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I think I need to un-friend my ex-AH or see if I can block a particular friend of his.
Just feeling really triggered and it's all I can do to bite my tongue or keep my fingers from flying furiously on the keyboard.
My ex-AH has an ex-girlfriend he's friended on Facebook a long time ago. This same ex of his, when he and I had first moved out to Hawaii together, wanted to come to Hawaii to see him in private. Meaning she was very clear that she didn't want me around. Was just really rude on so many levels and really went against my grain on what I was taught when it comes to interacting with people in a relationship. I expressed my feelings to A then and he didn't see her in private like she requested.
Fast forward to when he and I were on the last legs of our relationship - maybe a year ago - and she finds him on Facebook and he adds her as a friend and she's always posting public messages to his page. It really seems she never got past the relationship they'd had together.
So, now that our divorce is final, ex-AH and I both changed our relationship status on our own Facebook accounts to reflect that, and there she goes, chiming in how happy she is he's divorced now and that she plans to come out and see him now and thought the whole thing a few years back was "lame" of me.
GRAH!
This isn't me being nosey, either - I see all my ex-AH's posts and the subsequent posts from his friends on my Facebook wall, just like I see all my other friends. It's just all out there to see, and I can really see how hurtful things could become while friends comment on the changes.
I'm going to look into my settings and see if I can either ignore ex-AH's posts (which are less disturbing to me), or particularly ignore his ex-girlfriend's posts.
I'm trying to treat the whole situation like she's trying to bait me and be determined that I'm not going to bite. I'm OH SO TEMPTED to give her a piece of my mind, but I'm pretty sure she'd absolutely love that. So, no. I will NOT go there.
In the long run, I have to ask myself - jeez, is THIS person's opinion of me worth it? This same person who would love to get back together with my really sick ex-AH? They both have a lot of lessons to learn from each other, I'm sure. Interesting seeing how their HP might be working in their lives.
For your own peace of mind, what about deleting your ex-AH from your friends list altogether?? I can't imagine having my ex on my "friends" list, and I sure don't want to care about what or who she is talking about....
Just a thought
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I agree with Tom, that, in this case, it may be the best to de-friend your exAH. If you are not able to do that, avoiding facebook for a while or not looking at your wall may be other alternatives.
I haven't de-friended my ex-husband yet... he isn't an alcoholic, but was abusive in many other ways... I am not sure why I haven't. Hmmmm Maybe I should too :)
I like looking at it from another angle...the one which has you understand how uncondtionally you are loved by others...That one works because there are more of us than her and ...him? ((((hugs))))
So let her trigger an attitude of gratitude for ya!
-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 23rd of September 2010 05:42:52 PM
Hi and thank you for your post....You certainly sound emotionally stable. After reading your post i said, wow now thats a woman with some recovery under her belt...good for u!! was good to read that, thanks again and blessings your way :)
Glad you found the way to de friend your EX. My situation with facebook was I had an old supervisor whom I didn't like when I worked with her and would never consider her a friend on the outside and honestly she had alot of evil in her. She sent me request after request to be her friend on FB and i kept ingoring it. Finally I relented and friended her. Her posts to me were so absolutly ridiculous, constanly doleing out adivse that she never used in her own life but doing it so she looked like she "had it altogether". I couldn't take it anymore my first impluse was to call her out right on facebook about all the wrongs she had committed on people etc... but my alanon kicked in and I just finally defriened her. Best move i ever made on FB Blessings
