The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Overall I'm feeling ok...better would be accurate too....I'm not as depressed as I was a few weeks back...I feel sort of numb....but there have been some positives I see in myself lately. 1. Time seems to have slowed down...I'm feeling more in the moment than I usually do. 2. I feel relaxed. 3. I've totally detached from my marriage....at this point I'm going to take care of myself, she's free to do what she wants with her life, as long as it doesn't have a negative impact on my daughter. I haven't worried or obsessed about her behavior toward me in a little while. 4. Uncovering alot of info about myself and am feeling more comfortable with myself. I used to feel pressured to talk with people at work.....and I probably overdid it. Lately I've been content to be by myself or just listen to someone else.
the downs?: 1. I've finally FELT how starved for affection and attention I am. Yeah I know i can love myself but I don't think it's ever the same. I can do enough to be alright, and that's pretty good, but it hit me how devoid my day to day life is of affection. 2. Don't feel particularly happy about anything and find little or no real joy in life.....contentment...perhaps...but feel kind of "flat lined" emotionally.
Guess what Yank?...you're actually growing and growing farther away from what you were like when you got here. You will not do this overnight so continue to be patient and openminded and willing to do the different stuff cause you will get the different outcomes. There will come the day when you will feel joy and it will blow your mind and inflate your spirit and it will be a result of doing what others have done and shared with you about their recovery. I remember when it was promised to me and when it happened and I went right past joy into overjoyed. Keep coming back and attending to your/the program. Just love her for who she is and love your self the same way...It's legal and it works. ((((hugs))))
Progress not perfection! I feel the same way, and even though I have bad days (ie: yesterday) I am better able to wake up and come back to my senses the next day. Hang on to the good feelings and don't feel guilty for feeling good :) Take care of you
Belive me or not but you are making progress!!!!!! You did not get where you are overnight and it's all not going to get better overnight. But you are moving forward and as long as you keep doing that things will get better. Sounds like recovery to me Blessings
A few yrs ago I found a definition of Serentiy that changed my life . Serenity is having your mind and your body in the same place at the same time. I remember thinking how stupid is that statement anyway ?? well it made me think and I realized that I could not do that . I could be having lunch with a friend but thinking about what kind of mood my still practicing husb was going to be in when he got home or I would be at work look at the clock and think well he is probably in the bar right now , he was always in my head . I too have an obsessive personality and when I decide to do something I go for it , i bought an egg timmer set it for 5 min sat myself down to listen to the news on tv , I was determined to stop him from invading my head , I told myself that if he or anything other than the news popped into my head I would shut the timmer off . it took me 6 weeks - 3 times a day to beat that timmer . Today when i am with a friend I am there not thinking about what is going on at home or what happened the day before I have arrived at the moment hehe Along time ago it seemed to me that the word NOW was always being mentioned at meetings or in conversations it really started to bug me wondering what the message was ( I said i was obsessive ) went to a roundup AA and the speaker talked about the word NOW , and i thought sheeeesh what is this anyway , he went on to say if you spell the word backwards its WON when u live in the now U have won = go figure .
yeah, that happens alot to me. I feel like I'm physically in one place but mentally I'm in another time and space. It's good to feel in the here and now. Like I said, it makes life slow down alot.
