The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
post-divorce emotions, as I am- I decided I have a definite preference to be referred to as 'the first wife' as opposed to 'the ex-wife'. It is funny how something so small can strike us differently. I would like to think of it as tiny baby steps towards detachment. I may even make it half-way there before I turn 90!
I guess being that I have had one marriage that ended because he cheated too much and one that ended because he was a controlling abusive jerk, I am ok with the "ex" part :) I wish I could just delete the marriages from my mind altogether like a computer deletes a file! HA! I too hope I am half-way over it all by the time I turn 90!
"The childrens' father" is my title which I didn't think up and don't get warned about when it's gonna be used. "Ex-wife" is generic and traditional so I'll some time use that when I'm not (in program) using "addict-wife". Her anonymity is fully protected and it's not an issue today with either of the exes; all of the exes; them people. My esteem was more greatly hampered during the marriages than after the divorces. go figure. (((((hugs)))))
I have my ex who I sometimes refer to as my kids dad then there is the stalker bf lol who at times I call the crazy ex so I actually have an ex alcoholic baby daddy lmao and a crazy stalker ex....thank god for the new widower bf he is a keeper! Funny how they all have titles though lol
When asked I say....Well I got a 15 year "pin" from my first wife, didn't wear a "pin" for 6 years, and have an 18 year "pin" from my second wife, then smile and say that I pretty much hang in there once I put the "pin" on. It usually gets a chuckle and that ends the conversation. Mission accomplished.
The divorce decree was a permanent "detachment" from the first wife, and thanks to Al-Anon I have learned to "detach with love" and "not react" with the second. Otherwise I probably wouldn't be wearing my 18 year "pin". The program works if you work it.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Thursday 23rd of September 2010 11:00:57 PM
I found your post rather interesting. Techincally I would be the 2nd wife. My husbands first marraige lasted 3 months, he married her because they have child together and he needed as much leverage as he could get for when he divorced her he could gain custody of his son. The divorce papers were in the works before the ink on thier marraige liscense was dry. So I consider myself the one and only wife, we have been married almost 30 years and feel entitialed to that status. My husband sees it the same way As Maize said we pushed the delete button on that marragie a long long time ago
