The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I got an early morning phone call from sibs saying that my Mother, who lives 6 hrs away and who has been in chronic pain for past month + has an unexplained fractured vertebrae and was taken to hospital. I'm worried about this, as there hasn't been a fall of any sort to explain this. I want to stay positive and hope that there is a effective treatment that will be available to her and that she can resume to her normal healthy lifestyle. I'm scared.
Went to a local fair, that has been a long standing tradition in my family (with exaH and our son, and even before our son) where I've enjoyed many great memories. I missed exaH terribly and realized that my life just isn't the same without him. Loving him has never been the problem. Today I missed just being able to love him.
My son had a meltdown today over a balloon. Ugh. It became so extreme. I wasn't my best self and I am disappointed in how I reacted. REACTED being the operative word. I yelled at him. Im not proud of myself for the way I REACTED.
I notice that sometimes, when my emotions are high, it happens in a flash that I resort back to habitual behaviour that can be damaging. I saw myself do that today with my son and afterward I felt like, "who was that?" I've been trying very hard to change things that I don't like about myself. But, it is evident, those flaws are still very present.
Rora, just as Bettina says, none of us is perfect.
My son, who has a moderate learning disability, had a lot of behaviour problems when he was younger. We were seeing a paediatrician regularly then and on one appointment I confessed to her that, on one bad day for me with stresses at work and with extended family, I completely lost it with Son. I shouted and yelled at him and stomped up and down, actually quite unlike me. I felt so guilty but she reminded me that the world is not always a nice, rosy place. She said I could not wrap son in cotton wool. The world is not full of people who would always be kind to him and treat him kid gloves. She said I was teaching him that adults do become stressed sometimes and shout and holler. Of course this was all true. But at least I made sure son and I always made up with a hug. He would say to me "We don't stay not friends for long, do we?"
As for feelings for ex-AH - some feelings you cannot just turn off like a tap. But do be wary - there is a reason why he is your ex.
Hope your Mum will be OK. She obviously has a very caring daughter who will be there for her whatever the outcome.
Last but certainly not least - take care of yourself, too. You are worth it.
Love, Tish xx
-- Edited by Tattyhead on Saturday 25th of September 2010 04:56:48 PM
"Made direct amends to such people except..." That's a little bit of the 9th step and today I have absolutely no excuse not to do it when I find out (feel) I have done a wrong. Boy can I remember all the times as a youngster I was extra wrong or less than because I wasn't as old as her or as tall or a parent. I remember getting mad at something my mom said to me or did and she jumped on me telling me, "Don't you get angry at me. I may be wrong but I am your mother." When ever I heard that "but" I knew I was about to be invalidated. She was soooo fearful of feeling humble. A balloon can be a fair reason for a kid to have a meltdown because they are ...Kids. They can get hugs when the balloon bursts or flys off we on the other hand need something more like a greater or higher power than kids to hold on to our peace of mind and serenity. I don't allow myself to tantrum anymore but to take a longer clearer look at what is going on with me and the different choices I have in handling it. The adult work.
I just got done having a back bumper conversation with my neighbor and part of that conversation was about relationships with our kids. Back bumper convos is one foot up on the bumper, the other on the ground and you droop yourself over the tailgate. If you don't have a pickup truck any ole railing will do.
His son is much younger than mine and in constant change. I suggested to him that the greatest treasure he can give his son, who is in a state of constant flux today, is his own experiences. The stuff he relates to from his past and how he learned and got past it, just like we do here.
Can I remember when I lost my balloon when I was your son's age? Can I remember what it felt like? Can I tell him I understand because I felt...when it happened to me? On the other hand your feelings about your husband and marriage situation are helped by a sponsor and coming here and meetings. I pray that becomes easier for you and that you don't loose yourself to the disease in order to not feel it. I did that many times until I just stopped and turned it over completely.
You sound clearer and stronger. Yay!! (((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 25th of September 2010 07:37:49 PM
For me, using the H A L T..making sure I'm not too hungry, too angry, too lonely or too tired helps. As a parent, wife, mother and grandmother...I work to remember others aren't their best either if they are any of the above.
No one, and I mean No one goes without a bad moment. If they say they do, they are lying.
IN through the nose, out through the mouth gf, be kind to you.
-- Edited by Peggy7 on Sunday 26th of September 2010 09:54:45 PM
Had my own melt down one day this week that had nothing to do with my A son but how I feel about my own self worth. I took one comment, turned that harmless comment around in my head and ran with it. Really to the point I wasn't fit to be around other human beings lol. Good thing was I prayed on it before going to sleep and woke up with a different attitude thankfully. I think we all have our slips and if we are workin the program can learn how not to dwell on it and move on. Blessings
