The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Let me bend you ear for a few minutes with my story...
My partner and I have been together for just under 7 yrs now I am 40 and he is 36, I used to be a partier and go out often years ago and that's how we met and got together. Fast forward 6.5 yrs later and now I don't go out often (I own my own business and am extremely busy with that) but he continues to go out. We have both drank and dabbled in different drugs but for me it never seemed to stick or be a problem as I can turn it on or off at a moments notice and never affected anything. I don't even want him to stop per se, but just slow it down and grow up.
He goes out 4-5+ nights per week, sometimes coming home, sometimes not. No phone calls, texts etc... It starts out with a "going to meet a friend for happy hour," that ends up being 5am type of stuff. We don't have children aside from our dog. He works from home a lot so I am unsure if it is affecting any work.
I am miserable the last year or so because of his excessive going out and something has to give. We are currently on an 10 day hiatus (at his urging WTF?) to get some space from one another with him staying at his friends house (probably just easier to get to Happy Hour that way) leaving me with the dog and the household responsiblities (he will come and see puppy while I am at work though)
His dad was an alcoholic and passed away from heart problems 2 yrs ago, his mother dealing with that has literally JUST got out of rehab a month ago (those right there would make me assess my life) his brother also drinks a lot.
I don't want to end things as I do love him and want to get past this, but it seems like it is only getting worse, not any better. I have sat at a few Al-Anon meetings, never spoke, but just to observe, but with the business I find it hard to even make those happen. Seeking this message board was the next best thing for me.
Welcome to Miracle in Progress. We are glad you are here. It sounds like this is the place for you. It won't cure your partner, but it will help you to live better even with a using alcoholic. There is an offering at the top of the board that you may find helpful. It is called "Getting Them Sober." I found it so helpful for me. Learn as much as you can about the disease. It is progressive and if not stopped, can become life threatening. F2F meetings have really helped me also, if you attend, listen to the "old timers". They are a wealth of information and guidance. So, welcome, you have just begun a new journey with your life.
Hello and welcome , please make the time for meetings f2f you miss so much by just using this board , when we are so involved in someone elses life we loose our own and soon become a victim * hate that word * to this disease. there is nothing you can do about partners drinking the only thing u have any control over is your attitude about what is happening in your home. This is a disease and it is progressive it only gets worse never better .. love will not cure this , tears dont work , ultimatums dont work threats dont work , until he says what he's doing is causing him a problem it ISNT its causing you a problem and al anon will help u with that . Get the focus back on yourself detach with love and let it play out the way its supposed to . Louise
One thing about alcoholism is that they cannot just slow it down or moderate it. Not if you have the disease. It sounds like its in his genetics, his Father being the alcoholic.
I hope you give Alanon a chance, one thing we learn is that we are "powerless" over the alcoholic. It would help if you attended face to face meetings, to use the tools of the program and to heal from this cunning baffling disease.
I'm very familiar with the pattern of an A taking off in reality to "use" more. I'm also familiar with being left to handle it all. I can empathize with the resentment and the loss you are experiencing.
Al anon can help you a great deal with tools like detachment, focusing on yourself, learning where to go to get your emotional needs met.
This board can be a lifeline for you. There are meetings here twice a day. I know all about being extremely busy.
I shared two dogs with the ex A for 7 years. One of them was his. He claimed to adore them. When his alcoholism progressed he didn't think twice about leaving them for days and days on end. By the time I got them back they were thin, anxious and shell shocked. I can look at the issue as why would I have thought to have pets with him in the first place.
I don't regret taking over guardianship of the dogs. I do know that I would not have much sanity without the help of al anon.
