodium and have to reduce it!)

I'm going to echo what the others have said about attending face to face meetings. I resisted Al-Anon for many years, thinking that once I moved out of my parents' home I'd left my problems behind me, because THEIR alcoholism was the problem, right? Then I was able to see that my patterns of interacting with the world, particularly in relationships, and my feelings about myself had all been unhealthily shaped by growing up in that environment. Even my awareness of it wasn't enough to shake it off; I carried it around with me all the time.

I still didn't reach out for help until I lost my mother to cirrhosis last November, then my recovering ABF had a horrific relapse in another city at Christmas time. It was a sort of "bottom" for me and I started attending Al-Anon meetings plus reading the literature in January. Already, after only 9 months in the program, I'm beginning to act and react differently. But, as I have explained it to other people sometimes, it's not just about learning to deal with someone else's alcoholism -- it's a program of emotional and spiritual growth for ME.

Maize · Senior Member

The alcoholic always has an excuse as to why they drank/used. Sometimes when I used to ask "why" my abf would say "I don't know why". I think someone else made up a list, but it can be anything or person or place that made them drink. You do not make your mom drink. She drinks because she drinks. If you find out more about alanon and get to read some of the literature that is available, you will find yourself in a whole different world. Healing you and working on you and making it all about you is so hard but so worth it. I have only been at it for a couple months, but I can say, I am calm now, even if my abf has a slip and drinks/uses. There is so much good in Alanon and just you coming to this board helps tremendously, it has helped me... take care of you now!

Melly · Newbie

Thank you.
ythannah, it seems we have had some simmilar experiences. I never gave my parents problems when I was a teenager either. Basic strife, but I wasn't out until all hours or drinking or into drugs or sex. Honestly I'd love to have a child the way I was.

I don't know if maybe it's just me that doesn't really want to go to the meetings. Making excuses, partly it's embaresment (as Im sure a lot of you know), partly I'm VERY shy in social situations, to the point of anxiety sometimes. That's mainly why I searched for an online venue. For now at least.

Maize, I know it's not my fault. I've always known, even as a teen, it wasn't my fault. It hurts though that she would put the blame on me. I've become accustomed to that hurt though, which is sad in itself.

carolyny476 · Newbie

Welcome to forum!
My name is Carolyny, from California.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.