The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I found this post made me uncomfortable. NO offense to my friend Diva.
It is MY experience that we do not gossip about others here on MIP. She is no different than anyone else. She is sick.
How many times do we read on here from our dear sis and bros that their A drank on the way home, or was back on drugs in a week? It is sadly as we have said a million times, a part of recovery!! It is a sad horrible thing.
What purpose did this serve? Who did it help to discuss this? Do we EVER post someones name anyway???
Please remember A's are our judges, attorneys, teachers, doctors, actors, singers, checkers, moms, dads, kids, tellers, and infinite other labels. Just because she is a young actress makes no difference. We do not have the right to judge anyone!
A's are very sick, very tortured. Remember their brains are not well, does anyone expect someone who has a grave disease affecting the brain to act as a non A.
Al Anon has taught me so much. That when an A goes to rehab, no matter the outcome, every moment they have in recovery is a positive one. Many times it is the fifth time or tenth time that they find they can get years of serious recovery.
I know for me, it is not my job to judge or point fingers. For me it is to hope people find meetings, come here, read literature. That we find compassion with these humans that are addicts, hate the behavior but not the person.
Also not all addicts are nice people! Some people get clean and are on recovery and may be someone we would never want to know!
I know for me I want to focus on my own recovery, my own inventory to me that is what brings us here.
said in so much love for our alanoners and our A's. debilyn
-- Edited by canadianguy on Tuesday 21st of September 2010 10:43:55 AM
I don't know that it was inappropriate - members can post what they wish as long as it follows the rules - no vulgarity etc. This is a forum, not a meeting.
But - I do absolutely love your gentle reminder of our principles around this. There is a lesson to be learned in showing compassion and understanding for all humans and you helped us with that.
Thank you.
Tricia
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
This is alanon , not AA, we put our names out there, my real name is Bettina, Betty , Elizabeth whatever you choose.
Its out in the open who Lindsay is, its very public. She choses to make her life very public and makes an example of herself. Its a classic case of denial and a learning experience for us to see, we dont have to talk derogatory about her, which I dont think Diva did. As I write this, they just announce there is a warrant for Lindsay's arrest. I dont feel a sense of betrayal about Lindsay Lohan, but we do have to recognize that she is sick. If it were not for the judge on the Robert Downey case, he would not be alive today. These are public people with their public stories. They chose it.
We can agree to disagree.
Luv, Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina on Monday 20th of September 2010 10:01:26 PM
-- Edited by Bettina on Monday 20th of September 2010 10:02:22 PM
It is US I am speaking about. Step 8 talks about making a moral inventory of those we harmed. This is harmful to her, not helpful.
If I was L.L. I would be hurt by my illness brought up as it was here. Also what if L.L.'s family members heard of MIP, came here and there is L.L.'s name splashed right there? I would be encouraged to go to Al Anon where it is all anonymous.The one place I can go where my A and I are safe. Our seeing our A used as an example would be very harmful.
Saying just because the media does it, does not make it ok.We are Al "Anonymous". It is a very important part of us not to use a persons total name.
For some reason I cannot edit my own posts, which I find very disturbing. Many of us come here and respond or post and need to edit.
I had written to Tom to please edit my post to say I found it very uncomfortable to see an name splashed here in MIP. Instead of a judgement call of inappropriate. Though I stand on my beliefs.
Bettina, no we do not post who our A is. You are not your A right? It is totally hurtful and not healthy to ME to ever post about an A in AA or Al Anon.
Whether we want to identiful ourselves has zero to do with pointing at another sick human being.
I say this all from my heart. I know of people here who have shared they are A's. I would NEVER say," Look at "whoever" how they are now using again, using excuses. etc.
"....practice these principles in all our affairs" has always said alot to me and of course it has to be a personal choice for me to do that. Principles before personalities after a while becomes a mark of the Al-Anon personality which has no need to focus on anyone else whatever the reason.
In the time I've been on the journey I have found out that what is moot to my recovery are the personalities outside of myself. I am powerless and should remain that way.
"Let their be no gossip or criticism of one another".
Just because someone is a public figure doesn't mean they do not deserve from us the same respect we should show any of our brothers and sisters who suffer.
Unfortunately, gossip is so easy to do, and so hard to stop from doing that, sometimes, we don't even recognize we are doing it. It is cleverly disquised and easily justified by our own illness, the family disease of alcoholism.
