New and not sure what to do.... - Al-Anon Family Group

MK · Newbie

New and not sure what to do....

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome al anon can be a great resource for you. I am glad you have reached out for support and help. If you have a chance get to a meeting in your area (al anon is in the phone book and the meeting listings are generally on line.

I am looking forward to getting to know you.

Maresie.

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome MK,

glad you reached out the MIP board.

Alanon face to face meetings as recommended would be great support. Also, you can come here and share any time. We are here for you.

Wishing you strength and courage, Luv, Bettina

DreamXL · Senior Member

Hi and thank you for your post. Im glad your here. It sounds like she is not ready, has not hit her bottom....i had many alcholics in my life that had not hit their bottom as well, me hitting mine however is what got me thru these doors...i just didnt know what else to do, was completely lost, sad , confused, grieving you name it. Please think about attending some face to face meetings and we have on line meetings twice a day here. No doubt about it , my mind was saved as I was fairly certain I was losiing mine...:) thank you again and blessings..

tlcate · Senior Member

You have come to the right place! There are many options, this forum, the online chat meetings here, lots of literature, but many find the most help in face to face Al-Anon meetings. Personally I like a mixture of all of them!

This is the first step for YOU to find some peace in the situation. Something you hear often in Al-Anon is you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it. The 3 c's. Al-Anon is not here to teach you how to abandon your daughter by any means, but it is here to help guide you in how to love and support your daughter without loosing yourself. It helps you understand alcoholism and help ease some of the helplessness and dispair that comes along with loving someone who is an alcoholic.

If you would like to find a meeting in your area:
1-888-4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666) Monday through Friday, 8:00am to 6:00pm ET.

Here is a really good post by one of our member on what you can expect at your first meeting:
http://www.suite101.com/content/what-to-expect-at-your-first-alanon-meeting-a100697

I stayed here and read quite a bit and then went to a face to face meeting. There is so much value in the posts here and we hope you keep coming back and sharing with us. We care, we understand, and we are not here to judge...only offer what has worked for us in this wonderful program.

Welcome to the family, MK.

Tricia

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha and welcome to MIP MK...the Al-Anon face to face meetings is what worked
for me and which saved my sanity. The white pages of your local telephone book
should have the hotline number...call that and get the places and times where the
fellowship meets in your area. ((((hugs)))) smile

MK · Newbie

Thank you for your input. I am to a place where I need outside help, so I am going to search my area to find a meeting near me.
I do feel like I am losing myself and she is draining my energy.....

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

MK

Boy do I relate as my son is an addict. I was litterally insane before i walked through the doors of alanon.
Of course as a parent it is our belief that we can "fix" or make things better for our children because that's what a parent does right?
I spent years trying to fix my son. I begged, cried, pleaded, negotiated even so far as to literally pat him down when he would walk in the door. All these things made me even crazier. Of course I stayed in denial for the longest time believing what my son was telling me rather than beliving what my eyes were telling me.
I hit my bottom hard before i hit the doors of alanon. By the time I reached out i was just as sick if not sicker than my son.
I resisted at first ( and still slip at times) letting go of my son. This does not mean I stopped caring or loving him, I just had to learn how to separate my son from his disease. I cannot control his disease he has shown me that over and over and over. Today he sits in a jail rehab unit. Is that his bottom? I have no idea. I can only pray that he has learned a better way of life thru the recovery he is going through. We have advised him that he would not be coming home this time. As just giving him a roof over his head was enabling his addiction, he would go out and get high and come straight home. His drug of choice is halluinegns and that is a loner drug. It was not about the partying for him it was about getting high and coming home, isolate while he hallucinates. He has lost all his jobs, friends and now his home. SO upon his release we are trying to secure him a bed in a sober living home but if he is not willing to do that or if he relapses he will find himself homeless or in a shelter. Trust me this decision breaks my hudbands and my hearts everyday. But we finally realized until we removed his "safety net" his bottom would never come. I've no idea what his bottom is and of course I fear the worst case senerio.
So know that you are in the right place and this is a program for you. Believe me this program has saved my sanity and my life
Blessings

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.