The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I first got into Al-Anon and we use to read the definition of alcoholism, only one part of that definition mentioned that alcoholism affects everyone it comes into contact with and I pretty much accepted that. Over the years I have been here I have had daily affirmation that it was true and continues to be true for me and my family.
Bummer!! big time.
This morning's meeting topic was alcoholism and the family and I don't ever do this topic well because the disease has pretty much crippled my family from generations ago. Feeling powerless isn't a negative feeling anymore like it use to because the cunning, powerful and baffling nature of the disease continues to work on those still standing even which there is little to no drinking and using anymore. Our tap root was poisoned and warped and the family tree needs continuous pruning and trim- ming to help it grow straight up again if we ever remember what that looks like.
Years have passed and as I turn around and look at the family still living I just have to sigh and turn it over what a nuclear bomb zone. Gratitude is for little things and for me it's for program. Program is family...not blood; spirit. Spirit is stronger than blood. I'm grateful.
As Usual I would have to agree, I too have the "Toxic" family that even after MANY Generations of this disease, the desire for it to remain is still within my branches...
I do at time have to pat myself on the back a bit when I realized... Tho I am FAR From Perfect, I am at least "Attemping" to do the best "I" can to remain in Recovery, and Remain moving forward...
No One in my family has ever made that step, yes a couple went to AA meetings but only because forced by the system, they had/have no intention of changing the way they live, or drink for that matter, but being in program as taught me... That fact is know Longer My Concern, My Concern, is on my own recovery...
I love my family dearly, and have hopes that some day they too will find recovery, and nothing would make me happier... But learning that it is "None Of My Business" their doings, was a Huge Sigh of Relief...
Before i got here, I thought it was ALL my Fault, because I could see it, I could see what was going on, And even though I was telling them Over & Over, nothing was changing....
For Me... Recovery Saved me from myself, from my caretaking ways, my Controling (Trying to control) ways...I have a Super Long way to go, but I am so grateful as well for ever step I make to a happier, Healthier, More Spiritual Me.. A Journey I have waited on for a long time, but didnt know it was possible till I entered the doors of al-anon, and Yes, Found my Spiritual Famliy here & at my F2F Meetings.
I to have gratitude for all the blessings that have helped carry me to a place I had never visited until I got here... Until I met the Love & Understanding of people that had been were I have been, and Survived ... but not only survived, But Learn to thrive....
What A Blessing to have such a Place with such love... Thanks Jerry for your Post... Alcoholism is def. a Disease far beyond my own complete understanding, but one that because if it... Brought me to a place I can grow & Learn... & Strive to be better then the broken girl that arrived here, just 2 short years ago...
Alcohol, drugs, codependency and sexual abuse abound in my family tree, on all sides, from all directions... However, I choose to break the chain. I am working on it... Thanks for sharing Jerry!
Once again you are spot on. My husband and I both come from multi generational addiction. We knew a little ( too little ) about the disease and in an effort to spare our children the effects of this disease and to make sure they would never grow up thinking this disease is accpetable. We moved 3 states away from the daily chaos, drama and trauma. We always made sure they were in touch and visited family we weren't going to abandon them, just not live with all that this disease brings. Unfortunatly our son is the lastest to succumb to this disease. Although our children grew up seeing very little alcohol consumption and certainly no drugs it seems our son drew the genetic short straw ( not an excuse ) and he grew up with parents who were unrecovered Alanoners and ACOA's. My biggest regret was I had a chance at my own recovery before my son was even born. Went to a few meetings and walked away thinking "Iam not the sick one" why should I have to take some of my precious time to learn how to deal with those around me that chose the path of addiction. In reality I was Just as Sick as they were as I was the "fixer" the enabler etc. So while we thought we had done all the "right" things the biggest removing our children from that world we had no idea that we were passing along the same dysfunctional traits of the A's that were so ingrained in us UGH! Clearly those dysfuctional traits and coping skills which we know now are unhealthy even gowing up in a loving, nurturing, involved family our son already had 2 strikes against him. Now we must learn all these new tools and coping skills and use them on our own precious child that we would lay down our lives for and whom we love uncondtionally. It is heartbreaking. Why did I walk away from the recovery that was right there for me? Why did I not follow the path HP set out for me? Cause I was sick....but that is of little solace to me now. Gratitude for me is this family of spirit, love, support on a daily basis Blessings