Thanks for the reminder and the courage to speak up for what you believe in.
I didn't find the original post inapproprate at all. This person chooses to tweet to the world she has failed her drug test so she dropped her own anominity. I actually have always liked this persons work and was saddened she chose the path she took. My problem was that those will money and means at their disposal are treated differently than those who are just trying to get by. They are treated differently by the public and by the law. That is my issue. She and so many other before her are treated with such kid gloves because of who they are that everyone including the justice system treats them diffferently than any other of our other sick sisters and brothers. So what does that say about our society and what message does that send to our children. They glamorize a disease instead of educating people of the horrors of this disease. Thats my problem. Weather this person decides to choose recovery for herself is none of my business...but she herself has made it everyone's business so mentioning her name didn't break any anominity. I do wish her the best and hope she gets back on track because she is a very talented person. But overall I would like to see some equality go on in socieity so when young impressionable people are exposed to this they see the real story behind the disease. And I am gratful that we are in a place to agree to disagree
Thank you so much for all the great responses. I gave this so much thought. I love MIP so much that I have fought many times to keep coming here. It is a vital tool and more to my recovery program.
debilyn, I am very new to this program (about 2 1/2 months of f2f meetings, and have been lurking here on this board about the same on and off). My AH just completed outpatient treatment and has about 6 weeks sober.
The whole anonymity thing for me has been a bit confusing. A couple months ago, I read a great book called "Undrunk: A Skeptic's Guide to AA by AJ Adams. (A very humorous, informative book about the strangeness of AA).Within it, he makes a little case for perhaps a little less anonymity... raising the point that people are dying daily from this disease, and perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad thing if AA had advertising and colored arm bands and walk-athons etc to raise awareness. I think it's in the book that he also raises the counterpoint, that 'celebrity' involvement with the program can create as much negative publicity as positive, when they are one of those that fit the "rarely have we seen a person fail...."
Ive thought about it in my life circles. Apart from a very small circle of family and friends, most of those that know us would never guess my husband is an alcoholic who just completed treatment, nor that I am a wreck who has begun attending Al-Anon.And Ive wondered about that. We have some influence in our circle of friends/acquaintances (little fish in a little pond, but nevertheless) and while now things are too fresh, too new- Ive wondered if our not being so anonymous (completely his choice, and without telling what is his story to tell, its fairly difficult to tell my story) isnt less than helpful to some of those we might influence. If we are suffering so, there are likely others who are unknown to us. These are issues that have been lingering, rolling around in my brain. Just more questions to add to that ever growing list.
In any case, I did not see the original post, so cannot comment on it- but I will say I appreciate your comments and concerns. One thing Ive rested on is that while I dont understand all the principles in this program, and likely wont in this lifetime- it is a 75 year old program that works. Im hardly in a position to question the wisdom of the 12 Steps or 12 Traditions. I attended a 4 day, intensive sort of Al-Anon bootcamp (Family Program) at the treatment center my husband went through.Its a well known treatment center, considered by some to be the granddaddy of the recovery business, and who deal with their fair share of celebrities in their program. Someone raised the name of this actress, and they mentioned the damage the media/public does to the celebrity, how if the disease was diabetes or cancer, their situation would not show up as the butt of someones joke on late night talk shows.I have to say that it would be horrible to have the merciless public making all sorts of judgments, when you are fighting to accept that the issue is a disease and not simply your own weak moral character.. and it damages it a little for me as well who is going through my own struggle is it a disease? Or is he just a morally damaged, weak person? (Ive fallen on the its a disease side of that argument, though often tempted back to the other side).
Another point that really hit me while attending this Family Program- is that in all the years of addiction recovery research- as this particular treatment facility says, we have only found ONE thing that consistently works. A 75 year old, simple 12 step program started by two drunks.That just amazes me. Again, if all the professionals/experts in the field of disease recovery cant come up with anything better in 75 years. Well perhaps I dont want to mess with some of its strange (to me) suggestions.
Anyway, thanks for your comments.It helped me clarify some things a little. I might be a little raw, being so new to all this- but I would hate to see my husbands sickness, mistakes, motives, recovery progress (or lack there-of) bandied about out there with his name attached to it. (And Im not exactly his biggest fan right now).Still, I am ever conscious, that his breach of anonymity or not, how he handles (or doesnt) his public, is his and only his choice to make..
